- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I posted my first couple of posts in the Ring thread last week- I am getting my ring tomorrow night so I am very excited about that! 🙂 We’ve been engaged for almost 2 weeks now.
A little bit about me- I am 37, Fiance is 40… I feel like I need to share that because maybe that is part of the reason I am having some of the feelings I am having, have never really expected to feel, and am not really sure how to deal with. First there’s the whole “neither one of us has ever been engaged or married before” thing…it’s surreal to actually utter the words “I’m engaged” or “my fiance”, because for so long this HASN’T been my life…if that makes sense. So for the time being, I want to absorb just being with him, knowing we’ve made this commitment to one another, and just being engaged to each other.
I am totally head over heels in love with Fiance. We love each other very much and I truly believe that we are meant to be together (we waited so long and finally found each other, etc).
So what’s the problem? Everything else, lol. First of all, ring shopping was so incredibly stressful, WAY more so than I anticipated. I never expected to cry that day, and I’m not sure what kind of tears they were. I think at one point I became overwhelmed with thinking that this man loves me so much that he wants to put a ring on my finger and make me his wife…while I’ve always thought I’d never actually be “THAT girl”. We had a little discrepancy over the budget, but we discussed it so we were both on the same page, he picked one based on the ideas I gave him, which I am happy about (which I am getting tomorrow night).
I was out tonight with a friend and we decided to stop at a bridal shop in the mall, not to do “dress shopping” per se, but just to look around. She is excited for me, as everyone is… she wants to plan a “dress shopping” excursion with my girlfriends/bridal party, and then she asks a pretty innocent question- “who do you think you want to have in your bridal party?” And that’s where things once again started to overwhelm me- that I am getting married, and there will be a wedding, and there needs to be some planning done for this wedding. My sister has already asked me if she will be my Maid/Matron of Honor, and to be honest, I don’t know that she is up for it. I love her, and our relationship has definitely been mended over the years…but she lives in a different state and I feel like it’s a huge responsibility that she may not be able to (or want to) handle. I have a few girlfriends but it’s not like I’ve had my bridal party picked out for years or anything. Again, I feel like this may have to do with the fact that I’m older, have lived in a couple of different states in the past few years, and just have different relationships with each of my friends.
So THAT stressed me out. The idea of spending a ton of money on a dress stresses me out. The idea of actually planning a wedding (FI wants to do 2- one here, and one in the country where much of his family lives). We are starting to save for a house, saving has never been easy for me ANYWAY, and spending all of this money on ONE DAY just seems so counterintuitive to me 🙁
My immediate family (father, brother, sister) are scattered around the country. My mother died when I was 17. I am not particularly close to my few living relatives, although that is not for lack of effort on my part. I hardly even want to let them know I’m getting married,(they hardly care about me now, why would they care about me AND my future husband?) – and my (fairly recently married) friend says to tell them and invite them because they will give us money, and if you’re lucky, you’ll end up making back a good return on your wedding with all of the gifts. Seriously? Am I missing something here? Not to mention that my father will not be contributing anything financially to our wedding…just makes things harder on me. I don’t hold it against him, he’s never been very financially secure, and I never expected him to pay for a wedding. It’s just ANOTHER stressor in my life.
I think what it boils down to is, I must not be a girly girl. I am having such a hard time getting my head around the planning. Will I snap out of this? I would so much rather the focus be on me and my Fiance getting married and BEING together, than “having a wedding”. I feel like I am bucking the system by having these thoughts, or by letting all of this stuff overwhelm me. Doesn’t every girl grow up dreaming of her dream wedding, her dream dress, etc? I guess when you get to the point where you think you’re past it ever happening for you, and then it actually does… it’s just a lot to take in.
To top it off, I can’t get the words from one of the jewelers I visited out of my head. I told her I was looking for something pretty and sparkly for approximately X,000 and without missing a beat she asked me if I were going to be upgrading it later, or selling it. Like those were my 2 choices. Like people don’t value anything anymore… like your ENGAGEMENT ring, THE ONE that your fiance puts on your finger to make a commitment to you… or marriage, since it all seems to be about the money anyway- how much is the ring, if he loved you he’d spend more, you can always upgrade down the road, etc. It makes me sad when I read ring threads about women who claim to love their FIs but are disappointed in the ring that they were given. Am I just completely old fashioned or naive here, or isn’t it supposed to be about SPENDING A LIFETIME WITH THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE?????
Thanks in advance to anyone who has any advice or words of wisdom. Mostly, I was just needing to vent.