- 2 months ago
- Wedding: July 2019
Firstly hello everyone! I am new to this site, though I’ve read the boards so many times in the last few months. I’ve found this incredibly helpful in dealing with the anxious feelings I’ve been experiencing in the time leading up to my wedding.
To give some background info, my fiancé and I are having a small, intimate wedding due to costs (we have not had any family offering to help fund the wedding so we are paying it all ourselves which is a struggle due to neither of us being in permanent jobs atm). I am more than content with a small relaxed wedding as I am a very anxious person, and cannot bear the thought of others looking at me all day, or me making a grand entrance of any sort. My fiancé is more outgoing than me, but I expect she too will get anxious on the actual day!
The ceremony is taking place in city hall and then to a restaurant for a meal and a walk in the surrounding area.
With all of this in mind, I bought my wedding dress recently. I had always imagined myself wearing something long sleeved, lace, very countryside boho and very what’s in right now. However, after trying a few different dress shops which proved difficult due to my small budget (under £500) I finally found a store that made me feel a bit special. The owner was lovely and gay, like me, which added a nice touch and I took this as a bit of a sign. The first dress they got me to try on I thought was nice but not my wedding dress. But as it was pinned and pulled in and I looked myself over I began to really like it. It was a bargain at £250, the cheapest they had in store, so that also played on my mind. I decided to go for it, buying also the veil (an elbow length vintage style) and a tiara to go with. The weird thing is, the dress has strap sleeves so my arms are exposed (I don’t like my arms as I’m so pale) and the back goes down really low (I think I have a slightly hunched back). But I thought I looked nice in it and I bought it (my mum did actually which was very kind of her and I recognise this is a big contribution towards the wedding, I just meant earlier that we are paying for the actual ceremony, restaurant space and food and anything else ourselves).
The thing is, a month later I’m looking at those photos on my phone and I’m starting to not like what I see. I do suffer with Body Dysmorphic Disorder so this is not unusual, and this is what is making this harder for me.
To add to this, a couple of people I showed gave very meh responses (my brother) and a colleague said she didn’t like the veil (though she is known to be mean for the sake of being mean, I don’t know why I showed her tbh). A couple of my close friends were enthusiastic about it and said I looked beautiful, but I don’t know what is the truth anymore. I can’t rely on my own perception as its likely warped, I have received varying responses from different audiences and I’m so worried I’ve made a mistake and will look and feel ugly on my wedding day.
When I think like this I imagine people sniggering at me and thinking ‘ew gross, she looks ridiculous’. I feel like people think this every day, but I want to feel reassured I look nice on my wedding day.
I am also very anxious about walking down the aisle due to this and am worried I won’t be able to do it.
Does anyone else relate to any of the above, and if so, did you find the answers to settle your anxious thoughts?