(Closed) Feeling very insecure and jealous after bachelor party

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
OceanCG:  Your Fiance was honest with you, he voluntarily shared a “secret”, and he is willing to forgo future visits to strip clubs if they make you feel uncomfortable.   Personally I think you have a terrific guy there.  Put it behind you and move forward – I think the whole experience brought you two closer.   🙂  

Post # 17
Member
480 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
OceanCG:  Welcome to the male species! Strip clubs exist because it’s the nature of the beast for guys to want them. Men are visually stimulated and if one ever says otherwise, I would have doubts either about his sexuality or his level of truthfulness. I’m not trying to feed your insecurity . . . just calling a spade a spade. The fact that your DH felt confident enough to tell you the truth speaks volumes about his character. This is a good thing. It’s also more information than you had before. Use it to your advantage! Surprise him by doing the unexpected once in awhile. Become his private lap dancer as an occasional treat. If you’re willing to experiment with this, wait ’til he’s not around, then put on some music with a sexy rhythm and practice some sensual moves. Believe me, he will feel that he’s the luckiest man alive.  If my remembrance hasn’t failed me, men find confident/independent women that are understanding and interested in their feelings to be the most appealing. But there’s much to be said for sexual attraction as well . . . It’s right there at the top. I’m going to be one who says do NOT “set rules” about what DH can and cannot do. He’s a man, not a little boy. And he will resent the rule-making as well as the allusion that he isn’t trustworthy. I occasionally went to strip clubs with my late husband, and personally did not find it to be a big deal. Try not to be jealous. Truly. It’s YOU that he loves and wants to come home to every day, and that’s what matters.

Post # 18
Member
2260 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

As much as you feel horrible knowing what happened, you should be glad that your DH was clear and honest about not only about what he was doing but the entire group. And while you can’t go back in time and be more clear about what you are and are not okay with, you know better for the future now. 

As for the future, I know you feel differently about him feeling comfortable about using the services of another woman but he is who he is in part because of your relationship. While he is his own person, we all have those different elements of our personality that would react differently in different situation and he was very clear that this is something he would seek if it wasn’t for you or for him being in a strong commited relationship like your own. Yes this is another side of him but it is not him or who he is when he is with you.  I hope that makes sense. 

Post # 19
Member
13612 posts
Honey Beekeeper

You can keep that brand of honesty as far as I’d be concerned. I’d expect conduct that meets  higher standards.

Post # 20
Member
350 posts
Helper bee

 

View original reply
thistle89:  +10000000

Humans are curious by nature and we are very sexual human beings. Porn doesn’t always ruin marriages… if it does then there are just underlying issues that were never spoken of (curiosity, fetishes etc)

Post # 21
Member
1754 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I think your Fiance sounds like a really honest, open, and loving guy. It sounds to me like he’s telling you he found it hot because he wants to be honest but also maybe because he’d be interested in “acting out” similar things with you. He’s not saying “I wish I could have sex with a prostitute.” He’s saying “I think the idea turns me on,” which let’s be real, lots of people have fantasies they wouldn’t actually do. Lots of women (and men) pretend to be strippers for their SOs once in a while because it’s fun. I would WAY not worry about this. 

I would, however, tell the wife of that other guy what happened IMMEDIATELY. This is a health issue even beyond being an ethical issue. I also wouldn’t want that dude at my wedding or in my life.

Post # 22
Member
769 posts
Busy bee

Gawd, I’m so sick of this “men are all the same” bullshit. Sure, and all women want to pop out a litter of kids, right? Talk about the bloody dark ages!

Post # 23
Member
230 posts
Helper bee

What is a married man doing at a bachelor’s party, FFS? I can’t imagine any married man over 21 being stupid enough to attend one.

Even for the single frat boys – the risk management equation is horrible. There’s so little that can go right and so much that can go wrong. The little that can go right lasts a night. The lot that can go wrong can last a lifetime.

Google has a search suggestion:

“should i let my husband go to a bachelor party”

F, no! (I can’t believe how many wives are even wondering about this!)

OP, your husband was a damn fool for going even after you told him to go.

He should have been smart enough to ask himself, “What could possibly go wrong?”

For him, for you, for your relationship, and the relationship of the other married man and his wife.

Surprise, surprise, he caused problems for your marriage and the other guy probably ruined his marriage.

Post # 24
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

Why… Oh why…. Do women tell their men it’s ok  even encourage them to go to strip clubs/wild batchelor parties and then grill them about it and spiral into devastation when they hear the inevitable?! 

Setting expectations is crucial. And if you don’t want your man to have a bachelor party don’t try to be the cool girl and agree to go along with it. 

Post # 25
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee

I am the only one who doesn’t care if their SO goes to a strip club? I just don’t really see the harm. The stripper giving the lap dance is working, she’s not trying to entice you partners into sex, just more lap dances. It’s not sexual for her at all. And guys get off because there’s a naked girl dancing in front of them. There’s usually a strong no touching rule so the guys can’t touch (unless they pay more I guess) and it’s not like the stripper is going to jerk someone off just cause she can. I know I get a little aroused when I see half naked guys on the beach Etc so it’s really no different. Now if they want more and then head to a brothel, sure you’ve got a problem on your hands but I don’t know why everyone had such an issue with lap dances. 

Post # 26
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Considering prostitution even when single would be a deal breaker for me. The very idea that it is okay to purchase female body for a certain time to do what one wants is absolutely horrifying. That mode of thinking inevitably creeps into everyday life also when thinking of other women or other people’s bodies, etc. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by  seilan.
Post # 27
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

View original reply
mandabride00:  agree!! pretty much every red blooded heterosexual man would enjoy a lap dance whether wives or girlfriend want to believe that or not. 

Post # 28
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’m smelling “not having tried enough before getting married”. Most guys want to at least try things like that. They may forgo it for their partners but yeah, most will enjoy having se or getting a lap dance. Unsurprisingly. 

Post # 29
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

I laugh when I see the word LET in a post. If let was part of my relationship I would not be in a relationship.

Post # 30
Member
9800 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
southerncharm:  maybe they go because their friends or brothers are getting married?  It’s a little ridiculous to assume no married man would want to go to a bachelor party if they have a close friend or sibling getting married.  Some of them are pretty tame (depending on the groom).  For my DH brother (who doesn’t even drink), they went to a casino and the last one my DH went to (for a friend) they went to the place you drink and hit golf balls at the driving range plus a baseball game.  There was talk of driving to a strip club later that night but my DH wanted no part of that and would have just come home if they all left (he’s too old and we have kids so we don’t really have the energy to be out partying all night).  No idea if any of the rest of them ended up going.  They’re not all strip clubs and prostitutes all the time.  If all your friends are spending their time going to brothels you probably need new friends.

The topic ‘Feeling very insecure and jealous after bachelor party’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors