Feeling trapped

posted 6 months ago in Married Life
Post # 31
6091 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Some people feel it’s important to travel and have adventures (whether that means vacations or moving). My mother is one of those people and I had the experience of being one of those people too. I think it’s really valuable to use this time, when you are young and married (or not) and pretty unencumbered, to go on adventures.

ALSO, though, these are the years when people are also getting married (or their first divorces after incompatible first marriages), buying homes and starting to think about how the next decades of their lives are going to go.

If you feel trapped, you need to travel and have the experiences you crave. You may not need (or be able) to convince your husband to uproot himself or make any major moves- it could be that YOU go on an adventure for a period of time or you go on a vacation on your own or something else.

I noticed a few PPs making comments that imply your feeling trapped and desire to travel could be about maturity or you trying to “run away” and people would say the same things to my mother when we were moving around- she just had a nomadic spirit and a need to experience different places and just because they couldn’t understand her (or her choices wouldn’t work for them)- it did not mean that her choices weren’t good ones for her.

Last thing- I think it’s also really valuable when people decide, within a marriage, that honest and authenticity are priorities (for themselves and also for their partners) because then you and your husband have the opportunity to build a relationship that is genuine and serves/benefits each of you.

Post # 32
8806 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

forestfaerie :  You say he’s “been quiet” on the issue and you weren’t sure if you were on the same page or not, but you also said this, which to me indicates that you must have known you were not on the same page: “he doesn’t seem to light up about the idea when I express this desire and it’s always worried me.” It sounds like each of you knew how the other felt, and hoped the other would change their mind, but neither of you are. … This is a problem. For me, moving has always been stressful and scary. My goal through my 20s, 30s, and 40s was to put down roots and never have to move again. I’m with the bees who don’t understand your reasoning or the story of your dad moving for a job to support his family, so now you want to move just for the move. Not saying it’s wrong, but it’s confusing to me and other bees, so might also be confusing to your husband. I don’t see how this can be compromised. Travel would be one idea, but you have already said that won’t fulfill your longing. One of you is going to end up resentful. Maybe a counseller could help?

Post # 33
651 posts
Busy bee

I get it! I could never have stayed in my sleepy home town. No way. I know most bees are going to gasp in horror when I say this, but I’d get a divorce and move if I were you. You are still so young and there is SO MUCH out there to experience that you can’t do with limited vacation time and money. I don’t think you have a case of wanderlust like some others have suggested. Wanderlust and a burning to live elsewhere are not the same. 

forestfaerie :  

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