Post # 1
Does everyone feel happy to take your FI’s last name (for those who are chosing to do so)? I am all for going with tradition and changing my name, mostly because I want our children to feel like it is one family with one name and just seems practical. I can’t help but feel a little sad by it though. Does anyone else feel this way?
The thing is that neither my FI nor I are particularly close with our fathers and so neither of us is super proud of our last name, family heritage etc. Both of us identify much more closely with our mothers’ families. So it seems to be this change of identity without a positive history or overall energy to it. I am not sure if that makes any sense at all.
I know that the main thing is my FI and of course things there are very positive and becoming a family is wonderful to me. I just can’t help but think about the impending name change with a little tinge of saddness. Is this normal?
Post # 2
I can’t wait! His last name is really cool, but still easy to spell. My last name is one letter different than a very common last name and I’ve grown up my entire life having my last name mispronounced and mispelled. I like the idea that in this day and age you can really do what you want. True there are conventions, but if you don’t like them then I firmly believe that you should do what you want.
Post # 3
I am happy about taking his last name but am feeling sad as I use my address labels knowing it will be for one of the last times, checks, etc.
I NEVER EVER thought I would take a man’s last name, so the fact that I am doing so is taking everybody, me the most, by surprise. He would not have minded if I chose not to–he likes that I am but was truly shocked when I asked him how he would feel if I chose to.
Can’t wait to do it, but am feeling a little sad.
Post # 4
I’m happy. I have some family reasons and changing my last name is vital to me.
Post # 5
I’m so excited! To me it’s just part of making the marriage official and starting our new lives together. I wouldn’t have it any other way! I already have tons of stuff being monogrammed with my new name!
Post # 6
serendipity24: I totally hear you. I’ve always known i’d want to take my FI’s surname but as the wedding gets closer I feel strange that I won’t have my maiden name anymore (it suddenly dawned on me that by this time next year i’ll never use my maiden name again!). Its a very unusual name and while its been a pain in the bum at times, i’ve always kinda liked that it stands out.
I can also relate to you identifying with your mums family more, I actually used my mums maiden name for years (which i’m going to make my middle name once we’re married).
I’m very close to my mums family and it will be sad not to be linked to them by name (even though I never legally was, I use it all the time) but the way I see it is i’m not necessarily becoming part of my FI’s family and losing the connection to mine, we’re creating a family of our own!
I think a LOT of women who choose or toy with the idea of changing their name feel some level of this. Your name is very much part of your identity!
Post # 7
I was more than happy to take my husband’s name. My middle name is a female version of my dad’s so I still have a piece of my family in my name. Having a one surname household is important to me.
Post # 8
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I think it’s totally normal – your name is a big part of your identity! Even if it doesn’t have a lot of meaning re: your dad, it still represents you.
So yeah, it’s a kind of weird thing to change it. I’m 31 and I’ve been married for 7 months and I’m still not used to it. But at the same time, I still feel a little thrill of happiness when I say or write my new name. (And I kept my maiden name as a middle name, so I didn’t lose that entirely.)
Anyway, don’t feel badly – it’s totally understandable.
Post # 9
I hate that I’m changing my last name! I have an amazing Dad and I love carrying his last name! So yes I will be very sad when it happens. FH doesn’t see the big deal but to me my last name tells some of my history and I’m proud of it.
Post # 10
I am actually quite sad about the prospect of changing my last name. My father and I are incredibly close, and we have the same name (ish, I’m his junior), and I am actually the end of the line for my family’s last name. Its bittersweet, since I do want the family cohesiveness of all having the same last name, but I actually love my name, since it is very unique (although, his is too.) Upon reflection, I may just change my name when we have a child together, and keep it as is in the meantime (like, the next decade). Always an option!
Post # 11
serendipity24: You know you can both change your last names. I have a friend whose husband didn’t like/wasn’t proud of his father’s side of the family so when they got married, they both took his mother’s maiden name. You could do that, or combine your last names to make a new name!
Post # 12
I was not looking forward AT ALL to taking DH’s last name. I don’t really like it, I don’t think it sounds good with my first name, and I didn’t really want to go through all the work to change my name. DH REALLY wanted me to change my name. I told him I would, but only if he got all the paperwork and did most of the leg work, like researching what I needed to do to change my name with all the places I needed to change it, and he’d have to get the forms and fill out what he could.
Fast forward to when I had to change my name: DH has done NOTHING to help me change my name besides printing out the new passport forms and coming with me to where I needed to change my SIN. And that last bit? He only came because we were out doing other errands together when I decided to stop in. And to make matters worse? Even though he kept going on and on and on about how important it was to him for me to change his name, right adter I changed my name on the first document? He commented to a friend that it’s not a big deal if a woman doesn’t change her name when she gets married. I was and am still pretty pissed off about it.
Post # 13
serendipity24: I hate the idea of changing my last name for two reasons. ! First I love my last name because its not a common last name and two all the paper work changes that are coming ugh. My fiance doesn’t really understand why it bothers me as much as I’ve tried to explain it…..BUT I’ve come up with a compromise! I hate my middle names with a passion. They don’t flow and well I just don’t like them personally so when it comes to my name change, I am going to have my first name, my maiden name moved to replace my 2 middle names and his last name. Best of both worlds and doesn’t make me as sad! We aren’t planning for children but if it happens, they’ll all have the same last name.
Post # 14
FI doesn’t care at all. My last name is nicer than him, so I probably won’t change it until we have kids and it becomes more convenient to have the same last name. FI would totally hyphenate and change his last name if I wanted it. It’s not something really important for us.
Post # 15
The first time I was married was 26 years ago. I felt the same way..sad to leave my maiden name behind but yet excited to take his. Now 26 years later, I barely remember my maiden name. So ladies you will ease into whichever name you chose and one day not too far away it will feel like a warm, comfy favorite blanket/sweater/etc and you will never look back.