Female asked to attend my fiance's bachelor party

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
7063 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

That’s hella cool that your bridal party and Best Man discussed the matter and decided it was wise to check in with you. Kuddos to them. That’s the best part of this whole story!

Post # 18
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

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janne91 :  I get it and I am kind of curious also. People are crazy, I mean the “surprise” could be anything from ” Congratulations!” to “I have always loved you, here is the hair doll made for you in college!!!!”

Not to derail this, but my fiance has an ex lover he only met up with twice who contacts him from time to time with stuff like “I want you to know I am pregnant and it could be yours!” when she hasn’t seen him in like two years or ” Hey, I am homeless, what’s your address now?” Crazy can be hilarious as long as it doesn’t know were you live.

Post # 19
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2018 - City, State

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pantsapocalypse :  

😬😬😬😬😬😬😬

wtf 

Post # 20
Member
6142 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

Yes, you’re overthinking this. She sounds clueless, some people dont understand social cues/etiquette. 

Post # 21
Member
662 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2019

It is weird and I would be suspicious of her and what her intentions are but it sounds like your fiancé friends have your back so I wouldn’t worry about it. Maybe have talk with your fiancé how your not cool with it and if she does somehow show up it’s handled and she doesn’t stick around. 

Post # 22
Member
1517 posts
Bumble bee

Could be that he has an undying love for your fiance and the suprise is showing up to the hotel in her lingerie 

Or could be that she was just thinking that she hasn’t seen james and the guys in a while so would be fun to show up. Without really thinking any further. I tend to think that majority of people are within appropriate and normal range and just sometimes doesn’t think. Especially if they think something would be fine to them if it was the other way around. My mom is a suprise person. I recently moved back to my hometown and she all the time thinks it would be fun not to tell someone I’m back and just show up with her as a suprise. And I try to tell her that people don’t really care or wouldn’t like it. So the suprise aspect can be just a personality trait.

Post # 23
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

My husband had someone like this in his life, she was his good friends little sister and she always considered herself as the “little sis” to all the boys when they were growing up in high school. She tried to hook up with every single one of them when she was younger as a way to claim them and feel centred with the older boys at school.

She ended up “surprising” my husbands friend as his bachelor party and it didnt go down well amougst the boys at all. We ALL heard about how she was there and she wouldnt say any more giving this air about it that she knew something. My husband was honest and said she was full of it and was there for like 15 minutes before she was sent on her way. This situation reminds me of her.

Not a threat, but she thinks she is.. 

Post # 24
Member
10634 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I have no problem with opposite sex friendships. Three of my closest friends are guys and we’ve been besties since the 7th grade so whenever they get married I would for sure be included in any bachelor party or things like that.

HOWEVER, your Fiance hasn’t seen this chick in years. It’s weird she came out of no where with this request and I tend to lean to agree maybe she has a little crush on him. 

Post # 25
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

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minimalistbeex :  your fiance’s friends are AWESOME for telling you about this. 

NOPE that would be a hard nope for me as well. If you haven’t met her in 5 years, and he hasn’t really seen her either, and has only mentioned her a handful of times I would cut her completely from attending your wedding. How did she find out she was going to be invited? Did your fiance tell her before you sent out save the dates? Weird… 

In light of her behavior I would not invite her to my wedding. Just not worth it. She clearly isn’t relevant anymore, and isn’t part of his friends circle. She saw the wedding invite as a way to come back into your fiance’s life as if it was some kind of big gesture from your fiance. Seeing as she handled your wedding invite by turning into a stalker I would cut the chord and keep it moving. Its not like she is going to be good friends with you after the wedding if she hasn’t been already. Her behavior indicates she thinks otherwise. Too bad she couldn’t see that boundary, but that little stunt gets her noped out of your lives forever in my opinion. 

Post # 26
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I’d say it depends on his reasoning for not seeing her in so long? Does she live in a different state? How much contact has he had with her over the phone or text or email in this time? 

I think that makes a difference. She may genuinely just want to see him and catch up. She may have alternative motives. I think the reason he hasn’t seen her for so long may hold some insight

Post # 27
Member
2383 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

She might want to hook up with one of the other guys who will be at the party, not your Fiance. Or more than one, she might want a threesome or a gang bang. I have heard of worse. 

Best she not come. Despite the new ways of things, most guys want their bachelor parties to be guys only.

Post # 28
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I would have thought that she meant to surprise him by coming.., not in a dirty or threatening way. But in a they are friends and she wanted to see him when she hadn’t sort of way. You’re uncomfortable and said no.

Not sure why you’d take it to the level of disinviting the guest? Doesn’t seem to warrant more action.

Post # 29
Member
890 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - Country/barn

I just find it odd that she has chosen his bachelor party as the best time to “surprise” him. 😏

Post # 30
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It’s a weird request but I wouldn’t read too much into it. I feel pre-wedding parties are trending towards being less gender-specific these days (like couple’s showers). My bachelorette and H’s bachelor party were actually both on the same night in the same city. The gals and guys did their own thing for a while, then we all met up at one of the bars, hung out for a while, then went our separate ways again. I really liked this because many of my good friends are guys and were at H’s party. Also, H and I only have brothers. So it was really nice to have some time to celebrate with ALL of my good friends and family.

Anyway, the point is maybe she asked on the off-chance it wasn’t 100% guys only or you’d have overlapping parties or something. I wouldn’t sress about it or uninvite her to the wedding.

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