- 7 years ago
- Wedding: April 2012
Not posting in my usual name. Not sure why, just afraid that if this gets discovered somehow then things will be even worse.
I am feeling extremely shut out by my FI’s family. Luckily Fiance and I live together already or I’m sure it would be impossible to see him. He is always being invited to his parents house or to things in his hometown and I am not allowed to go with him. Even if he’s meeting with friends, we must not be seen together so I cannot go. I have gone along with this for 2 years but now that we’re engaged and I’m still so harshly shut out all the time I am reaching breaking point.
I have only met his parents a handful of times, and apparently they like me but it doesn’t feel that way when they invite him, well INSIST he go to things, without me. Even worse, he has to tell everyone he is single when he goes to things and pretend I don’t exist. Apparently this will change once we’re married. He will go first thing in the morning and I will be left at home crying my heart out until the early hours of the next morning as I feel so hurt, but also kind of betrayed by this.
Now his cousin is getting married to a girl he knows this month. This girl started texting Fiance constantly about her wedding and he asked about bringing me. She refused, despite the fact she allegedly has been through the same thing herself with this family and made it clear he has to pretend to be single at her wedding. But she wouldn’t just leave it at that, she would text Fiance over and over about how excited she was to the point that it felt like she was being catty and trying to rub it in that I was shut out. She will be allowed to come to our wedding in a few months, no questions asked. In fact if we didn’t invite her we would get a lot of hassle from his family.
Initially Fiance was very supportive and said he wouldn’t attend either. My family have been very welcoming to him, always inviting him to things and he was invited to my cousins wedding before we were engaged and my cousin hadn’t even met him! He said we would do something instead and just forget their wedding.
But his dad has been rather bullish and trying to insist that he attend saying that if he doesn’t then things will never change and that *I* have to “make the effort”??!! And now Fiance has been saying how he’s upset about not going. He has been making snarky comments about “not being allowed to go” when initially he seemed understanding and supportive. He has also said that it’s taken the joy out of our own wedding as he is so sad about not being able to go, yet doesn’t seem to understand that I feel just as sad to be shunned like this, for no reason as they don’t even know me 🙁
I don’t know if I’m over reacting….I feel it now that Fiance has been saying these things. But I also feel hurt and lost, but also betrayed. Not just because I feel shut out (although this hurts a lot) but denying I even exist just feels wrong and unfaithful, not in the cheating sense but it’s not very loyal to outright deny your wife to be surely?
Can anybody help me make sense of all this? I am breaking down writing this, it hurts so much :'(