- 4 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014
As much as you feel horrible knowing what happened, you should be glad that your DH was clear and honest about not only about what he was doing but the entire group. And while you can’t go back in time and be more clear about what you are and are not okay with, you know better for the future now.
As for the future, I know you feel differently about him feeling comfortable about using the services of another woman but he is who he is in part because of your relationship. While he is his own person, we all have those different elements of our personality that would react differently in different situation and he was very clear that this is something he would seek if it wasn’t for you or for him being in a strong commited relationship like your own. Yes this is another side of him but it is not him or who he is when he is with you. I hope that makes sense.
You can keep that brand of honesty as far as I’d be concerned. I’d expect conduct that meets higher standards.
I think your Fiance sounds like a really honest, open, and loving guy. It sounds to me like he’s telling you he found it hot because he wants to be honest but also maybe because he’d be interested in “acting out” similar things with you. He’s not saying “I wish I could have sex with a prostitute.” He’s saying “I think the idea turns me on,” which let’s be real, lots of people have fantasies they wouldn’t actually do. Lots of women (and men) pretend to be strippers for their SOs once in a while because it’s fun. I would WAY not worry about this.
I would, however, tell the wife of that other guy what happened IMMEDIATELY. This is a health issue even beyond being an ethical issue. I also wouldn’t want that dude at my wedding or in my life.
Gawd, I’m so sick of this “men are all the same” bullshit. Sure, and all women want to pop out a litter of kids, right? Talk about the bloody dark ages!
What is a married man doing at a bachelor’s party, FFS? I can’t imagine any married man over 21 being stupid enough to attend one.
Even for the single frat boys – the risk management equation is horrible. There’s so little that can go right and so much that can go wrong. The little that can go right lasts a night. The lot that can go wrong can last a lifetime.
Google has a search suggestion:
“should i let my husband go to a bachelor party”
F, no! (I can’t believe how many wives are even wondering about this!)
OP, your husband was a damn fool for going even after you told him to go.
He should have been smart enough to ask himself, “What could possibly go wrong?”
For him, for you, for your relationship, and the relationship of the other married man and his wife.
Surprise, surprise, he caused problems for your marriage and the other guy probably ruined his marriage.
Why… Oh why…. Do women tell their men it’s ok even encourage them to go to strip clubs/wild batchelor parties and then grill them about it and spiral into devastation when they hear the inevitable?!
Setting expectations is crucial. And if you don’t want your man to have a bachelor party don’t try to be the cool girl and agree to go along with it.
I am the only one who doesn’t care if their SO goes to a strip club? I just don’t really see the harm. The stripper giving the lap dance is working, she’s not trying to entice you partners into sex, just more lap dances. It’s not sexual for her at all. And guys get off because there’s a naked girl dancing in front of them. There’s usually a strong no touching rule so the guys can’t touch (unless they pay more I guess) and it’s not like the stripper is going to jerk someone off just cause she can. I know I get a little aroused when I see half naked guys on the beach Etc so it’s really no different. Now if they want more and then head to a brothel, sure you’ve got a problem on your hands but I don’t know why everyone had such an issue with lap dances.
Considering prostitution even when single would be a deal breaker for me. The very idea that it is okay to purchase female body for a certain time to do what one wants is absolutely horrifying. That mode of thinking inevitably creeps into everyday life also when thinking of other women or other people’s bodies, etc.
I’m smelling “not having tried enough before getting married”. Most guys want to at least try things like that. They may forgo it for their partners but yeah, most will enjoy having se or getting a lap dance. Unsurprisingly.
I laugh when I see the word LET in a post. If let was part of my relationship I would not be in a relationship.
The topic ‘Feeling very insecure and jealous after bachelor party’ is closed to new replies.