(Closed) Feeling Totally "Over" Being Married

posted 1 year ago in Married Life
Post # 16
Member
391 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Teanhoney :  Does he know you’re unhappy? I would have a sit down with him and tell him everything you’re telling us. You two can work through this but he needs to make some changes.

Post # 20
Member
63 posts
Worker bee

I can’t tell you exactly how your situation will resolve, but I want you to know that you will make it through to the other side. Right now really sucks. I’ve been there. I don’t have any good advice  It’s been over 20 years for me. I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone and it does get better. My favorite mantra was “They can’t eat me.” It’s a version of “this, too, shall pass” No matter what was thrown at me or what I dealt with .. It couldn’t eat me. I could fight again tomorrow. I hope it helps. Hang in there until you get your path chosen. One day you’ll wake up and realize that today isn’t quite as bad as yesterday. Then another… 

Post # 21
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2019

Posts like this make me so glad I divorced my ex, as I get a glimpse into the future I narrowly avoided.

OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I know you said you’ve talked to your husband and he is unwilling to see the error of his ways. I’d stop catering to him immediately. If he won’t agree to go to couple’s counseling, I would bounce. You deserve better (and you’re basically doing everything on your own anyway, so cut the dead weight).

Post # 22
Member
394 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

TwilightRarity :  I completely agree

 

OP, you have to change this. Your husband can not read your mind. Every morning make a list of a few things your husband can help with once he gets home. 

 

GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.. join a mommy group and go to the meet ups at the mall or playgrounds. They are literally in every major city in the US. You just have to look for them. Make some friends. Being a Stay-At-Home Mom was incredibly depressing and isolating until I made friends with other Stay-At-Home Mom and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Go to a mommy and me reading time at the library. Something. Sign up for mommy and me swim lessons (they start at like 6 months old). YOU need to take control of your life and break out of the monotony.

 

Also I just saw you say “I should be like it’s Friday bitches to him and roll out one day…but I worry I would get a phone call that he had to call 911 so that’s why I haven’t done so.” I have to be honest. I’m side eyeing you at this….You trusted this man to marry him, you trusted him to have a child with him. TRUST HIM TO BE A FATHER without you hovering. Give him the baby, go in the bathroom and draw up a bubble bath, lock the door and turn on some music. You aren’t doing him, you, or your child any favors by not letting him be an actual parent.

You are buying into the same gender roles you hate that he follows.

Everything you mentioned, you can change. You just have to put some effort into not taking everything and putting it on your shoulders, spread the responsibility to the other adult in your house. And go make some friends

Post # 23
Member
6671 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Teanhoney :  Just remembered a copule other things we do or try to do: I get 1 hour 100% child free daily (well, we’re working on it).  This is when he is NOT sleeping and husband is home.  I don’t do chores, I don’t take care of the baby.  I do whatever I want.  It’s actually been super hard to find this time, but we do try.  The other thing for us is poopy diapers.  They’re really not so bad but just a pain.  So I do them the 4 days I’m home alone and on the 3 he is here as well, I just say baby needs a change and he deals.  When I’m back at work this August, we’ll just alternate like we did before vacation started.

If you don’t feel comfortable leaving baby alone with your husband yet (and I agree, don’t buy into stereotypes!) then stay home but refuse to directly participate.  When baby is hungry, tell your husband how to make the meal.  When baby needs a nap or a diaper change, say so.  Write down the general timeline for things so he can reference it.  Tell him what’s dangerous.  In our house my husband is awful about leaving open the baby gate, bathroom door and pantry doors.  I don’t fix it for him, I tell him to deal (Escaparoo! means come get baby and fix this problem now).  It was easier for me to get in the habit because I’m home more right now, but he’s getting there, too.

As to taking a shower – take a damned shower!  Put your toddler in the pack and play and get your butt in the tub.  I’ve heard so many moms say this and I think it’s utter bullshit. Your kid will be fine, even if it pisses him off initially.  Shower.  I think I’ve missed 4 showers since having the baby and he’s 10 months old.  It was generally my own laziness causing it.

Your husband is a father now.  It’s high time he acted like it.

Post # 24
Member
30 posts
Newbee

I second making plans for yourself or with girlfriends and leaving the kid with him more. Also maybe part time daycare or hire a nanny 1 or 2 days a week so you can have some time for yourself. If he doesn’t want to help out he can pay for that. How old is he? Not that it’s an excuse but might be a maturity issue in part. Depending on the relationship with his parents maybe they can talk a little sense into him. Maybe a marriage counselor to have an unbiased person help talk you through a more fair distribution of duties. Figure out ways to take back time and life for yourself. I wouldn’t just throw in the towel. Men are Daft. You might be able to improve the situation. Sorry you are so frustrated. I hope things get better for you!

Post # 25
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2019

spilledmilk :  she’s really not acting as a single mom as she has no income from my understanding of the post and stays home with her kids full time

Post # 26
Hostess
8816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Closing this old thread. 

The topic ‘Feeling Totally "Over" Being Married’ is closed to new replies.

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