(Closed) Feels like my BMs don't like being part of the wedding party…

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

I don’t think you are being crazy and your friends should be happy for you! This is anexciting time for you and they should be excited for you! Unfortunately, I gave found that planning a wedding makes you realise who your real friends are, and who the people that really care about you are. Talk to your friends that are offering to help and let them. I bet they are really good people that don’t expect anything in return As for your friend that is making things about her – she is probably wishing she was getting married in 5 months rather than 5 years so give her a bit of a break and maybe see if she would be interested and doing some stuff with you that means she can get som ideas too. 

Big hugs anyway, hope things get better x

Post # 4
9674 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

Neither, the only thing that you can really be upset with them about is the dress email, because it is their dresses you were emailing about they should be replying. The rest no, yes it is annoying that a Bridesmaid or Best Man who is having a wedding in a few years is planning it now but so what? It doesn’t stop you from planning your day. And no they do not have to offer to help plan at all, it is your day, you and your Fiance should be planning it, and if other people offer to help that’s great, but if they don’t you can’t be angry at them about it. It is totally normal to be excited, but remember as you are the one getting married you are going to be the one really excited. They will be happy for you, but they are not required to get all excited over everything you tell them about (even though you have discussed very little with them) They will do the things they need to don’t worry! IE wear the dress, go to rehearsal, and be there to support you on your big day!

Post # 5
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Maybe these BMs (since you’re closer to them than the GMs gfs/wives) are just jealous that you are in a different life stage than them? It sucks but it happens. If you are seriously considering kicking them out, you need to have an end date if you will so you can make other arrangements. I’d contact them again individually and ask what’s up?

I too have a friend that’s been married for a few years, has a couple of kids, and has been NON-STOP planning her future wedding (she didn’t get one)…she’s asked her BMs already and now everyone is asking the date….but she hasn’t decided yet…she just says it will be at least 2 more years. So all she wants to do is talk about her wedding all the freaking time….frustrating as hell! Oh and she does have her dress, shoes, veil, accessories AND has picked out the BMs dresses but NO DATE! And told me she wants them to order their dresses NOW so she’s not as stressed!

Post # 6
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

They’re not late on buying the dress, so no need to add that to the list. To even think about kicking ppl out when nobody’s late in ordering shows you might be blowing things out of proportin and might be entering into some wedding hysteria.

in normal situations, I’d guess a bride will usually talk about her wedding way more than others.  So they could just be tired of hearing about it.  If you aren’t overtalking it, it sounds like there might be some issue. Not sure if you’ve become a bridezilla, they don’t like your Fiance, or what. 

Post # 7
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sucks they’re not super pumped for you, but the reality is that nobody is going to be as excited/care about your wedding as much as you and your Fiance are. There could be some envy in there as well.. but there could also be some hurt. Seeing you happy and moving on with your future might just remind them that they’re not (if that’s the case) which could be painful for them. 

It sucks but don’t let it get you down. Hound them about the dresses because you have to, but other than that, try not to look to them for your excitement/happiness. Your day is going to be awesome, so just try to focus on that 🙂

Post # 8
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@sanjessica:   the reality is that nobody is going to be as excited/care about your wedding as much as you and your Fiance are

Exactly this.

Post # 9
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wish I had some advice, but unfortunately I am in the same boat so learning how to deal with this myself.  But I was told – weddings bring out the good, bad and the ugly in people so you will definitely learn that.  ((hugs))

Post # 11
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

It looks like your maids are not into your wedding planning. I realize that it makes you sad, but you really have nothing to hold against them. They have the entire month to still order their dresses “on time” according to your deadline, and it’s not really their job to do DIY projects, so they probably assume that you have everything under control. Plus, they may not actually like your photos (which is fine. As long as you are happy with them, that is all that matters). I’m just trying to offer some alternatives to the narrative you are creating in your own head. Don’t think about what you would do as a maid. That’s not fair because they are not you. Accept them as they are, flaws and all. When you change your own thinking on the matter, and focus on appreciating the people in your life who are excited, you’ll be much happier. good luck! 

Post # 12
2902 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t get this. 

I have been Maid/Matron of Honor, Bridesmaid or Best Man etc quite a few times for my sister, best friend, cousins as well as some not so close friends. I have been receptive and excited for them every single time. I know they are excited and I’m excited for them. Sure some have been over the top but I never ignore them when they want my input. I really don’t understand some people. If you don’t want to be Bridesmaid or Best Man then DONT ACCEPT FFS. 

Post # 13
1468 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@roseyposey:  Not sure what’s going on with them, but the only item of concern is ordering the Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses.  Do you have other gfs who you can talk to about the occasional wedding stuff?  Though I assume you picked these girls because they are your closest gfs.  Honestly BMs aren’t expected to help with wedding planning like picking invitations.  They are just responsible for planning your bachelorette and/or bridal shower if they choose to throw you one. 

Also not to dwell on the potentially negative, but they might not like your Fiance and just never told you about it if they can’t seem to get excited about your wedding.  None of us like our one friend’s bf for various and valid reasons but we haven’t said anything because we want her to be happy.  Debating though whether to say something before an actual engagement is in the works, which at that point, it’s definitely too late to say anything.


Post # 14
216 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@roseyposey:  In a similar boat.. I think sometimes people are just focused on their own lives.  to be honest, I expected a little more from some of my friends too, but what can you do.  perhaps they cant be that excited because they have their own issues to deal with… 


Post # 15
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I was Maid/Matron of Honor twice. With my sister I was young, working two jobs and neither of us were involved in wedding planning before. She had a young child; I probably heled more with the baby than with the wedding.

With my best friend I was excited but I didn’t offer to help. I just helped when she asked. Well I offered showerhelp but her mom planned it. Oh, and in the middle of it I broke up with my bf and became so depressed. I wasn’t good for much.

Now that it’s my turn, I think my best friend cares more than I do sometimes. Half kidding, but she is pretty organized.

Some people just aren’t into weddings.

Post # 16
384 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I understand your situation and honestly had to look to verify that I didn’t post this! Haha you pretty much have the same exact situation as me, right down to sisterbeing Maid/Matron of Honor and only one ordering dress and Fiance wanting to kick Bridesmaid or Best Man out! So i feel your pain


Your BMs should be excited, granted not as much as you, but at least a little enthusiasm, or even FAKE IT u know?! I don’t even go to them anymore unless its Bridesmaid or Best Man related (i.e. lets discuss ur shoes etc). 2 of my Bridesmaid or Best Man aren’t even coming to my shower, and trust me, its not a legitimate excuse.

I hope your girls change they’re attitude and help you more! Good luck <3

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