(Closed) Fellow urban ladies– what IS an acceptable age to marry?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

citycruiser:  I don’t think you should worry.  If someone is going to judge you for getting engaged when you’re ready, that’s insane.  

I think you need to ask yourself – have you been dating long enough?  Do you know this guy as much as you would need to know him to trust yourself to spend the rest of your life with him?  I also think you two should discuss a timeline, if you haven’t – such as, how long would the engagement be?  When do you want to have kids?

Don’t worry.  Proceed when YOU are ready, not when other people are accepting.

Post # 3
6113 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

citycruiser:  I think that the most important thing is to care more about what is best for you and your relationship and less about what other people think. I get where you’re coming from – I’m from the south and all my friends got married in their very early 20’s. My DH is from up north and at 32, most of his friends are still not married (we got married at 27 & 30). It’s a totally different mindset. If you want to get married and feel you’re ready, you should do so. That would be silly to let other people’s opinions stop you from doing what makes you the most happy in life….it’s like saying the opinions of your coworkers are more important than those of your boyfriend.

Post # 4
1660 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I got engaged at 17 and live in a big city. It all depends on how you carry yourself. If you are mature and responsible I don’t think many people will chastise you for being engaged or married at a young age. Some people are cynical in saying the marriage won’t last and while it is true that a lot of young marriages end up that way, not all of them do, especially when the commitment is between two mature adults. 

I will probably get married at 21 (just legally, not a big wedding or anything) and so far the people who know haven’t said one thing about it. I’m mistaken for someone older most of the time anyways so I think it helps that I don’t look like an average 20 year old.

I’ve known my fiance well for eight years and have been with him for four years and we aren’t the typical “young couple”. We’ve faced many hardships and battles together and have come out strong afterward. If we hadn’t gone through much in our four years I would say marriage would be off the table until we had more time to grow up and deal with real life situations. But since we’ve been through it all marriage is just a natural step forward. 

I don’t think you’re too young at 24, as long as you (both) feel it’s right to get engaged or married. I hope you get a proposal soon! Best wishes!

Post # 5
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

citycruiser:  I live in LA. Got engaged at 25, married at 26, and no one said anything about my age.  My DH and I have been together for 5 years so maybe that’s why I never got side eyed about my age, but 26-28 seems pretty normal around here.

Post # 6
3034 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

whenever you feel ready!! I live in chicago burbs and I am the first out of my friends group to get married at age 26. My only other engaged friend will be tying the knot at 27. I feel like I am at a good age to get married.

Its really rare around here to get married before 25 but i certainly wouldn’t judge someone on getting engaged at 24. ( I did! I was 2 weeks shy of turning 25 ) 

Post # 7
444 posts
Helper bee

I live in the outer suburbs and personally I wouldn’t want to get engaged until 28, with the ideal age probably being around 30 or so. When I was in high school I did overhear a lot of the guys talking about marriage and children and saying they’d want to be married at 25, which I thought was bizarre, lol. If you’re really ready and you’ve been dating/living together a long time, then I suppose it doesn’t matter, but I’d personally want to wait at least a few more years because … why the rush? You’re so, so young and tbh, everyone I know that got engaged around your age ended up getting divorced a few years later. I really do think it has to do with age, because you grow so much in your 20’s and at that point, it seems unfair for you to have to make a decision as to how you’re going to spend the next 60 years!! Things change and people change, so I’d want to stay dating as long as possible, just to make sure that this your bf is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. That’s a big decision to make…

Post # 8
4042 posts
Honey bee

I live in a moderate sized city and got engaged at 24, married at 25 (DH was 27).  For my social circle, it was an average age. For my work place though, it was young (almost everyone else on my peer level at work was 29-30 when they got married). Most pelope thought “it was about time,” because we dated for 10 years, and I really never got any “too young” comments. 

Maturity is definitely a factor. I would out a stronger emphasis on the strength and maturity of the relationship, as well as the couple than age. 

Post # 9
2367 posts
Buzzing bee

citycruiser:  I live in New York City but grew up in rural midwest where everyone marries by 22. None of my friends here are married. One couple is engaged, we will probably be the first to get married, I’m 27 and he is about to turn 31. What’s right is about you, not where you live. You can always find a place where you’d fit in, and another where you’d be a freak. When you move around a lot you start to realize that. Make choices that are right for you, and then if you want to you can find a new place to call home if you want to fit in more. 

Post # 10
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think it’s more about when you’re ready, than how old you are..

Post # 11
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I live in a massive city and it’s definitely “odd” to get married before 30. I got married at 25, DH 28 and everyone thought we were crazy young. My DH has two sisters, 31 and 33, and neither are married yet! But really, I think 25ish is a good age. I personally wouldn’t have gotten married earlier than that and later might have been even better!

Post # 12
7871 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

citycruiser:  You get engaged and married when you’re ready. If people at work criticise you for getting  engaged at 24, they are idiots who don’t know how to mind their own business. Whatever happened to being supportive to people when they get engaged? Also, there’s something wrong if you’re afraid to get married because of what people at work will think.

It’s probably to do with me being a Christian, but plenty of city people I know marry in their early to mid 20s. So “all” really just means, “all in my social circle”.

Post # 13
7758 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

The general trend now is for people to get married later in life after establishing their careers, etc, but that doesn’t mean that people don’t still marry young. A lot of my friends are still single, which I think is more related to the rigor of our profession. But there are still people who marry as college or grad school sweethearts, and I think that’s lovely too. It doesn’t matter what other people think anyway.

Post # 14
4357 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 1997

Sure, the trend is to get married later, especially in more urban areas, but your post honestly sounds more like you making excuses why you should not be engaged to the man you are seeing. If you aren’t ready, then bravo to you for knowing yourself well enough to wait. But if you are not getting engaged simply because you are afraid of what others might say or think, then you probably ARE too young and immature to get married. Bottom line is that people should get married when they feel it is right for them, and based on their own timelines for the future.

It is also far more common for urban professional women not to have children, sometimes due to a choice not to and sometimes because they waited too long and missed their window. There are a lot of statistics that apply to urban vs rural groups of people, but you cannot live your life based on what other people do; you need to do what is right for YOU.

Post # 15
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think it’s more about maturity than age…being around other college students I’ve come to realize that plays a huge role.

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