- 6 years ago
SO BEES! =( HAVEN´T WRITTEN A POST IN SOOO LONG, BUT I´VE BEEN RIGHT HERE WITH YOU LOVELY LADIES ALL ALONG. I NEED SOME CHEERING UP AND I´M AFRAID I HAVE NO ONE ELSE TO TURN TO. =(
i´m feeling really low since yesterday evening when i had a really big fight with my SO. For those of you who don´t really know my story…i´m getting married next year…yeeey right? well not really….see, I´ve been planning my wedding since december because Mr. J and I decided that´s what we wanted…(he was actually very enthusiastic and has remained the same all throughout this entire process) Up until now we have our venue, the church, the priest, the guest list, wedding photographer, the music band, the church choir, the wedding planner and the honey moon destinations…..THE ONLY THING I´M MISSING IS THE WEDDING PROPOSAL =(
And i´m not talking about a ring….(We actually picked out the ring together in November..and although it was within his budget….which is a very generous one…i don´t really own anything that expensive and beautiful in terms of jewelry..(so i actually am really excited)…….it was a little on the expensive side……but he´s just an amazing man so he said he´d get it for me and has been making payments on it since then) He actually said he has never spent so much money on one single thing but that it would be his honor (his exact words..) and that it would make him feel proud of himself. (I KNOW, HE´S THE MOST AMAZING HUMAN BEING IN THE WORLD) So i know i´ll get the ring of my dreams sooner or later, it doesn´t really bother me if it´s later rather than sooner.
So anyway, what i really think i´m missing here… is him saying to me that he loves me and he wants to marry me and make me the happiest woman in the world and blah blah blah……..
I feel like i´ve been caught up in the wedding planning process since december and haven´t had my “emotional proposal” in all this time. I´ve told him a million times that i need this from him….that somehow “just deciding” to get married (like we did in december) wasn´t good enough and that i need him to talk to me and ask me to marry him….with or without the ring….it does not matter….i just need to hear HIM say it. I know he wants it, because we´re actually planning the event….but i need him to talk to me. We´ve had this conversation a million times……
But of course he won´t do it!!!! NOT UNTIL he has the ring in hand, AND he has perfectly planned out the perfect date….AND he can surprise me….And i don´t need all that….First off i HATE SURPRISES!!! Secondly I don´t need a perfect date….Like i said, i only need an “emotional proposal”….so anyway long story short….
i HAD A BIG BIG FIGHT WITH HIM YESTERDAY OVER THIS….i had had a couple of beers (and by a couple i do mean a couple….i don´t usually drink) and i got all drama queen and started saying stupid dumb ass things….because when i´m mad i don´t usually watch my mouth. i STARTED SECOND GUESSING HIS INTENTIONS….HIS DECISION TO MARRY ME And i hurt him….he was all sad and said he only wanted to surprise me….he confessed he had just asked my parents permission the day before that.
AND OF COURSE I FEEL LIKE CRAP. I think i sabotaged my engagement and i don´t know how to make up for it. Fortunately he didn´t throw the ring at my face…(which i honestly deserved!) and he was kind enough to forgive me right then and there….he said he understood the pressure i was dealing with with all of the wedding planing and work and stuff….and that i wouldn´t have to wait much longer….but since we picked out the ring together, he wanted to propose HIS WAY……….the problem is i can´t seem to be able to forgive myself…i feel so so stupid. I swear i´ll wait patiently after this…..even if he ends up proposing the day before the wedding….
what do you bees think?? do you think i´ve managed to ruin my proposal for all eternity??? =(