(Closed) Feeling too guilty for a registry

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

No you aren’t crazy but you just need to realize that if someone can’t afford to travel and get you a gift, they probably won’t come to your wedding.  Most people who go to a wedding want to buy a gift for the couple and registering stops you from getting 20 duck centerpieces.

Post # 4
Member
46664 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I much prefer when a couple has a registry. I know that the gift I am purchasing is something the couple wants, needs, loves, or all three.

There will be people who want to buy you a gift, whether they attend the wedding or not, so make it easier for them and lessen the chance of getting 6 toasters.

Post # 5
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t think there’s a problem having a registry in this situation, but I understand how you feel.  I used to want to do a destination wedding, and I was planning on including a note in the invitation that said ‘no gifts please / your presence is the only gift we need’, etc etc.  But I don’t think anyone would judge you for including a registry.

Post # 6
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@rosworms: I would still create one, people may not buy gifts though, but some may!

Post # 7
Member
2981 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think a registry is so common place in today’s wedding society that most of the guest will feel totally lost without one, even if it’s a destination wedding!  I understand the guilt tho- I’m having a wedding in my hometown and felt kinda weird making one since Fiance and I lived together for over 2 years and have mostly everything we need. But I’d say make one anyways. If people choose to buy you a present they’ll at least know what you guys need/want! (My Future Mother-In-Law got 8 crockpots when she married- think of the horror haha)

Post # 9
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

If you let them know about your wedding in advance, there should be no problem with a modest registry.  I wouldn’t be registering for a bunch of high-dollar items, but most people are going to get you a gift.  Also, consider having a bridal shower in your area before the wedding.  That way, people don’t have to worry about bringing gifts on their travels.

Post # 10
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I would love to go to a Destination Wedding way more then a local one, you get a vacation out of it! I’m sure they will love your wedding and actually remember it b/c it’s different and fun.

I wouldn’t worry about feeling guilty about the registry. It’s their choice if they want to get you a gift. If they want to, they’ll ask where you’re registered and get you what they want off of it. It would probably actually be more difficult for them if you didn’t have a registry, b/c then they’d have to try to figure out what to get you by themselves, never easy!

Post # 11
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

i am also planning a Destination Wedding and have some of the same thoughts…  as for the registry part – dont forget that you will have many people that cannot make the trip and they will especially want a registry in order to be a part of your big day.  i thought it was awkward too, having a Destination Wedding and THEN asking for gifts…  but so many people asked very specifically about the residtry because they knew they could not come…  i hadnt thought about it that way.  we also have a big disclaimer on our website — that all we really want is for people to be a part of the wedding and that gifts are absolutely not necessary.

Post # 12
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

If you feel weird about it then don’t do it. You’re not obligated to register. People who want to get you a gift will. They’ll choose something they like and think you’ll like. And if you don’t, then return it. Despite what everyone always says when I tell them I’m not registering, you will not wind up with 20 toasters. 

Post # 13
Bee
979 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008 - A tiny town just outside of Glacier National Park

You can always register and then make sure people know that they don’t have to get you a gift! Or register with a charity so that if they contribute, they can make a difference. 🙂

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