(Closed) Feeling ticked off at husband's extended family

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@tmsing:  I can’t say for sure but I imagine their focus is on your Father-In-Law.  If your husband isn’t particularly close with any of his extended family then I doubt they would feel comfortable or think to contact him directly. 

Post # 4
Member
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@tmsing:  I am so sorry that you guys have to deal with this! unforunately I find that some people crave attention and want to be the victim in other’s misforune. They do not seem to be truly compassionate or empathetic people. Darling Husband either has to recognize this and ignore it, or confront them and call them out on their deceit (ESPECIALLY if they were laughing about it previously!!) We had a similar situation where Fiance brother was killed by a drunk driver and Future Mother-In-Law felt that the stepmom (FIs parents are divorced) was playing the poor Mom card too much and seeking attention in the media about it. Some people just deal with things differently, his family gossipped about it for a while and then everyone just got to forgetting about it, and realized that what is really important is honoring the ill or deceased, dont let her get in the way of you guys celebrating what time you have left with him, it sounds like this is just an aspect of her personality based on prev experience, and it might be worth it to save yourselves the trouble and to just ignore her! Sending energy out to Father-In-Law in his battle!

Post # 6
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Keep in mind that they might not be ignoring your fiance.  Everyone handles loss and grief differently.  Your Future Mother-In-Law is a crazy attention whore.  Nothing you can do about it.  But for your fiance, his relatives may see his silence as a request for privacy.  Generally, people don’t want to intrude, so unless he says something about it first, they may not want to make the first remark to him about it.  It’s not something you want to bring up unless you’re 100% sure the other person is ok with talking about it.

Post # 9
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@tmsing:  The best thing you can do for him is to ask him what he needs.  Some people need space, some people need to talk about it, everyone’s different.  I don’t know if you cook, but comfort food can go a long way.  When my fiance’s grandparents died, he wasn’t a big talker, he just worked it out himself.  He wanted me there, just didn’t want to talk. 

Post # 11
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

While I’m sure he’s sad about his Dad having cancer, I think you are both expecting too much. His Dad isn’t dead, so why would people offer condolences?

Right now, all the focus and energy should be spent on spending time with someone who may not have much left. He needs people to be strong around him and to reassure him that he’s in good hands and is getting the best care. Most people who are sick just want to be surrounded by those who love them and to help them through this journey for however long they have.

Forget about the rest of the family for now. That part just isn’t even important in any of this.

Post # 14
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

His Mom is probably the person he told the hospital to use as his emergency contact, and that’s why they didn’t get in touch with your husband. It’s terrible that she’s keeping him out of the loop, but maybe his Dad has requested it and doesn’t want him to see him like this.

It sounded to me like he was local to you so he’s able to see him and spend time with him. I’m sorry that this is all so convoluted and I hope he can get in contact soon. Poor guy. Now it makes much more sense.

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