(Closed) Feeling very low and like a bad mom today….

posted 6 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

It really tough sometimes balancing work and mommy time. Is there anyway that you could change to a daycare closer to your work? When my oldest was young I had a longer commute too and she would ride with me and go to daycare right acrss the street. Granted she was old enough that we could sing in the car and talk about her day.

Post # 4
Member
9690 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Tatum:   ((HUGS))  You’re not a bad mom!  You’re doing what you have to do and the best you can.  This makes me so sad.  I stayed home for four years with my son but even leaving him at age four about killed me, lol.  It never gets easier being away from your baby.  (Now my baby is in college and I still can’t stand it).

Your husband is right and she’s fine but I know how you feel, it’s so hard.  I think Mommies go through separation anxiety even more than babies do. 

But what your baby will remember is all the beautiful moments you’ll spend together when you can.  Sometimes it really is true that the quality of the time is more important than the quantity of time.

I wish you all the best!

Edit:  I also think that Dads can’t quite “get it” in the same way how attached we are to our babies, it’s a visceral-woman thing.

Post # 5
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

While I generally agree with PP about finding a daycare closer to your work, I will say it is hard with an infant on a long commute.  I did this when DS was an infant (had him in a home daycare close to my office), and while it was nice to have that extra time, when he was fussy, it was a fussy hour long car ride home and there was nothing we could do about it.  Not exactly quality time… 

I’m sure you have a bedtime routine already established, but don’t underestimate the benefit of even just watching your LO or holding her while she’s asleep.  Having that connection.. hearing your heartbeat… breathing in your scent… you could be giving both of you comfort if you take some peaceful moments.  Maybe get up 15 minutes earlier in the mornings and just hold her while she sleeps… I used to do that with DS, and at a minimum, it helped me.

Post # 6
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

@Sunfire:  Completely agree that Dad’s often just don’t feel the same way about these things as mom’s do. At least not my Dh:)

Post # 7
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh gosh (( hugs )) I feel you, 1000%. Don’t beat yourself up, you are doing the best you can. That’s all any of us can do. It does get better as they get older, I promise you that. My 4 year old doesn’t even bat an eye that I work long hours and even though I miss him the few hours we get count. Hang in there, being a working Mom is tough but just know you are a GOOD Mom. 

Post # 8
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@Tatum:  Lots of hugs. You’re not a bad mom. You’re providing for her to have a wonderful life. It’s so hard to drop your little one off every day and only see her for an hour or two at a time at night. I’m going to be in the same situation once our baby arrives in the Fall. My commute to and from work is an hour and 15 minutes or more every day, so I totally feel your pain. 

I agree with @inspiredcreations: don’t underestimate your time watching her sleep too. I know it’s not the same as seeing her smile, but I’m sure she can sense that you’re there watching over her.

Post # 9
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I had an hour or more commute for years, in the beginning family watched him. I first started in daycare when he was 3. I dropped my son off at daycare at 7am and picked him up at 6pm every day. He cried when I dropped him off every day for the first year. However one day after a few months had passed, I had to run back and drop something off. I saw that within a few minutes the tears had dried up and he was off playing with his friends.

It  tore my heart out at first but I didn’t have any choice. I also had to work many nights where I would pick him up and take him to my mom’s then go back to work till much later. We do what we have to do as parents. If it means we spend less time with them to make sure that they have a place to live and food to eat then we do it. Don’t ever feel bad for taking care of your child. It might not be physically but you are still taking care of your child.

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