- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2017
So, I actually used to be very active on weddingbee, but after my wedding – I fell off. I love this community and truly missed it. I lost my credentials and figured it was time to start a new profile anyways. I have been married for a year and a couple months, and unfortunately I’m struggling.
To provide some back strory, DH and I (ages 25 & 24) have been married for one year and 2 months, and together for 5+ (no kids). DH is such a wonderful, kind, funny, handsome, and supportive partner to me. The issue is, I have been struggling with lack of strong feelings for years, now. I have a pit in my stomach even typing that, as I so wish it weren’t true. I have always been a fighter, and I know DH and I had something very special years ago. I have spent years trying to figure out how to feel attached and loving towards him. I have gone through years of counseling, couples counseling, (DH has been amazing through it all) praying, and soul searching. I am still left here, confused. I don’t want to feel this way. I want to overcome and have a successful marriage and feel love for my man as I should, but I’m worried It’s not in the cards for me with him.
For the first year of our relationship I did have those feelings and felt confident he was the man who would be my DH one day. One day, the feelings just all vanished and I was heartbroken..like I mean DEVASTATED. It didn’t make any sense to me and I was so angry this happened to me. It spun me into anxiety problems. I refused to give up on us, I was dedicated to coming back to what we had, but here we are and nothing really changed. I know love is a choice and a commitment, but shouldn’t I have some solid baseline feelings for him? Maybe my expectations of marraige are wrong?
I’m sad. I feel like an absolute failure and even a ‘faker’ in my marriage. I feel as if we are simply best friends. I sometimes wish I could just go back and call the engagement off, but obviusly I can’t. I’m lost. I don’t know what to do now. It breaks my hearts seeing my friends affectionate with their partners/boyfriends/DHs, and knowing in the pit of my stomach I don’t feel the same way. We haven’t been intimate in 2 months, as I don’t feel much attraction to him (even though he is a very handsome guy and we used to have a great sex life back in the day). It just doesn’t feel right. I feel tense even when he tries to cuddle, because I feel wrong. It makes me so sad. I wish I didn’t feel this way. The poor guy has been incredible to me, fighting for us, and understanding through all of this. He is convinced we will make it through it, and I’m hopeful he is right… but as you’ve read, I’m nervous it’s not looking good for us.
You may be asking “Why did you get married?” Because I loved him as a person and truly felt the feelings would come back. I believed love was a choice and that the more I lived it the more I would grow in love. I really wanted that. I was young, and looks like I may have been wrong. I really don’t know anymore. For that, I’m incredibly sorry. I feel terrible.
I would love support, opinions, questions, or any advice really. Thank you for reading.