(Closed) Fellow introverts… How do you deal with the awkwardness in this situation?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wish I had some great advice for you but I don’t. I’m a big introvert and would just sit here quietly, maybe talking to my Mother-In-Law. I might try and make some small talk but if I got attitude from anyone I would just sit and smile.

This kind of stuff always comes up for me because my husbands family is super social and I never know anyone. If I’m not attached to his side I just try to act like I’m not super uncomfortable. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Okay.  So I hate socializing when I am not drinking.  I was at the rugby game the other week, and since I wasn’t drinking, I didn’t want to go to the social after the game.  I mentioned this to my friend, and she was like, “You just need to go.  It will be awkward, and it will not be fun, but then it will be okay.  And every time you do it, it’s like practice for the next time.”  So I went.  And it was awkward a little but it was also okay.

You just have to force yourself to talk to people.  And just accept that it’s awkward.

Post # 5
Member
2966 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@MrsNewDay: Fellow introvert here. 

I’ve been there! When FH and I first started dating, we went to multiple family get togethers (and family on his mom’s side is huge) and he introduced me to everyone and I said hello and then he just….left. 

He went to hang out with his cousins, making jokes, laughing, and just having a good time. Me? I sat on a chair in the corner staring at my phone & hating him with all my passion. 

Then I got up to get food because, seriously, I would not want to talk to me at that point. As soon as I turned my frown upside down and developed a more welcoming appearance, all of his aunts and uncles started talking to me. Where are you from, what do you do, where did you meet…blablablaaa. That was that. 

Ever since then (and it’s been 3 years since I met them) I kind of just come at the situation like I know everyone and they are all super friendly. 

The thing is that there is a fine line between trying too hard and being totally anti social. The best thing you can do is appear confident in your own skin (even if you’re not, which is totally ok btw) and also not needy for attention or trying to fit in. 

 

Great things happen when you open up and smile!

Good luck!!

 

Post # 6
Member
9667 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

I don’t have any good advice, I usually just cling to SO if it is his family or friends things. Or talk briefly to the people I do know and am comfortable with. If I don’t know anyone besides SO and he goes off for a few moments (he usually stays with me except for getting a drink or something) I stand awkwardly by myself.

Post # 7
Member
510 posts
Busy bee

Talk to the older ladies! Their conversation can surprise you and entertain you. Or if no one will really talk back, just listen. Sometimes listening to other families/groups of friends talk can be kind of like watching a gossipy talk show. That way you still show up and show that you care about the bride-to-be, but you shouldn’t feel obligated to force conversation with anyone.

(you could always throw back a couple of glasses of wine before you show up, too ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 8
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’d just wind up talking to the older ladies. Don’t know why, but that’s the situation I find myself in most of the time!
It’s better for me to talk to someone than to stand around by myself… I get too anxious and jittery if I let myself do that.

Post # 9
Member
322 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Restaurant

I am kind of introverted too, and I have to do a lot of family stuff for my SO.  I usually find someone else that looks awkward too (younger, my age or older, doesn’t matter) and strike up a conversation. 

It can also be fun to help out with the party, volunteer to do something (like games, clean up food, write down gifts, etc) which can keep you occupied. 

It also helps not to blame yourself in these types of situations.  Lots of people are awkward in crowds and don’t help you out with conversation.  And a lot of these family events can be super boring too (my friends and family are more fun and lively than the SO’s and we BOTH agree on that).  If I know I am trying and not being antisocial and I’m still not having fun, I chalk it up to the crowd and the party in general, not my personality.

Post # 10
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’ve just accepted that I’m introverted, and that that’s completely OK. I don’t stress about not coming across as awkward, don’t worry what to say to people or how to engage them.

It’s made me a lot more comfortable at social gatherings. If people chat to me, I have conversations with them, if they don’t – I just talk to my Fiance.

What has helped me do this is that the Fiance is perfectly fine with me clinging to him, because it means that I go with him to social gatherings. Howcome this isn’t an option for you? It’s his family after all.

Post # 11
Member
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sucks the girls were bitchy to you. If people my own age weren’t willing to chat with me, I’d move on to the next group of people to talk to.  I’d never just sit there silently – that would make me feel even more awkward!  Just ask people how they know the bride – that should spark up lots of conversation.  Learning small talk is an important life skill and the more you force yourself to do it, the better you get at it and the less awkward it FEELS (most of the awkwardness is something you FEEL as an introvert, not actual awkwardness from what you are doing/saying).  

The first wedding I went to with Darling Husband that was someone in his family, I just got up after a drink or two and started dancing with all his female cousins – we had a BLAST and it was a good way to break the ice for future gatherings.  I kind of became “one of them” when I took the initiative to do that.  

Sometimes you just have to put your big girl panties on and put yourself out there.  It’s honestly the only way to get over being a super introvert.

Post # 15
Member
629 posts
Busy bee

Unfortunately, I don’t have any real advice since I am the “cling to who I know” type. It’s actually the standard in SO’s mother’s side of the family, since they’re a fairly large family and can be intimidating, with only a few exceptions. I have found myself lately chatting more with one of his cousin’s GFs, since she’s also sort of introverted. On his other side, all of the females are mothers or grandmothers and tend to always talk about issues related to raising children, so I am pretty much forced to sit by myself if the men are in the other room praying (Orthodox family members).

If I were in your shoes though, I would probably just talk with the older women at the bridal showers, though.

Post # 16
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MrsNewDay:  Socially awkward introvert here.  I would have done exactly what you did: try to make small talk, and if they werent receptive, stop trying. I’m not going to be people to speak to me.

 

Went to a shower recently were there were lots of gals my own age and very few older women. The younger gals didnt want to talk to me, so I just socialized with the “adult” crowd ๐Ÿ™‚

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