- 4 years ago
So we had our wedding ceremony almost a month ago and I’ve been unhappy/bothered/angry/unable to stop thinking about it ever since. My father offered a dress at the last minute but insisted on a bridal shop rental so I ended up with a super poofy, designer lace thing which made me feel uncomfortable and naked and I wasn’t able to walk unassisted in. My bridesmaid kept haranguing me about why I needed to be different, yelled at me for cutting my hair so much that I ended up paying too much for a perm and bob so I could justify cutting my hair to her and she still got angry at me on my wedding day anyway. She also made me wear way more make up than I was comfortable with. No one would cooperate with my layout for the wedding ceremony layout, they just shut me away and laid things out the way they wanted to. I’m constantly telling myself I’m lucky to have an expensive dress, to have people help me, that people tell me I looked like a proper bride but I can’t shake this anger. I felt so uncomfortable and so naked in what I wore because I NEVER expose my shoulders or wear a dress. I didn’t even plan on a dress, I had planned on a long skirt and a sweater! But my dad said absolutely not to tailoring and insisted on a rental dress. I wanted a really short haircut but I was afraid of making my bridesmaid angry although she was angry ANYWAY that I didn’t leave my hair alone. Also she kept telling me I would look ugly and regret it forever if I cut my hair that short. I can’t even look forwards to my photos coming out and I’ve entirely given up on doing anything for the big celebration next year because I feel like it would be another experience just as depressing as this one. And I have to wear that dress again.
The tthing is, I don’t understand why I feel so sad/angry/horrible about it. I refused to look at the photos or show them to anyone at work. I wouldn’t even talk about the ceremony. I’m really happy to be married to my SO but even he commented that I’ve been a little ‘funny’ ever since the ceremony happened. Is this normal? What the heck is happening?