It’s nice to find a place where you are going to be hacked for being a bridezilla and able to share your feelings on pre-wedding subjects.
I’m in the same boat about feeling feeling unimportant. When my FH and I got engaged, we were both really excited about moving to the next level but from friends and family they didn’t seem to share the same excitement.
We both come from blended families which hasn’t been easy in the planning process. It’s almost as if it becomes less your wedding and more of your family’s wedding. I’ll admit, not everything has been totally horrible in the experience of pre-wedding planning but there has been some rough moments.
What started what I call the nightmare is when my mother was adamant on us inviting my aunts, uncles and cousins to our wedding. We want to have a small wedding so we aren’t in debt, and adding just her side of the family meant adding 20 people to our guest list. When I tried to make contact with my mother’s side of the family, they didn’t say anything for about 6 months, and I felt like “Why should I invite people I haven’t seen in 20 years and whom don’t even call on birthdays or any other special events?” – I just got fed up with the lack of communication and the fact that they weren’t showing any interest that when they finally said something after we had already finalized our guest list, I told them they weren’t invited. Granted, it will probably be one of those moments where I will have to eat my words later on, but they have never shown up for anything else because it’s never convienent for them, yet we always are expected to pay the big money to go see them. (I’m talking $1200 each for a flight to go see them).
To make matters worse, one of my FH groomsmen is doing everything possible to be difficult. He never showed up to our engagement party, he said he would a week prior to the event but because it was a theme party and he said 2 days before the event “he was not the dress up type” – it’s not like people had to dress up if you know what I mean. This groomsmen and I got into a fight because he was too cowardly to tell my FH why he wasn’t coming, so I told him he should be the one to tell my FH not me, so when he did finally contact my FH, he told him that “I” was the one who was making it difficult for him to attend and didn’t say anything about him not wanting to dress up. Needless to say, he told me that “from now on, anything to do with our wedding should come from my FH, not me”. That was the most hurtful thing I have ever heard – who does he think plans the wedding?
Then we come to my lovely sister, who had to step down from being a bridesmaid because she found out she was pregnant and she would only have 4 months to lose baby fat after my niece was born and didn’t want to be a spectical at our wedding. I hope no one else has to deal with a jealous sister, but it makes it hard when it is your family and you kind of expect them to share the same joy as you. I had asked her if my niece (although would only be 12 weeks old at the time of our wedding) if she would be our flower girl… I thought not only would it be nice to include my sister in the wedding still but to also have my niece as a flower girl. Granted, my niece wouldn’t be able to walk down the aisle, but I thought my sister could carry her down with a little basket and my sister could throw out the flowers. Apparently, I misunderstood our conversation, because I thought she was ok with this and I made an announcement that I was excited my niece was going to be a flower girl.
A few days later, I receive a horrible email from my sister stating “Your niece is not going to be a flower girl. She is an unborn child who will be all of 12 weeks of age when you are getting married. She will not be dressed up, propped up, have flowers and bows stuck to her like some kind of doll – all to satisfy some warped idea you have of how this is meant to play out. And I’m sorry to be frank, but it is warped.” – I think there was a better way of saying what she said but this is how it this particular event played out.
When I did finally get chance to talk to her on the phone again after this email (she lives in Austraila), she did nothing but play down my wedding… she asked me for hotel information for the wedding and I told her it was in the invitations, she told me she didn’t have time to open it. After my Maid/Matron of Honor and I spent an hour on each invitation, she told me that she was going to have REAL DIY invitations for her wedding in 2012. She knows my FH and I are on a limited budget of only $10,000 for our entire wedding and she goes to tell me that her open bar and venue alone was costing them $10,000 (yet she is marrying into money so obviously she will be able to afford something like that) – it just made me feel compared to and it hurt alot. So I got upset with her and told her that she has been nothing but nasty to me this whole process, just tearing strips into me and just being outright mean to me. She put the play on that she didn’t realize I hated her so much and basically just manipulated the whole situation where it wasn’t her fault anymore. Firstly, I never told her I hated her once, it’s just the way she can turn the situation around.
Needless to say, we haven’t spoken for over a month, and she nor her FH called me when my niece was born on April 5, 2011 – so I’m being punished for all of this. The way I look at is, no matter if we are not getting along or not, when a child is born and especially a niece or nephew, we don’t have to be friends with each other, but you put those things aside when it comes to important events like a birth of a child.
As for our blended family, both sides aren’t getting along with each other, so its always a question of who’s sitting where, etc.
Other than all of this, finally with 4 months to go till our wedding, even though I just vented about all of this, I am finally at somewhat peace with the hurtful things that have happened. My bridesmaids took me on a surprise vacation to Las Vegas for my bachelorette just last week and it was a well needed getaway where I didn’t think once about all this drama. For once, I felt very special and I was spoiled rotten while we were down there.
So, it does make a difference when you surround yourself around people who actually share the same excitement as you do about your special day, and as for the others who try to make things difficult, I always say, “Lower your standards of people, and if they do something bad, lower them even further”.
And sorry for my rant, but it felt good to be able to speak freely in a safe place!