(Closed) Feels like a bombshell…but I might be overreacting

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

There are plenty of GMAT practice tests, have him take one. That might settle both of your peace of mind on whether he will pass it. If he does weigh out the pros and cons together. Just because your BF changed he might not. But is it worth the time and expense? You need to weigh that out together.

Post # 3
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

OP, this is huge in the impact for you both. It is a decision that should be made as a couple, not him alone. I think talking it through with an independant third party would be very advisable so both of your concerns can be heard.

Post # 4
Member
10282 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

This is a big decision financially and just in terms of your general day-to-day so it is something you should talk over together. It’s not a decision he should make unilaterally. When my husband decides to go for a PhD we discussed every aspect of it and I was very involved in that decision as it impacts both of us, not just him.

So I think you need to have a real discussion about it. If he tries to blow you off by saying he will fail, call him on his bullshit. It’s not about whether or not he will fail, it’s about you being included in big decisions like this. 

However, I don’t think your concerns about your best friend are relevant here. I know several people with MBAs none had major personality changes while in thier program or are very self-absorbed/selfish individuals. It sucks that your friend changed but it doesn’t mean your fiancé would.

But you still need to talk to him about it.  Now is the time to learn that big decisions like this need to happen as a team when you are married. It seems like he doesn’t get that yet.

Post # 5
Member
79 posts
Worker bee

 To be honest, I think you’re overreacting a bit. Your friend came away from the program with a personality change, but we can’t assume it was 100% the result of her studies. Perhaps it was the people she met, perhaps that was who she was inside all along. I also feel that your Fiance plays a different role from a friend so you will likely interact with him far more and will keep each other grounded.

 

There must be some reason he wants to pursue this. I know you say the content is not much different, but how do you know this? Are there jobs or credentials he can earn only with his MBA, even if he already knows most of the knowledge?

 

In my opinion, if he thinks it is worth the effort and money (and it’s not like he’s investing in a pyramid scheme, here), I think you should support him. Put yourself in his shoes. If you wanted to make a choice to further your education for your career, and your FI told you it was a waste of time and money, how would you feel? Surely you would have done your research about it and would know what you were talking about. It would be even worse if a supporting reason was “one of my friends took those classes and now he’s a jerk.” I would feel a bit offended that my Fiance didn’t trust me to be perceptive enough or have the self-control to be a decent person just because of some college classes, personally.

 

Edit:  That isn’t to say you should just support 100% of his financial decisions without discussion. I think you two should discuss the value of this education and its costs before he goes ahead with it, as with any decisions, and perhaps it will not turn out to be worth it. But I think it should be an open discussion, ie not asserting that you think it is a waste/he won’t learn much until you know why he wants it, what value it has to him, likely future benefits, etc.

Post # 6
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’ll be completely honest — I feel like much more than half of Master’s degree’s aren’t worth the money.  It is one thing if it would help him get ahead in his job but it really doesn’t sound like it would.  Is this really worth tens of thousands of dollars?  Is this worth the stress of him not working, or working part time?  Is this worth moving for school?

It is time to talk through the pros and cons with him.  It sounds like there are a lot of cons here.

Post # 7
Member
554 posts
Busy bee

IMO this is NOT a decision you make as a couple. It is HIS decision and only his. It’s not like he’s deciding for both of you to move to another country, he makes a decision for himself and his future and education. Plus, you’re overreacting. Only because you know one person that changed because of her MBA doesn’t mean he will. I know plenty of people who’ve done an MBA and they haven’t changed a bit. Ultimately, you need to let him do whatever he decides. Be supportive. If in the end he decides to not do the MBA because you don’t want him to he’ll probably end up resenting you.

Post # 8
Member
10282 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
dalia88 :  I completely disagree. Choosing to get an MBA is going to impact both thier lives. It’s a huge financial and time commitment. If you want to make decisions like that on your own, don’t get married. And depending on the program he wants, it very well could mean moving. Maybe not internationally but that doesn’t mean a move in-country wouldn’t have a big impact on the OP. And being the sole or primary breadwinner can be very stressful. My husband’s PhD program meant moving to another state, him taking a huge pay cut, me having to quit my job, it effects our timeline for kids. So it was absolutely discussed with me because we are partners. Which means big decisions are discussed not just unilaterally decided on by one partner.

And maybe if he had discussed it with OP she would be more on board with it since she would have been able to voice her concerns and he could help address them. Maybe they could compromise on the timing – from what I hear most MBAs want you to have job experience anyway so putting it off a few years could be a good decision. They could work toward coming up with a plan that works for both of them. That’s what you do in a marriage.

Post # 9
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

I’m going to weigh in here as a financial professional with 8 years of working expierence and halfway through my Evening MBA.  You are not over reacting .

 

it sounds like he is very intelligent. Given he already has an undergrad, a masters in global business and a CPA I think that an MBA is a huge waste of money given his situation. 

Additionally, if he is a Mensa, I would put that in his resume for it will carry much more weight than an MBA ever would. He should focus on working, sounds like he will move up the ladder quickly. 

 

Id ask for specific reasons why he doesn’t feel his masters and cpa do not satisfy him. Ask him to show you jobs he is interested and see if they request an MBA. Ask for several examples. 

 

Furthermore, I’m not buying the whole “I don’t know if I will do well on the gmat”. If he is a Mensa, he will do just fine. 

 

Post # 10
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
dalia88 :  you have no idea what you are talking about. Quitting a job, starting a vigorous program, taking on debt are all substantial things that will affect their relationship.  How does he plan to support himself during? If he leans on her, that certainly affects her. If he takes out loans, that will affect their finances. 

Post # 11
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

Accountant here. I don’t know any jobs where his qualifications would need an MBA to help him get a job. An MBA would be a waste of money at this point INTO. 

It sounds to me like he’s not ready to be working full time. Some people love college and learning and pushing their knowledge, but don’t actually like doing a normal job, could this be the case? Otherwise, I don’t see a reason someone with that much schooling would feel the need to go back for yet another degree that would not help further his career.

Post # 12
Member
346 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

View original reply
bee1988canada :  I’m halfway through an evening MBA program, and while I’m sure he would do well on the GMAT, I am not sure it would be worth it. I’m in a Professional MBA program and most of the people in my cohort have 5 years of work experience, bare minimum. In my opinion, much of the value in an MBA is being able to apply the material to past or present work situation. 

If it were me, I would work few a whole first. 

Post # 14
Member
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

View original reply
dalia88 :  Did you not read this part “C) I would either be moving with him to a new place for 2 years or else living normal life without him for 2 years.”
You really don’t think that this is a decision a committed couple should make together? This part alone, even without the financial considerations makes it a ‘we’ decision, not a ‘me’ decision.

Post # 15
Member
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

The MBA needs to be agreed upon and talking it over with an independent person would be a good idea. You don’t want to end up with one person being resentful and angry. Him because he didn’t go and you because he did. 

The topic ‘Feels like a bombshell…but I might be overreacting’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors