- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2016
Hi, everyone! I found a few posts from this community online after doing some google searches for advice. I decided to sign up so I can get this whole situation off my chest…
My SO and I have been dating for over four years. We have been living together for the past nine months. I’m 24 and he is 28. Both of us are finished with school and have great jobs.
Before we moved in together, we used to talk often and seriously about our future. He used to say he couldn’t wait to marry me and spend the rest of his life with me. There was even a time when we were secretly planning to elope! (Obviously, we didn’t, but we would bounce back and forth between the idea every now and then.)
Ultimately, we decided that we should move in together if we were committed and going to be together forever anyway.
About a month after we moved in together, we had one discussion about marriage where he said the only reason he hadn’t proposed yet is because he didn’t know what to look for in a ring for me. (I don’t wear much jewelry at all and many of my friends are just as clueless about the matter!) I told him I didn’t want a diamond or anything too expensive.
I waited another month, and there was still no indiciation that he had looked at or thought about rings, so I brought it up again and sent him a list of rings I liked on Etsy to make the job a little easier. He thanked me, but told me I would not be getting a ring for Christmas.
This is where the talks of our future and marriage pretty much stopped.
My birthday was at the end of March, and when he asked what I wanted for my birthday, I said “Hmm… you already have a list of things I want” (which he responded to with silence). A few weeks ago, I overheard a discussion with his friend where he was complaining that the only thing I wanted for my birthday was an engagement ring and women are always trying to pressure men into marriage. When I confronted him about it, and he said he was just joking and that he still loved me very much. I honestly think he was just sidestepping the issue.
I feel like we made the choice to live together under the assumption that we would be getting married, but now I feel like he has gotten comfortable in the current state, while I am NOT. Sometimes it makes me think I have to be on my best behavior at all times or I won’t “earn” an engagement ring, and I HATE feeling this way. I have told him all of this, yet all I get are empty words saying “I do want to spend my life with you”, but no ACTION to back them up!
I should end this by saying that we are still very happy in our relationship. We have adjusted well to living together and do a good job of splitting the household chores. He is very sweet and does tell me he loves me and that I’m beautiful every day. I am just plain old sick of being “THE GIRLFRIEND” still. 🙂