(Closed) Feelings on the proposal?

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I told my DH what ring I wanted. He told me when he purchased it, when it arrived at our house, when he planned on proposing.

Despite all of this it was still very, very special and meaningful. I have no regrets.

It will only be weird if you allow it to be.  Set your expectations.

Post # 3
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I knew, but it was still special and so exciting.

Post # 4
951 posts
Busy bee

How will you not be surprised at all if you don’t know exactly when, exactly where, or exactly how? Is he telling you every single little thing about the proposal? Would you rather be surprised with an ugly ring? 😉

Post # 5
169 posts
Blushing bee

My husband and I picked out my ring together because he wanted me to have someting I loved.  He didn’t tell me when he had purchased it and didn’t propose for 6 months after our shopping trip.  Apparently he had purchased it the day after we picked everything out and hid it in our coat closet the entire time.  I was still surprised when he proposed and so excited to finally get the ring. 

Post # 6
94 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

We picked out my ring together about a month before I took my bar exam, and he didn’t propose until a little more than a month after the exam. I knew he wouldn’t propose before the exam, but I’ll admit to being super anxious about waiting after the exam. I thought it was coming twice before it actually did, but looking back, the wait really wasn’t terrible and knowing what my ring looked like did nothing to ruin the actual proposal. Plus, I hadn’t seen the whole ring put together, so it was still a surprise for the ring!

Post # 7
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I chose my ring myself and Fiance didnt tell me when he bought it but accidentally let slip that he had it about a month after he got it. I ended up finding it in his night stand while looking for his passport for him (terrible hiding spot!) and he was kinda just like “ah whatever” and had me try it on for all of 5 seconds just to make sure it definitely fit. Then he sat on it for like 5 months before actually proposing lol.

I STILL ended up being surprised! I may have known about the ring and knew that a proposal was coming, but not knowing when, where, or how it was going to happen kept it all very exciting. I wouldn’t worry too much about it! There’s so many other elements to be pleasantly surprised by besides just the ring and the concept of “he’s going to ask sometime/somwhere/somehow and I’m going to say yes regardless.” And I think everyone – whether they knew a proposal was coming or not – gets into this weird daze/shock as the “omg we’re engaged” part sinks in especially so that’s something to look forward to. 😉

Post # 8
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My Fiance had started asking me to send him pictures of rings that I liked, I really just wanted a simple solitaire so there wasn’t any customizing that needed to happen. As far as the proposal went, I definitely knew it was coming. We had a big date night planned with a hotel room and everything and I could just tell by the way he was acting that something was coming. It didn’t make it any less special though. He actually did it at the end of the night and by then I was like “Oh, maybe it’s not coming” and even texted my best friend a frowny face just to let her know we had been wrong. I turned around and he was on his knee with a ring out! It’s a super weird comparison but it’s like going to a haunted house lol just because you know that something is going to pop out at you any second doesn’t make it any less surprising/startling when it happens. 

Post # 9
1400 posts
Bumble bee

I personally don’t think proposals are supposed to be a surprise. Sure the exact details and the exact time and place can be surprising and special. But the fact that there is a proposal and the general time frame really shouldn’t. This is a huge step that affects both your lives. You should both know and approve of the general time and the fact that it’s happening before the actual proposal.

Knowing that you’re getting engaged won’t make being asked and promising to spend the rest of your life with the person  you love any less special.

Post # 10
212 posts
Helper bee

I didn’t know what my ring looked like at all, however, to be honest, I didn’t even look at the damn thing until he was slipping it onto my finger. I was too busy looking at him with a mixture of shock and love. I knew the proposal was coming, but hadn’t expected it then. So I honestly don’t think knowing what the ring looks like would have made the slightest bit of difference. 

Post # 11
2761 posts
Sugar bee

We used a family ring, so I knew exactly what it looked like. We had talked about marriage, finances, children, and all that, and decided on a time frame in which we planned to get engaged. I was still totally surprised and overwhelmed when he actually proposed. It had nothing to do with what the ring looked like and everything to do with the fact that my boyfriend was officially asking me to be his wife and share the rest of our lives. I had no idea how overcome I’d be, because we had talked about engagement plenty so it wasn’t strictly a surprise, but the actual moment of all those hypotheticals becoming real was what was so emotional for me. I think that my reaction would have been the same whether he’d asked with a surprise ring or without any ring at all. 

Post # 12
3089 posts
Sugar bee

To what extent is surprise actually important to you?  Do you genuinely want to be taken by surprise concerning a decision that will drastically change every aspect of the rest of your life?  Or do you feel like it’s “supposed” to be a surprise because that’s what Hollywood shows us in romantic comedies?

Post # 14
432 posts
Helper bee

Why is it important to be surprised?  I have never understood that.  Isn’t it special enough that the man you love wants to marry you and asks you to be his wife?

FWW, my fiance proposed without a ring.  We had talked about what we wanted for our marriage (marriage, not wedding!) many times before, and had been talking about it the morning he proposed, so it’s not like there was a huge surprise involved.  It still felt super special and exciting!  We picked out the ring together afterwards, mostly me doing research and picking my favorites, with him providing some input here and there.  We had setttled on a budget beforehand.

Post # 15
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

Wouldn’t you be more relaxed if you stopped focusing so minutely on “perfect”? I absolutely abhor the current fixation on the perfect courtship perfect proposal perfect engagement perfect wedding etcetcetcetcetcetc.

That’s a TON of pressure to be putting yourself through, not even considering what it is for your SO. Why not savor every second of the beginning of this beautiful new phase of your life, and focus wholeheartedly on that?

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