(Closed) Feeling unsure about the choices I have made

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

WorryBee:  So you met, fell in love, and married a man who lives in another country and now that it’s time for the two of you to actually live together you don’t want to move?  It honestly sounds to me like you got swept up in the excitement of a new relaitionship and got married before actually thinking out what being married to someone from a different country was going to be like.

I think you need to really think it through about whether you are actually willing to work on this relationship or not.  Personally I don’t think you were ever truly committed to this relationship because you never truly knew this man and you should just go ahead and file for divorce.  But maybe I am reading the situation wrong.

Post # 3
5226 posts
Bee Keeper

WorryBee:  I think that the additional stress of having a long distance marriage may be contributing to the bickering you are experiencing. Go forward with the move and see what happens once you are settled in to normal married life. Once you are living together and seeing each other everyday, he may be more relaxed about you spending time with other people. He may be less sensitive about your input during discussions once you are together more as well. It sounds like he feels insecure.

FWIW, I got married 3 months into a LDR. The first year of our marriage was a real transition, but we settled in. We will be renewing our vows on our 8 year anniversary next year 🙂

Good luck OP, and keep us posted!

Post # 4
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Now that counselling would not delay the marriage, perhaps your spouse would be more open to it? It’s not that common but there are cousilors who will meet via Skype for sessions. Perhaps you can find one? This might help to just facilitate some of those more difficult discussions. Does your spouse realise just how unhappy you are, to the extent that you are considering divorce? If not they perhaps they don’t realise how important it is to you that things get fixed And are just hoping to push everything back until you are together in person. I truly hope that you can fix things and more forward together but it will be tough. Good luck! 

Post # 5
9782 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

Well yes, you jumped into this wayyyy too fast. But whats done is done and you’re married now. So I think you owe it to yourselves to see if it can actually work- and you will simply never know with all this distance. 

You need to see what life for you two is like once distance is not a factor. Good luck!

Post # 6
2638 posts
Sugar bee

WorryBee:  oh man, i am sorry Bee.

I agree with the PP above and see if he is open to the idea of counseling now that you two are married. Present it to him as a session to help you adjust into everyday life together. 

If you are having doubts, don’t force yourself into it. Sometimes we have these feelings for a reason. Could you possibly do a visitors visa and stay with him for a month or two, to get a vibe of how married life will be. 

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