(Closed) Feelings about taking his last name

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am feeling very hesitant about changing my last name. I don’t accept that my future children require us all to have the same last name to feel like a real cohesive family. Women are the ones who give birth, if anything shouldn’t THEY be the ones with the last names? That’s my two cents…but I’m undecided.

Post # 17
Member
213 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m fine, heck I want to take his last name. I’ve had issues iwth my last name my whole life as when I was born, since my mother and father weren’t married…they made her put her maiden name for my last name. But when they put me in school I went by my fathers name…so when the time came to get my driver’s license/other important documents, I had to revert to the name on the certificate. Needless to say I don’t have much of an attachment to my maiden name.

Post # 18
Member
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Fiance and I are hyphenating our names. Both have four letters and begin with a K, and because we’re both women neither of us really want to forfeit our names. Also, my dad only has me and my sister, so this is a great way to carry our surname on as well.

Post # 19
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I am super excited about changing my last name. I love his family and am super excited that Fiance and are will be officially family. 

That being said, I’m being ridiculous and keeping my maiden last name as a second middle name. My name will now be something along the lines of: Jennifer Melissa Strawberry Newlast (All fakes, but the right number of letters). It’s a mouthful, but I just can’t seem to part with any of it! 😉

Post # 20
Member
2684 posts
Sugar bee

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serendipity24:  I’m really excited….but also kind of sad. My last name, although it caused lots of jokes growing up, is uncommon and I like that. His is also uncommon but it’s longer and it’s not mine lol. I cannot wait though 🙂

Post # 21
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

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serendipity24:  My Fiance isn’t very close to his dad either. Due to his parents divorcing at a young age, and his dad putting his new wifes’ kids over his own. My Fiance was basically raised by his mum from age 6/7.

I intend on taking my FI’s last name. Not particuarly because of tradition as such, but I love the idea of having his last name as such. Im going from Brown to Sunbeam, and think its such a beautiful last name to have:)

Post # 22
Member
2587 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - UK

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serendipity24:  This is something I’ve definitely been struggling with, and I think I’ve settled on hyphenating. I’m very proud of my last name, but I also want to recognise that I am married to my FH. So hyphenating seems to be the way forwards!

Post # 23
Member
1058 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

 

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serendipity24:  Went ahead with name change for the same reasons you did. For me, not so much that it was sad, as a major hassle. I had to go through so much paperwork, changing the name with Social Security, banks, investment firms, drivers license, the Human Resources department at both places that I work. Major hassle.

Don’t like hyphenated names, but kind of wish I had kept my old last name as a middle name. Didn’t ever have to be used, but would still be there. Check out if that is a possibility in your state.

Post # 24
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Can’t wait to change my last name. Though i love my family and its heritage the last name is way too diffucult to spell. As we move around alot in Europe would be practical to have a surname that people can actually understand without you having to spell it every time! 

Post # 25
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m a bit sad that I lost my maiden name, but I get excited everytime I see something with my new last name on it! I have a brother, so he’ll be carrying on my dad’s last name, so I don’t feel quite as bad as I would if the name ended with me.

Post # 26
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I was and am super hesitant about the whole thing, so I’m not taking his last name. Mine is a rarity even in my own country, and taking FI’s name would mask my nationality and ethnicity completely, since I have a nearly perfect American accent and white skin. I can’t just give up my background like that, especially when his name is so common, so there’s no way I’d actually give up my name. What I’m doing is adding his name to mine, without a hyphen if possible, with a hyphen if I have to. I don’t really like hyphenated names that much, but it’s a way better option that giving up my name altogether.

The way I see it, I’m never going to stop being a part of my own family, nor will I ever really be a part of his family. I’m also never going to be American, so what’s the point in having an American name? I’ll be Finnish-American, though, so having a name that reflects that makes perfect sense. So, actually, he’s also switching his name! We’ll have the same double last name, and so will our kids. Not only does it combine us into a brand new family that’s an extension of both our families, it also makes it handier to travel between Finland and America, since we can primarily use my name here and his name in America. So, it’s a win-win, aside from being pretty long and undoubtedly causing many issues in the US with it’s length, difficult spelling, and unusual nature overall (in Finland, hyphenated names are actually really common).

So I guess it’s sorta something like what they do with last names in Spain? Sorta. 

Post # 27
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It’s funny – I never really thought about it until last night. I was making up our place cards and of course, when it came to mine, I wrote out my new last name , and it didn’t necessarily make me SAD…a little strange not to see “my” name anymore. I’m still excited to take his name and I wouldn’t change my mind.

Post # 28
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I agree about “one family one name” — so we are creating a third last name! It’s not a combo of our names, it’s just something that’s meaningful to us.

I was not willing to take his name. He was willing to take mine, and while I know (and admire!) couples who have done this, I think his family would have been unneccessarily offended. I’m more than willing to offend them other ways 😉 But I didn’t want Fiance to have to have this argument his entire life, and while they still don’t like that he’s changing his name, they accept it, in part because no one is picking one family over another.

Anyway, I like to mention that we’re doing this, because I think a lot of women who feel really sad about the name change don’t consider that this is really an option. It is! People have been very positive about it and happy for us.

Post # 29
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Maui

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An-chan:  I guess I am kind of the opposite case of you.  I’m an American living in Japan getting married to a Japanese guy.  My last name is technically Irish, and it is quite unique and rare in America.  However, I’m looking forward to changing my last name because I plan on living in Japan permanently and non-Japanese names are too much of a hassle.  No one here can spell my name or pronounce it, no one is sure which name is my first name and which is my family name because the order is reversed, and since my name doesn’t have Japanese characters, it causes all sorts of problems when filling in forms and doing official stuff.  

There are few foreigners in Japan so there are a lot of stereotypes, like foreigners only stay a short time and can’t speak Japanese.  I have been here for 7 years and I speak Japanese fluently with near native pronunciation. My looks will always give me away as a foreigner, but it always gets awkward when I am on the telephone making reservations, and everything goes smoothly until I say my foreign name, then the person on the other end freezes up and often tries to use English or dumb down their Japanese to be understood (although I was understanding them perfectly find up until that point, go figure).  I started using my fiances last name for telephone calls and it solved the problem.  His last name is a very typical Japanese name, like the equivalent of “Smith” in English.  I know I will never be Japanese, and I don’t want to be Japanese, but I am willing to make changes to make things a little easier.

By the way, it is Japanese law that a husband and wife have the same last name.  There is no rule saying the wife has to take her husband’s name, it’s totally fine if a man wants to take his wife’s name. But still, 99% of the time the wife takes her husband’s name.  My fiance is a sweetie and offered to take my last name if I felt strongly about keeping it, but I would honestly rather have his name.

Post # 30
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I changed mine and I’m glad I did it. I was hesitant for a while because I have an advanced degree and publications under my maiden name, but with technology these days it’s really not that hard for people to figure out your name(s). I ultimately changed it because I want my kids to have the same last name as I do, and my maiden name is pretty ugly and hard to pronounce. My new last name is one that people have actually heard of before, which is kind of nice! I know it seems like a big deal, but I didn’t really think it was. You just have to rip off the bandaid…

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