(Closed) Feeling unworthy of their time… Is this how the wedding will be?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My brother didn’t show up to our e party – he forgot. My mum got there at 9 (it started at 6). FI’s brother decided to go camping instead (he’s a groomsman!)

I feel some people don’t take e parties seriously. However, I know they will all be there on the wedding day. Try not to worry too much πŸ™‚

Post # 4
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think people just don’t see e-parties as having the same significance as weddings.  I actually don’t know anyone who has had an e-party (although I live in California, far from Austrailia).  I wouldn’t worry about a similar thing at your wedding, for reals!! (Unless it’s on a worknight, that’s when people leave early)

ETA: Not trying to be rude, but goodness, 75 is not a small party!! Nor is 55! That’s more than we had at our wedding!! Try not to overthink it πŸ™‚

Post # 5
42 posts

@FutureMrsHallam:  That’s really sad to hear and scary because I’ve been fearing the exact same thing! I haven’t had my engagement party yet (which is looking at 160 guests – wog engagement) and have been having wedding nightmares already that when I walk in to the reception no one is even paying attention to me. It has always been a worry of mine that people don’t see me as close as I see them and may not make an attempt.. I guess I’ll see how the engagement turns out and if I feel people don’t show an interest then I’ll defintely have a small wedding with those who were genuine. 

Post # 6
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@loving_life:  I agree. I think an engagement part at someone’s house is usually pretty casual. I wouldn’t be offended if people left before 9:30. 

Post # 7
3402 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@FutureMrsHallam:  Aww, I feel terrible that you are feeling this way πŸ™

But, I want to be honest with you by sharing my experience so that you can be prepared for what may happen.

We invited about 110 to our wedding, & eventually were expecting 96 people after RSVPs & doubling checking our count. 10 people just didn’t even show up to the wedding who had RSVPed yes in writing, & the vast majority of our other guests left the wedding almost *immediately* after dinner was done. And I think we only served maybe 5 pieces of cake.

People seemed rushed (around 5-10 people left immediately after the ceremony without saying a word) & most of the rest of the people just seemed very disengaged. By the time speeches were given & then the first dances, over half of our guests had left (about 9:30pm). I realize that part of this might be the fact that our wedding started at 7pm on a Friday, & some people had travel times of about 1.5hrs, but honestly, I just can’t imagine looking around at a wedding & seeing people booking it in a herd toward the door & then still not thinking “wow, this is rude, maybe we should stay at least until they cut the cake & dance, especially since the place is seriously starting to thin out..”

But no, people don’t think of other peoples’ weddings as sacred and once-in-a-lifetime. People can be really inconsiderate & self serving. If I had it to do over again, I would have either eloped, had a destination wedding, or just kept the guest list to be absolutely nearest & dearest, down to only 30-40 people.

If you are concerned about feeling crappy on the big day because people leave whenever the hell they feel like it, with no concern for your feelings, then you might want to reconfigure now, because your feelings will probably end up hurt. I don’t say this to upset you, just to make sure you are aware of how it might be. Of course, it may just be that they didn’t really consider your engagement party a formal enough occasion to stay the whole night for. You really can’t know, & it’s a risk you’ll have to decide whether or not to take.

*btw, my wedding probably sounds like a snooze-ville since so many people left, but honestly I can’t figure it out. We had music & an open bar, lots of food, & the space was comfortable. I’m still so baffled by how inconsiderate people were to have just left when the night had just begun.  

Post # 8
8438 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@FutureMrsHallam:  Well the truth is that no one is as interested or as excited about your engagement/wedding as you. They all have lives of their own and they take priority, rightly so, over your priorities.

I think it is kind of unfair to say that your event is more important than someone elses event, especially if you do not know them. Your friends and family came and supported you, it doesnt matter how long they stayed, just that they showed up.


Post # 10
6350 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@FutureMrsHallam:  Over here, engagement parties aren’t really a big thing, so, this wouldn’t surprise me; it was also one of the reasons why we didn’t bother having one.

I tend to see engagements as a personal thing, of interest to the couple and best friends/immediate family, but not of great interest or significance to the majority of people. I would be unlikely to attend someone’s engagement party unless I was very close to them.

Post # 12
6350 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

@FutureMrsHallam:  I wonder if maybe your age has something to do with the more luke-warm response? It does seem odd that FSIL’s turn-out was much bigger, so I wonder if perhaps this could be the reason? For example, how long have you been together? Have you set a firm date? Are you still studying? These are all things which could affect the response.

Post # 14
11355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

It is a fact of life that various sports are taken quite seriously by the people who follow them. I attended a very elegant, Sunday afternoon/evening, fall wedding in a city where American football is taken very seriously and during a time period when the hometown team was playing. I have no idea how many of the couple’s family and friends may have left early, if any. However, I will tell you that someone at at least one table brought a small TV, and numerous guests were gathered around watching in this elegant ballroom, and many others of us were subtly checking our smart phones for score updates for our various teams while other guests were dancing.

Post # 16
3421 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

Listen, now you know who tresures you in your lives. Don’t think about the people who cut out. Think about the people who stayed. You can have a wonderful wedding with 55 guest. 


Its Quality over Quantity


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