Fellow Christians who didn’t wait

posted 5 years ago in Christian
Post # 31
Member
547 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: Backyard

RosaBride:  Not exactly. He was in sexual relationships in the past rather reluctantly and often expresses how much he prefers waiting. If I decided that I wanted us to have sex before we get married, I am confident that he would at the covert least want to explore my reasons very thoroughly rather than jumping at the chance. 

Post # 32
Member
876 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

jnd224:  interesting. I guess I just don’t understand this way of thinking. But I am happy you two are both on the same page. 🙂

Post # 33
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I’m Catholic and my fiance was the first guy I ever went all the way with. I’d been intimate with three other men prior to him but I lost my “technical” virginity to my future husband. I don’t regret anything concerning my sexual past but I am SOOO glad that I waited to do that one particular thing with someone that I knew was right for me. 

My basic attitude towards sex in general is this: God created us to be loving beings and one of the ways we express love is through the union of our bodies. So while I was okay with all the other partners I had becasue I was still in the process of discovering who I was as a sexual being and I wanted to give them a little bit of myself at a time, my fiance was ultimately the one I gave the best of my love to, because he proved to me that he was the one I was meant to be with.

Post # 34
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2016

KristenTN152:  A HUGE factor in mine and my SO decision for premarital sex is the same as yours. We have promised a life with each other, and have also made this promise to God. We are living a part until we marry in April, so we are having to wait, but honestly, if we were physically together I don’t think we would wait until our marriage date. I understand, and agree that premarital sex is wrong according to the word. However, I believe in the scripture stating for everyone to seek out their own salvation. So when I think of that, I interpret the scripture speaking of intimacy as a way to express love. I do not believe I will be going to hell because of my decision to have premarital sex as I also strongly believe in repentance. I do agree, though, that repentance when you are doing wrong is pointless. But I do not feel I am necessarily doing any wrong. I also believe that for both parties, abstaining from sex after already having sex with each other would lead to a real test for the relationship. I guess that would lead you both to see how serious you are about your walk with Christ and your role as a Christian. I also agree with another comment in this thread that God is more concerned with your holiness and probably faithfulness than your virginity. 

Post # 35
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

When exactly are you married in the eyes of God? When you go to the courthouse? When the officiant says you’re married at the ceremony? When you say yes to your FI’s proposal? The bible doesn’t say a marriage needs witnesses to be valid. I’m sorry, but biblical marriages started by a man taking a wife…they said they were married and went and consummated. There was no judge to sign the marriage certificate. FI and I have not waited until our public wedding night because we have already made a vow before God that we are committed as man and wife to one another. God’s law trumps mans’. So even though we will be legally married in August, we are already married in the eyes of God. This topic is up for debate of course, but I do not believe that God is more concerned with a piece of paper than the actual covenant between Him and a man and a woman. Those are really the only three participants in a true Christian marriage. The state is merely human logistics. 

Now, if you and your partner HAVE NOT made marriage vows before God, I do believe you are in fact committing fornication. There are tons of scriptures speaking against fornication…it’s not really even debatable. When I was fornicating, I totally knew it and felt guilty about it and repented profusely, as every Christian who desires to fulfill God’s will should. 

Post # 36
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Hi, 

I know this thread is old, but I just had to comment, as I know this is a big thing for Christian believers still. 

Although I know from the media that 80% of Christians in relationships are sleeping with each other prior to marriage, I’m still very surprised by the responses. I guess no wonder there is no difference between the outcomes of Christian marriages and non-Christian marriages.

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but please believe that there is no judgment intended at all; but sometimes I think as Christians our willingness to not offend makes us condone sin which is unhelpful to the person in the situation, as sin has consequences. Whether you love each other or not, sin is sin, and the consequences of still apply. 

The consequences of sin do not get suspended because two people love each other. 

God has a beautiful and perfect plan for each and every one of us, and the devil comes to steal, kill and destroy and keep us from the perfect plan and purposes of God for our lives. When we sow in lustful desires of the flesh we sow into the kingdome of this world, and cannot expect to reap full benefits of the kingdom of God. If I sow in my garden, I cannot reap in my neighbours garden, it just doesn’t work that way. God has promised you so much and compromising that (which is what sin is, a separation) is a huge sacrifice to make for any reason.

The bible says in Galatians 6:7-9 :-

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked [He will not allow Himself to be ridiculed, nor treated with contempt nor allow His precepts to be scornfully set aside]; for whatever a man sows, this and this only is what he will reap. For the one who sows to his flesh [his sinful capacity, his worldliness, his disgraceful impulses] will reap from the flesh ruin and destruction, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. Let us not grow weary or become discouraged in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap, if we do not give in.

 

Please ladies, let’s reject the lie of the devil that because you love each other it is not sin, or that you can handle the consequences, the devil doesn’t play fair. Sex is God’s idea, and was created for marriage where it is beautiful and blessed. Sex outside of marriage is not blessed; it is gratifying the flesh at the expense of the spirit as a believer. 

You say it’s hard, yes it could be, but it is not impossible. With the help of the Holy Spirit two of you waiting can be a beautiful and even exciting thing. Getting to know and love each other for who you are

Keep your heart and eyes on Jesus and not on your Fiance/ partner, and you will find that it is easier than you think.  

 

Me – fell in this area once but have repented and gotten up again with wisdom and the Holy Spirit as our enabler. 

Post # 37
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

I am a newborn christian, recently brought into faith about a year ago now! (i accepted Christ into my heart last Easter sunday) My FH has been born and raised as a Christian. Even without following christ, I liked the idea of waiting to have sex, I’m a very emotional human, and sex is incredibly intimate. Its something I want to share with only one other person. Unfortunately I had a very bad pornography addiction for a number of years, and after dating my FI for 2 years I had eventually pressured him into letting me see and touch him (we both still feel so guilty about something so small!!)

 

It hurts me when Christians say “you can’t _____ and be a Christian” just because I believe sex before marriage is a sin, doesn’t mean you can’t follow Christ. Even us Christians are full of sin, and that’s the beauty of being a Christian. Even though we are tainted and full of sin we still have hope and salvation.

I’ve got 1.5 months left before I’m married, and we will remain abstinent until then- and let me tell you, I can hardly wait!! Hahaha! It’s very hard, but definitely not impossible.

Post # 38
Member
7 posts
Newbee

iceetemp :  Thanks for sharing that. I love that you are both committed to purity, it must be somewhat easier when it’s both. My partner is a new Christian so the initiative (for lack of a better word) for purity rests mainly with me :-/. But there is grace enough. Hard(er) but not impossible!

Yes I totally agree with you about it not being right to say you can’t .. and still be a christian. We all sin and there is grace enough 100x over. However I do think to consciously live in sin and justify it is different from falling into sin, repenting, and turning towards Christ for wisdom and help. Having said that, I don’t think it’s a salvation issue, and being a Christian is based on salvation which is not received by what we did/ didn’t do so cannot be nullified by what we do/ don’t do. 

I think the main thing about living in sin, at least for me is that it robs you of God’s best for your life and invites all sorts of complications, it also robs of ones intimacy with God. 

Anyway, 1.5 months!! How exciting! Date for us TBD as new engagement; hoping for sooner rather than later ;-p hahaha

Post # 40
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

As a devout Catholic it was very important to both my husband and I to wait. I know it is difficult by I really would urge Christian couples to follow God’s teaching – or at least to try not to let outside acceptance and their natural attraction to lead them to sin when they have their whole lives together to come. 

Post # 41
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I know this is an older thread, but the most recent comment is a week ago, and this is something I’m kind of struggling with as a christian.

I turn 27 this month. I didn’t date for a long time, because of some personal reasons. I had my first kiss with a stranger at 26. I’m weird in that I’ll do my best to wait for something or be extremly good with a goal (such as saving money), and then just decide I’m done and go out and do something because I decide I’ve waited long enough. I’m impatient, and it’s something I’m working on. My bf and I waited for a long time (7 months – but especially long considering my age). I wanted to wait until marriage, but then I softened my stance and decided I wanted to wait until we were engaged. We spend a lot of alone time together, because he is kind of long distance, and we don’t get as much time together as I would like. He never pressured me, and even when I decided to lose my virginity, he made me wait and “cool down” a bit before he would engage in sex with me.

I’ve told him I don’t regret it, and I don’t think I do. Heck, we have sex regularly now, so it’s not like I’m being too remorseful about it. However, I still feel off about it. I think I’ll feel better once we’re officially engaged. But I kind of feel like a failure. I should have been stronger. I should be stronger now. I also worry about premarital counseling, and how that will go. Will the pastor ask us about that? Will he insist we stop? Will he deny us his blessing over this?

frown 

Post # 42
Member
7 posts
Newbee

knotyet :  

Hi Knotyet,

Thanks for sharing

What I would say is – do you know why you were pursuing purity in the first place? The ‘why’ is really important. If it’s to live up to what you think a Christian should do, it’s just not a good enough reason and there’s no power in it.

I think you should ask God for a greater revelation of what purity is, and seek His heart regarding that. It’s the Holy Spirit that gives the grace to live in purity, it’s not something you do in your strength/ willpower so stop beating yourself up

If it’s God’s will for you to marry you bf, you have your whole lives to have sex; why not spend the time you have now before getting married to know and understand each other better and build a foundation for a healthy marriage?

Sometimes it’s hard to comprehend this as the only model we have is the way the world does relationships, but there is another (a better) way.

I think you need to invite God afresh into your heart and seek His heart, then He will enable you to live the life that He has for you which is blessed beyond measure. God is interested in our relationships and wants to see them flourish, but we have to do it His way and not our way.

Wishing you the best with that

Post # 43
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

I am a christian and i was a sex addict, my late bf and i worshiped in one minstry and i tried to abstain but he made it hard every time i thought because i loved him maybe he will marry me if i continue to give it up but i was wrong.

 

a year later i met my FI and one night we went out with friend had a few drinks and my weakness gave in i felt horrible because i wanted to keep myself till we got married knowing i was a an addict

Ever since that night my FI proposed and planning our wedding and i became much stronger and never gave in to any temptation. it is hard but its worth it, My honest opinion is that I didnt want to continue destroying my body as the body is God’s temple and being married the bed is undefiled. The Bible does say flee from fornication. and the Bible also tells us if you burn (sexual feelings) get married God will honour you, i am not perfect and i know it is hard but pray about it.

Post # 44
Member
1752 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

We were intimate but waited 2 years before fully engaging in intercourse.  I knew he was the man I loved, and also knew that God knew it.  And, he’s the only man I’ve ever been intimate with, ever, and while it took us a long time to get married, I know God was there each step and stumble and knows all of the hows and whys, and that since he put us together, and guided us to marriage after all, He is a forgiving and understanding God.  

Post # 45
Member
518 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My FI and I are waiting…. neither of us is a virgin as this is not a first marriage for either of us.  He was recently born again.  365 days and COUNTING!..LOL

What is written below is what we believe to be true.  Each person must decide for themselves what is true and right for them.  After all – one of God’s greatest gifts to us is the gift of free will.

We believe that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.  It is us as a society who have changed.  

The longer we are together – the more that I know that I can trust him with the rest of my life in this area.  No – he is not perfect and neither am i, but we are not just doing this because we feel it is what God wants, but as a couple proving how committed we are to each other and the sanctity of our marriage. 

I have been cheated on as I am sure a lot of you Bee’s have been too.  It is a feeling that makes you question if anything else could hurt so badly.  I vowed to stay unmarried before I would be ‘unequally yoked’ with someone who did not believe as I did – that marriage is so precious and vows are not to be taken lightly.

Maybe I am wrong – but maybe you posted this because you are feeling the pull to stop instead of validation.  

KristenTN152 :  

Post # 46
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I go back and forth. This will probably come off as a cop out, but I’ve read studies and I personally believe that once you start having sex, it’s unhealthy for your relationship to stop. You’ve set up an expectation and intimacy that you’re suddenly withholding. I don’t think I would have waited until marriage regardless, but I am disappointed I didn’t wait until engagement. I just want to be sure that he is the only one I ever am intimate with. I think that’s my primary motivation. 

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