(Closed) FEELING TERRIBLE. NEED SOME BEE FRIENDS TO PICK MYSELF UP-

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1030 posts
Bumble bee

i don’t think you’ve ruined it, but i don’t think you should mention it again.

your guy sounds amazing and so sweet. remember, the proposal isn’t just about you – it’s about him, too. just because you don’t want a surprise doesn’t mean he should just forget about what he wants. the proposal is a huge deal for the guy and it will be something you both remember for the rest of your lives.

when he looks back at that moment, maybe he wants to remember a fantastic experience, a well thought out proposal, the ring, the perfect words…

please just rememebr it isn’t all about the girl.

he sounds like a good guy and i’m sure that if you don’t get frustrated about it again, he’ll have the proposal of your dreams waiting for you.

Post # 4
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

It’s okay, don’t worry! I did the same thing. My bf bought the ring on NYE. In mid Feb- I wanted a timeline and pushed a little too hard (not happy about it), he said “do you want me to just give you the ring now? Fine, I’ll tell you when I was going to do it, I was planning on doing it by summer, I just wanted to surprise you since you already know I have the ring and what it looks like.” I felt soooo bad!! TERRIBLE, actually. I haven’t pushed him or brought up anything about it since then! He actually brought it up to me the other night and apparently he has a “plan”- I wouldn’t worry about it, he already bought the ring and will be super excited to give it to you, I highly, highly doubt this will affect anything in your relationship!!

Post # 5
Member
307 posts
Helper bee

aww, hun, that’s tough. i’ve been in a similar situation in the past. i agree that things are not ruined but they may be delayed.

as of now you are pretty much set. you have a date, you have a place, you *know* there is a ring. at this point the proposal is a formality.

remember, sometimes your expectations of what should be can prevent you from appreciating what is. it may not be exactly how you pictured or want it to be but in the end it will be wonderful because it comes from your partner’s heart.

i’ve fallen in this trap of expectations many times..it feels awful and looking back i realized i could have enjoyed many moments much more if i just hadn’t thought so much about them ahead of time.

looking forward, be kind to yourself, you are under a lot of stress – this happens a lot. this episode is an important lesson re: how dangerous expectations are (you get so stuck in wanting something one way…), i think it is a good one to take for the future. enjoy the process – you’re getting married 🙂

Post # 6
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

It sounds like you are under a lot of stress right now with planning, work, etc., and it all came to a head.  I am sure it is frustrating to be doing all the planning when you have not “officially” been proposed to. It seems like you have a very supportive and sweet Fiance that would not blow off your wishes for a proper proposal. 

We all have our moments that we are not proud of, so try to move on with it and enjoy the rest of your planning!  I bet he has something very special in store for you!

Post # 7
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I understand why you want a proposal with so much planned already, but proposing is most often an exciting (and nerve wracking) thing for a man to do. Planning the proposal is supposed to be special for him. I would turn around your strategy and tell him that he has all the time he needs to plan the proposal. You say you don’t like surprises, but maybe he does? Brides get so much out of the process while grooms only get so much that is specifically for them. Let him have his turn in the spotlight and he will be happy that you did. Because isn’t it about him being happy too?

Post # 8
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I agree with the other ladies. Your Fiance sounds like he’s very understanding and he’s already forgiven you. So now time to forgive yourself and realize the kind of stress you’ve been under. Take a deep breath and relax. I think sometimes we forget that the proposal is something that is super important to the guys too! They are nervous (even if they know you are going to say yes) and they want it to be perfect for their woman. It’s difficult to wait, but it sounds like it’s going to happen; you just have to let him have control of this particular piece. Expectations sometimes blind us to the joy and fun of the ride!

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