(Closed) Feels like its all going wrong! guest list getting smaller and smaller.

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Even if not everybody can make it, you still have (enough) loved ones to celebrate with you. Try to focus on them. It may not be ideal but its still a happy occation, dont let the fact that a couple of guests can’t make it, take away from that.

Post # 3
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We’re also still waiting for our RSVPs to return. It is frustrating from a bride’s perspective that so many people are unsure, but I just remember what it’s like to be an invited wedding guest. It took time for me too to figure out whether or not I would be able to attend. There are so many variables; it doesn’t mean that these people don’t care about you. They just have other things going on in their lives. 

I worry about our final guestlist too, but I just feel that it will just all work out in the end. We’re getting married, and that’s what matters most.

Post # 4
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I can completely empathize with you. The last two weeks before my wedding I felt like everything was going wrong. We had some last minute cancellations including my aunt and uncle who decided that they needed to move his mom to a new place the day of the wedding. We also had a winter wedding and we found out the day before that a group of people wouldn’t be able to make it because of the weather. 

We were originally expecting about 65 people and had about 55. I was pretty bummed the week of the wedding because I felt like no one was going to be there. 

So, here’s my advice, focus on the people who will be there. And remember that this day is about you and your future spouse. No matter how many will or will not make it to the wedding, it will be a beautiful day. Enjoy the moments! 

Mrstobe26:  

Post # 5
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I’m sorry this is  happening, I can see how it would be very disappointing to feel like nobody could make it to the event you’ve spent much time and money planning. Look on th bright side: at least your guest list isn’t getting bigger and bigger. Lots of brides have people RSVP more people than they should, which is annoying. 

Post # 6
Member
663 posts
Busy bee

I know how you feel, but honestly your numbers aren’t looking bad at all. Mostly all of my extended family is from NM and we got married in NC. I gave everyone up to one year’s notice about the wedding and even had it on labor day weekend to allow more travel time for them. Out of the 75 relatives in NM 5 came, that was all. Even though my immediate family and I (all 8 of us) travel to be part of their weddings. I was surprised that my dad’s family whom I’m not as close to from CO all decided to drive across the country in their RVs to attend this wedding. Husband’s family was all from NC so they were all there too and we just invited more friends and family friends that lived nearby. My point is, people let you down, but it’s nothing personal, you can tell by the big reasons they are giving you about not attending. At the same token if you’ve already paid for 60 meals/favors/etc. then you can invite other people if you don’t want the money to go to waste. Good luck and don’t get discouraged. They still care about you and I’m sure they really do wish they could be there!

Post # 7
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Train station ceremony / Hilton reception

Mrstobe26:  If it makes you feel any better, we’re only having about 20-25 people.  And I’m still doing all this DIY stuff and buying an expensive dress and spending time fretting about my hair, makeup, centerpieces, invitations, music, food, etc.  Would I rather have a bit larger guest list?  Yes.  But it’s too expensive and we don’t have many friends or an enormous family.

 

 

I actually don’t know how people even have 50-people weddings, much less 100+, which seems to be the norm.

Post # 8
Member
1649 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If it makes you feel better we invited 100 and about 50 showed up. We have friends all over the country and a bunch had babies so for those not on the same coast the travel would be too much. Just focus on those who are coming! You’ll have a great time 

Post # 9
Member
587 posts
Busy bee

You need to drop the expectation that it will be the happiest day of your life. If you put pressure on your self expecting that it will be, unfortunately you may be disappointed! That’s kind of how I felt before my wedding, and I ended up being disappointed, cause a few things didn’t go to plan.  We invited about 100 to our wedding, and ended up with 68 guests. I actually think that it would have been even better if we had invited less! With only 68, I still had hardly any time to chat to many of them.

Think of your wedding day as the beginning of many more “best days of your life”.

Post # 10
Member
2358 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Mrstobe26:  That happened to us as well. Is it possible to add things on to meet the minimum even with the reduced number of guests? That’s what we were able to do.

 

EDIT: We invited 50, expected 40, got 27. It was a bummer but it was fun adding more stuff and we still had a great time with our guests.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  RenoSweeney24.
Post # 11
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

If there is anyone who has not responded by the RSVP deadline, give them a call and ask them if they are coming. I had a couple of people, including my own sister, who did not return the card. When I called, they said of course they were coming.<br /><br />

Now, I would suggest doing some research on small, intimate weddings if you have not already. They can be much nicer than the larger weddings, but generally they are run differently. For example, you do not need a DJ with a group that size. One of your friends can make the announcements.

 

Post # 15
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Without trying to be a downer, I notice your date is February. I got married in late Feb (despite what my weddingbee date says and I don’t know how to change it) and the weather ended up being an issue for those coming out of town. Some I think were just waiting for an excuse not to come anyway, but there were quite a lot who genuinely couldn’t get there. I mention it because if you’re already getting upset about flakers, then you need to prepare for that one if you live in a part of the world where there’s the potantial for bad weather in feb. You can’t let it upset you.

But honestly? Everything still went fine, it was just more “intimate” I suppose, it was mostly family, work colleagues and DH’s childhood friends as we got married in his hometown (which is where we live). If you’re getting married in either of your hometowns, family area or area you live now then the people local to there are the most likely to not pull out under any circumstance, hope that makes you feel better.

I was a bit bummed about some pictures as I wanted some big group shots, but it meant the photographer took some more interesting ones of just Darling Husband and me instead which were cool. There’s always a silver lining.

If you focus too much on guests you will end up heartbroken. Somebody is bound to be a let down and somebody else could show up and be a jerk on the day in some way. Don’t focus on them. Your day will go fine, you just need to focus on what goes right and the man you’re marrying. Things like your cake, dress, decor etc – that’ll all be there and how you want it. So you will still have your wedding regardless of what everyone else is doing.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  Tappity1.
  • This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by  Tappity1.

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