(Closed) Feels like I am planning this whole thing alone

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How are you feeling about the whole wedding planning process?
    overwhelmed but happy : (16 votes)
    24 %
    overwhelmed and a bit lonely : (25 votes)
    37 %
    happy and excited : (12 votes)
    18 %
    happy and overwhelmed : (11 votes)
    16 %
    discouraged : (3 votes)
    4 %
    annoyed : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3429 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @TypeABride2013:  Aw sorry you feel this way.  I felt the same in the beginning also. Don’t worry though you will feel better as you go along. you always have us bees to cheer you up! You’re getting married YAY!!

    Post # 4
    Member
    714 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I just had a little meltdown about this last night… mostly just because I wish that we were still eloping, but now that we’ve invited our immediate family and best friends there are so many other pressures on me. Plus, now all of the sudden I’m also everyone’s travel agent. It’s stupid.  I guess you only get married once tho.

    Post # 5
    Member
    738 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @TypeABride2013:  I have had pretty much the same experience ๐Ÿ™ My mother and I have never really gotten along and wedding planning has just made that worse. It truly feels as though my Maid/Matron of Honor doesn’t care about much other than how she is going to look. I do have to say that as we get closer to the wedding ppl have become slightly more interested and involved, but still not what I was expecting. That’s the key word right there – expectation! We have this vision in our minds as to how our loved ones should be acting and when they don’t live up to that it’s hurtful. I had to completely readjust my expectations to get to a point where I was kind of ok with others lack of involvement. I just keep thinking that if I was my best friends Maid/Matron of Honor I would be so involved and helpful and excited for her! If my daughter was getting married I would be moving heaven and earth to make her feel loved and special! Ultimately no one cares about your wedding the way that you care about it. It will get better the closer you get, but yes it can be very isolating and lonely. *Hugs* 

    Post # 6
    Member
    3429 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @AllieBee12:  This will be my second marriage LOL! I am everyone’s travel agent as well. Instead of stressing myself out, I do what I can and let the rest be. I’m determined to remind myself that this too shall pass. hopefully sooner rather than later ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 7
    Member
    4702 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Who did you expect to plan your wedding? Actually though.

    I cannot even fathom why your giving into demands when they’re contradictory to what you envision for your wedding. Unless your mother is paying for it, then she needs to butt out and you need to stand up to her.

    As for your Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids, do you really think they care what flowers you have at your wedding?

    This post makes you sound selfish, you’re getting married and ticked off that people aren’t paying enough attention to you. Just because your fiance doesn’t care about small details, doesn’t mean other people who you are NOT marrying, have to pick up his slack.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1408 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    well the first problem is that youre not having your dream wedding. if you dream wedding is an elopement or something smaller you should say so. It is not worth feeling miserable at such a wonderful time in your life. This wedding shouldnt be for your family but for you and your Fiance. 

    I am not stressed about planning at all. i chose to keep it low key because that is what we are comfortable with. You have to speak your mind. :p 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @TypeABride2013:  you aren’t alone, I feel the same way. Most of our funding is coming from my Future Mother-In-Law, and since its awkward to ask her for money I always ask Fiance to do it…and it takes him WEEKS sometimes to ask one simple question. And it’s not always about money. It took me three weeks to get him to go pick out tuxes, if I send him an email about registry stuff he ignores it, it’s the worst. It’s very isolating, and I feel your pain. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    4524 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @TypeABride2013:  My mom *informed* me that SHE would be walking me down the aisle (my dad is deceased)…when I told her that my groom wants to do that, she pitched a fit, including the line your mom used about “taking this away” from her. 

     

    I’m very sorry you are bummed she isnt involved but, to be honest, after a comment like that telling YOU who will be walking you where at YOUR wedding, I’d be glad she’s not.  Try to embrace this as your project that, when it’s all done, you can stand proud and say “I did this ALL by myself.”

    Post # 11
    Member
    2533 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    You should have an option for “Overwhelmed and Cranky” ๐Ÿ˜›
    I’m happy, but I’ll be much happier when this is over haha!

    I hated wedding planning so much that I straight up STOPPED two months after I started. Fiance wasn’t helping me much at all at that point, and I got so upset, since he was the one who wanted a bigger wedding in the first place.
    I told my Fiance that I wanted to elope, and if he wanted a big (like 100 people) wedding, he would need to do the heavy lifting (book the venue, photographer, caterer, officiant, whatever we needed to make things work).
    So he did!
    It took a while for him to get the hang of things, but he’s doing SO WELL now that I’m just dazzled! He’s on top of everything and vendors really enjoy talking to him (after they are over the confusion of, this is the groom? Talking to me?)
    I get to plan the smaller details, like invitations, decorations, schedules, gifts, etc. It’s really a load off my shoulders, and the part of the planning I enjoy anyway.

    I wanted small private at first, too.
    Then we got engaged, Fiance accidentally (no, really!) rejected my dream wedding, and I started planning this big awful typical NJ banquet hall thing that I so didn’t want. Once I told him what had happened with my dream idea we comprimised – we’d shoot for 60-70 people in a small location.
    That didn’t work out (a barn venue we fell in love with tried to rip us off, really badly) SO, somehow we’re back at square one.
    I realized it would make HIM happy to have a bigger wedding so we’re probably going to try for about 100 people, and in a almost-but-not-quite banquet hall. I am not completely crazy about it but since I don’t want a wedding at all and it’s important to him, I am just fine with the way things are going right now.
    As long as he’s happy, and as long as we’re married by then end of it, I’m happy too.
    Back up plan? Semi-elope, drag some family and friends along. We won’t need it, but it was part of our comprimise (makes me laugh how ridiculous we can get with it)

    I may let me father walk me down the aisle. Maybe.
    My mom deserves it, and she earned it, but I am not really sure how important it is to my father (who really shouldn’t feel entitled to any of my attention). Since my father wasn’t the best parent one could ask for, I had never expected to have him walk me down the aisle.
    But honsetly that part isn’t really important to me so I’m not going to create too much drama about it. It’ll be over in two minutes and I’ll (hopefully) never have to do it again.
    My mom’s feelings are a bit hurt, but I haven’t made a final desicion on who I want to walk with yet. We’ll see.

    Post # 12
    Member
    458 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    @TwoStatesBride:  Thank goodness for your response.  I feel like it’s FI’s wedding too…so why am I doing all the work?  I asked him to book our hotel “soon” and when a week had passed, I quit waiting and did it myself.  Btw all while hearing 24/7 how bored he is.  Earlier today we were talking about scheduling engagement shots, and all he said was that it was tricky with work…when I asked for a strategy/suggestion…radio silence.  They think if they just ignore it it will sort out itself.  It won’t.  The bride ends up doing it.  And then they get upset that we are overwhelmed and emotional.

    Was your Fiance always like this or is it just wedding stuff?  How do you cope?  My friend had a good suggestion: agree on a timeline, and after the timeline, it’s a nagging free-for-all.  Haven’t tried that yet but I suspect it wouldn’t work too well.  ๐Ÿ™

    Post # 13
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @2BeeMrsE:  he’s like this about a lot of things. Hes a little too laid back and a pretty big procrastinator. I think this is a normal occurrence for couples though. I’m sure one of the reasons couples end up having struggles during their engagement has to do with wedding planning itself and people’s differences in planning styles. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. 

    When I express to him how stressed I am and how unhappy it’s making me (IN PERSON) he tends to do better, however briefly. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    2351 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Ur not alone in this, especially if u r among the last of ur friends and family to get married. Just know that some folks think u want to plan alone and may be trying purposely not to bother u or confuse u with their ideas or opinions. otherwise u will hear that ppl have the right to not get wrapped up in ur wedding because they have lives too. Just try to focus on the ppl who do seem to  be genuinely interested, and perhaps as ur day draws closer u will see increased interest.

    Post # 15
    Member
    4687 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

    @TypeABride2013:  Aww hun, I know how you feel! Wedding planning can be very isolating, isn’t it strange. I am very against asking people for help, which has just made things hard for me. But I don’t want anyone to be bothered by me :/

    Post # 16
    Member
    294 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    This is so how I feel.  <3<3

    The topic ‘Feels like I am planning this whole thing alone’ is closed to new replies.

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