Feeling unappreciated. Should I expect more from him?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
93 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

When you tell him that you are feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated, what does he say? Do you kind of complain to him, or are you actually sitting him down and saying “This is a big problem for me, and if we don’t fix it, our relationship is going to be damaged”? I know you said that he is “content with the dynamic”, but does he acknowledge that your feelings are valid? If not, there is a huge problem here. 

A household should be a 50/50 split. Doesn’t matter if you’re the one who takes out the garbage, and he cooks, whatever duties that are assigned should be agreed to and completed mutually.

ETA: If you tell him explicitly “I really need you to do these things to help me out” and he blatantly ignores you or brushes that off, it would be a complete and utter dealbreaker for me. No way, now how would that be going down in our house. It’s OUR house, OUR kids, and I’m your wife asking you to do the bare minimum, so if he didn’t step up, there’d be major problems.

Post # 3
5634 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I mean, the obvious question is why are you doing it all and why isn’t he pulling his own weight? He isn’t going to appreciate you doing all those tasks if he thinks it’s your job and he will continue to think it’s your job if you are just automatically taking care of it all.

Post # 4
411 posts
Helper bee

It isn’t clear from your post, are the children yours, his, or joint children?


Post # 5
8386 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You should look up emotional labour. While I dont think most of these are a big deal, I understand that all the little things sure add up quick! Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed bee!

Side note – i dont have kids; are you supposed to send them to school with extra clothes? I had no idea that wwas a thing. 

Post # 6
340 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

View original reply
jellybellynelly :  I don’t have kids either, but I’d imagine if they’re small and it’s a day care, accidents happen so having an extra set of clothes might be needed. 

Post # 7
3913 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
beeanon8012 :  talk to him.  Communicate to him that you need him to participate more in the day to day household chores.  Stop doing it all yourself.  Make a list of everything that needs to be done and then sit down and talk about who will deal with what responsibilities.  

Nip this in the bud ASAP or the resentment will kill your relationship.

I always worried about being a nagging wife and instead of confronting it head on, I just took on everything.  Guess what?  The more you enable the behavior, the worse it will get.



Post # 8
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery

Do you ask him for help? A lot of men legit have NO clue what we do just to keep everything afloat. My DH is like that but if I give him specific directions, he is more than happy to help. Yes, it’s extremely annoying to direct a human adult and it makes me feel like a nag at times. But, if I don’t ask for what I specially need, I won’t get help because he isn’t a mind reader. 

If your DH is ignoring your requests, then that’s another issue. 

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