(Closed) Feelings hurt. What to do?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Leave your husband. The only person who will fight for your children is you. They are your number one priority and your husband is a complete ass. This is the kind of thing that scars children long into their adult lives. 

Post # 3
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

And yes, I would ask her why my children were the only ones clearly excluded.

Post # 4
Member
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I would leave. It’s one thing to disrespect you…it’s another thing to disrespect your children. This man has shown you repeatedly how he views your children and that’s not okay. You need to step up for you kids and show them that such treatment is not okay…or what kind of example is this for them and how they can expect partners to treat their future kids and treatment of themselves? 

I understand that it’s not easy and I understand religious teachings may compell you to stay but I think you’ll be making a big mistake by continuing to set these examples for your children and I believe you deserve better as well.

I would definitely ask why as well as PP said too because that is ridiculous. This is a church your children go to and to be excluded in such a way when all other church families were there is awful. 

Good luck.

Post # 5
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

jessc27 :  + 1 Please stand up for your children. This kind of behaviour does scar children well into their adult lives, and can often result in mental health or self esteem issues. Your parents should support you and treat you with love and this man is not treating your children like this, and blatantly choosing his own child over them. Don’t let this be their story. 
 

Post # 7
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

anonymoushippopotamus :  well done, that must have been difficult. Your children will respect and love you for your decision. I’m sorry this is happening. It must be awful 

Post # 9
Member
7819 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

We have a blended family and if my husband ever  treated my daughter like this I would not tolerate it. When we got married he said vows to her as well as me. This is not a good situation and I implore you to put your children first. The favoritism he shows his daughter is not cool and you should not put up with it.

Post # 10
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Leave him. Don’t be the woman who lets her kids get disrespected because she’s love struck.

Don’t just ask for a divorce, make an appointment with an attorney and get the ball rolling now

Post # 11
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

 anonymoushippopotamus :  Before you confront your friend about the invitations, are you sure that there were other kids present who were the same age as your kids? (i.e., did they only send invites and make place cards for kids age 16 and over, or something?)

If there were other young kids, then I think the only reasoning is that your husband convinced his friend that your kids were so ill-behaved that they could not be invited. Maybe he even told them that they didn’t WANT to be invited, or that it would be easier for you to enjoy the wedding if the kids weren’t invited. I think the blame really falls on your husband, here, and I would approach the subject cautiously to find out the other family’s reasoning.

Post # 12
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

anonymoushippopotamus :  were your children the only 3 not invited out of the whole church?

Post # 13
Member
2921 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

anonymoushippopotamus :  At this point, I would probably wait until news of your separation and impending divorce reaches this couple, then say something like, “Yes, STB ex seemed to enjoy spreading untruths about my children, and I couldn’t tolerate that kind of disrespect. I’ll admit the fact that you invited his daughter but not my children to your daughter’s wedding made me suspect he’d done the same with you… was that the case?”

Post # 14
Member
10019 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Echoing everyone else.  Put your children ahead of everyone else, especially a jerk like him who is replaceable.  Your children are not.

Post # 15
Member
606 posts
Busy bee

anonymoushippopotamus :  I would leave. Eventually, if not already, your kids think your husband and his daughter are more important to you. Which we know isn’t true but his behaviour is making it look that way because I certainly hope you aren’t bad mouthing him to your kids.

Coming from a home where my step dad was abusive and my mom did nothing until I was 19 (they married when I was 8), everyday he abused me and my mom went to talk to him about it but there was no change or result….she chose him in my mind. Every year that went by she lost more of her relationship with me. I am now 29 and just starting to let her be around me more. Our entire relationship since adulthood is one way, her having to put in the effort. 

Please know that this can and will destroy your relationship with your kids and leaving him 10 years from now will not fix it, it will be too late at that point.

Having been there I can’t stand by and be silent because as much as I wish I was closer to my mom, she made her bed and I am making her lie in it, don’t you do the same.

 

Oops I see you already asked for a divorce. Yes talk to your friend after he has moved out!

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