(Closed) Feeling unexcited :(

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m so sorry to hear that!  Do you have any attendants or even close friends you could delegate some responsibility to so some of the pressure is taken off you?  Even if you feel like he has no clue about parts of your planning, give him a task with some instructions and tell him how important this all is to you and hopefully he’ll take it to heart and help out.  I know my Fiance is nervous he’d ruin something or he’d do it and it wouldn’t meet my expectations.  I’ve given him a few tasks and he’s happy he can help with something and take a little stress off of me!

Post # 4
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I am so sorry that you’re feeling like this. I think it definitely is a problem with planning a wedding is that it really does take on a life of its own and all of a sudden you don’t know which way is up. When I first got engaged, I asked people around me if they had any advice, and this one lady told me, "My best piece of advice is that it will be over soon!!" It sounded like she was feeling similar to you. It sounds like you need a little vacation, with Memorial Day weekend here, can you get away for the weekend? Maybe go visit some friends, or go to the beach and relax. Not sure where you live (Virginia, maybe? from your screen name). Get away and have a completely wedding free weekend. Make sure everyone knows not to ask you about it, don’t talk about it, don’t think about it. Go get a massage, do something to clear your mind, and then even when you get back (or if you can’t get away), just take a week and continue the no-wedding streak. Hopefully you’ll come back feeling refreshed and you’ll be able to look at everything with fresh eyes and prioritize what you need to do. Delegate busy tasks to your fiance, just tell him exactly what he needs to do, and tell him that it will benefit him to help you (he wants a sane fiancee, right?!). But I really feel if you can just get away and clear your mind, it will help. Good luck!!

Post # 5
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Oh honey! I totally understand where you’re coming from! I felt the same way as it got closer to the wedding. Mine didn’t set in until about 2 weeks prior but I had lots of help from friends and my Darling Husband so I know it would have been harder if I’d not had the help! Don’t feel bad at all. Most people when I talk with there were very relieved whent he wedding was over. It’s a huge undertaking and a challenge for the most organized and motivated bride!

My recommendation would be to make it known to your Fiance what you need his help with. Make sure that the tasks you give him are things that you are willing to let go of. Don’t ask him to do something that you’re not really sure how you want done. I know that totally annoyed my Darling Husband. Making lists helped me sooooo much! It was hard knowing how much still needed to be done, but at least then I could stratigize about how best to do it. The couple of weeks prior, I started taking my lap top to work so that I could do some of the grunt work (ie laying out name tags for the rehearsal dinner, finalizing the welcome newsletter for the out of towner, putting together the week and day of schedules, etc). I also made a schedule of what needed to be done each  night. It was so much easier to deal with when I knew I needed to do A,B, andC tonight instead of A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,….. You’ll get through it! I promise. And when you’re celebrating your first anniversary so many of the things you’re worrying about will be forgotten.

My mantra for the wedding was, if I didn’t enjoy doing it (like newsletters and customized water bottle labels and such) then I would either pay someone to do it if it was esential and ditch it if it were not. That really helped me focus! And I did end up ditching a few things the week of the wedding and I’m sooooooo glad I did. My guests never knew that they were missing out on the childhood video mantage I had hoped to put toghether, and i was a lot less stressed because of it!

You’ll be fine! Make a list and a game plan for getting it all done, and i bet you’ll feel much better!

Good luck!

Post # 6
5 posts
  • Wedding: September 2008

I can relate! My wedding isn’t until September but now we’re starting to get into the nitty-gritty details. I’m planning long distance as we live on the east coast and the wedding is in Seattle. My mom is helping but she works a million hours and is very busy. I’m saving my vacation from work for the wedding and honeymoon, so I’ve only been out there once since we were engaged! The other complication is that I’m an event planner for work so I spend nearly every weekend and weekday planning other people’s events and weddings so when it comes to my own I wish someone else could just do it for me!

The only thing I’ve found to help is to delegate as much to as many people as possible. I also found that if I stop obessing over the details and just focus on how happy I am to be marrying my fiance that I am a lot more content. People aren’t going to remember the favors or flowers, they’re going to remember being part of the wedding of two people they care about! 

Post # 7
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Breathe, my dear….deep breaths….

A wedding can definitely be overwhelming at times and it’s ok to scream and ok to cry, to laugh, and to take a step back.  It sounds like so much has happened to you and sometimes it’s hard to remember all the excitement of it all, but no worries, because come the big day, you’ll have the time of your life.  I strongly recommend taking one weekend off from planning or doing anything wedding related.  Instead, pamper yourself at a spa.  Get the full package and don’t feel guilty about it!  The mani, pedi, massage, scrub down…everything and just feel all the stress melt away…you’ll come back feeling refreshed and ready to attack the wedding again!  I’ve been where you are…and it sucks!  Luckily for me, my husband stepped up to the plate.  But no worries, we are hear for you and will listen to all your vents so long as you remember that at the end of the day, nobody will remember what they ate, what music was played, what the favors looked like, or even your color combo…they will remember the love that was in the room and the undying affection you and your fiancee share.  So hopefully with that in mind, you will remember to breathe…..it’s going to be OK!

Post # 8
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

You should definately try hard to be good to yourself.  That includes telling your Fiance how you are feeling (overwhelmed) and what you need from him.  Once the two of you are working as team, you will feel much better about everything – it really helps you to remember what the day is about – the marriage, not just the wedding.

Also, just ask friends for help.  People are more willing to jump in and help out than you might think.  If you’re the kind of person who has been doing it all yourself, it might not occur to you that you have some friends who would be happy to help assemble favors or whatever, over a few glasses of white wine and a few Tivo’d episodes of My Big RedNeck Wedding, but it’s true.  Find those people.

And see if you can’t find at least one little project you can be excited about – and let the rest go, unless they are absolutely necessary.  Reading Martha Stewart Weddings can absolutely convince you that you need stacks of paper (programs, escort cards, custom favor tags); mountains of decorations (tissue pomadors, napkin rings, sparkly confetti on the tables, butterflies in boxes, manzanita trees with ropes of crystals).  All that stuff photographs beautifully, but most of your guests won’t really notice.  My own sister had to look through her wedding album to remember what her centerpieces looked like, and she’s only been married four years.  (None of the rest of us remembered at all.)  People will remember:  the food, the music, and how much fun they had seeing Cousin Betty or Aunt Carla whom they hadn’t talked to in years.  If the rest of the stuff is overwhelming you, let it go.  Nobody is going to be raving about the bathroom baskets to all their friends and family when they get home – trust me.

I think the problem is that the day is supposed to be so perfect, so magical, so beautiful, that it’s just way to much pressure.  The most important thing is that you’re going to marry the man you love, in the presence of a community of people who love you. Just focus on that.  Even the dress doesn’t have to be perfect – you will be beautiful, and five hours later it will be in a dress bag and you’ll never wear it again.  All the drama around getting it right will be a funny story.  If you bought the perfect dress in the perfect size off the rack, it needed no alteration at all, and everything was fine – how boring is that to tell your grandchildren?  My sister wore my mom’s dress, and it fit perfectly, so she doesn’t even really remember how she decided to wear it or why.  She does remember how the dry cleaners had "lost" it three days before the wedding, and while my mom ran around town like a crazy person looking for other dresses the righ size I sat in the middle of the counter at the cleaners and told the story in great detail to every customer who came in the door until they turned the place inside out and found the dress.  Now that’s a good story!

And be sure to let us know how it’s going for you.  Everybody here understands how you feel.  Hopefully it helps at least a little just to know that.

Post # 9
15 posts
  • Wedding: April 2009

Not sure if this is in your budget but perhaps you can enlist the help of a wedding planner or day of coordinator. Given your stress and lack of time, it may be time to hand off some duties to a pro. Hang in there!

Post # 10
52 posts
Worker bee

In the end, you will be married. the rest of the stuff in icing on the cake.

I totally here you, and I am more naseous than excited right now – 2 weeks to go – but at the end, no matter the details, you will get married. If it doesn’t get done, it doesn’t – as long as you have a place, with some food, and an officiant – that is all you need!!

Post # 11
378 posts
Helper bee

Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this feeling. I had a breakdown Monday night because the ink on the invitations I stamped wasn’t dry enough to stack them and get them off the extra bed so I can start printing addresses on the envelopes to lay them out to dry (doesn’t help that it’s PMS week). Fiance just looked at me and said "give me something to do. What needs to be done."

Someone else on this board said something the other day that I have been repeating in my head many times this week "you can only eat an elephant one bite at a time" (or something like that). When you look at the big picture, it becomes AWFUL! Especially when you feel like you have no help. But just break it down. What absolutely needs to get done? You have a little more than a month. Maybe you can take your dress to another seamstress to see if they can help? Can you get some of your girlfriends to come over and help you put your whole wedding "get-up" on so you can see if it all works together? And the "ohhhs and ahhhhhs" don’t hurt much either, so that might help you get excited about it again.  

Also, if you’re a list-maker, do that, but break it down. (Hello, I make lists of the lists I need to make, I’m a little bit crazy). Ceremony, Reception, ME, Details, Wedding Party. That way I can concentrate a little more in each area. And it’s easier for me to see what needs to be done, and maybe delegate to people (Hey, Fiance, you need to find what tie you’re wearing. You don’t care? Well you’re the one who’s wearing it, so here are some websites I found. Pick one.)

Just take a deep breath and try to get away from it all this weekend. We’re actually going to another wedding in Canada and I’m very excited A) to see how someone else is doing it and B) to get away. And keep coming back here. We don’t think you’re crazy or losing it. Because most of us have been/are/will be in the same boat. And I know people keep saying that the little things don’t matter. Sometimes they don’t. But I know for me, the little things are what are making me happy (customized stamps), aside from the fact that I’m marrying my best friend. So just determine what’s going to make you happy and head in that direction. Good luck!

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