Female friends too close

posted 2 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
8807 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

danaplease :  Yeah, not normal at all. Met 5 years ago and she’s his second mom? I’m not buying it. Maybe they’re not sleeping together, but it’s still not cool for him to spend this much time and energy on another woman and a couple of teenage girls.

Which is why he wouldn’t have gotten a second date from me, much less marriage. This was all well-established before you married him. He was doing this the whole time you were dating. Why did you think it would change? It doesn’t matter what anyone on the internet thinks, your husband has made his thoughts on the matter clear. You can live with it or you can leave. Or more likely, you’ll make a big stink and he’ll start being sneaky about it. What is definitely NOT going to happen is him putting aside this “friendship”.

Post # 3
Member
5321 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

So is this guy just your boyfriend and not your “hubby”?

Why did you even continue to peruse a relationship with him if you have such big issues that you weren’t compatible on?

I think it’s unfair to dictate to someone that they should alter a relationship that predates you in their life without a solid reason.

Clearly your fiance/ boyfriend/ whatever doesn’t feel the same as you so how is this going to move forward? 

Thia woman is single and lives with his two girls who are like 17-18 years old. My fiance says he sees them as sisters.

Who are these girls, her kids?

Post # 4
Member
8807 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

zzar45 :  Ohh, yes, I totally missed that. Thanks for highlighting.

 

danaplease :  If you marry him, he comes with an older woman and 2 teenage girls that he takes on trips to Paris. If you hate thinking about your future husband in that situation, then find a future husband who isn’t going to be in that situation. It’s that simple.

ETA: Also, if you want helpful advice you need to be clear about what your relationship is. If you aren’t married, don’t call him “hubby” to the internet strangers who you’re asking for advice.

Post # 5
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Ummm he met this family before you were in the picture. He looks at them like a mother figure and sister figure and you and you don’t like it. I don’t think you like the fact that she is 47. If she was 67 I am sure you wouldn’t have a issue with it. So basically you are jealous!!! You are o.k with him having female friends just not this family who he consider’s HIS FAMILY. But you think of them as friends. You feel weirded out when he is with the girls, not him. So you have the issue. He want’s to bring them to Paris to see parent’s and you have a problem with this? Are you kidding me. I definatly think you are over reacting, he thinks of them as FAMILY. 

Post # 6
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

danaplease :  

Ok first of all the two younger girls, how are they part of the picture? a 47 year old lives with two random 17 years old that are not family?? Very strange

Also why are you worried about two girls half his age and UNDERAGE… did he give you a reason to be umcomfortable or are you jealous of two underage girls.. neither of that is okay

Personally this all seems shady to me and the fact that you have kids is reason alone I would move on.. would not put my kids anywhere near a manwho may have these bizarre odd relationships with huge age swings

Post # 7
Member
3417 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

As PPs have said, this relationship was established before you, and you’ve had every opportunity to walk away if you were not comfortable with it. It’s clear that he is not going to end his friendship with them, and considering his family knows and likes them as well, you would have a hard time not being the bad guy if this trip ended up being cancelled at your request.

I’m not saying whether or not you should be okay with the relationship. Everyone has different boundaries. What I am saying is that he’s already decided, and made clear, that he is not going to change his relationship with that family for you, so you can accept it, or you can leave.

Post # 8
Member
8807 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

supertrooper0101 :  “the fact that you have kids is reason alone I would move on” — Yes, exactly. She calls him hubby and future-hubby, yet he obviously cares more about these other kids than his potential step-children. But yet if he invited OP’s kids to come along, that would not be better. He looks like a creep either way. 

danaplease :  Find someone who puts you and your children first. 

Post # 9
Member
1107 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

danaplease :  I feel like they are a complete family already. Have you, your kids and he visit his family together?

Post # 10
Member
474 posts
Helper bee

You can have non blood family. If they have been in his life since before you then boy friend or husband you can’t come in between them now unless they are taking substantial amount of time away from your relationship. It does not seem like they are and you are invited but can’t go. Also he is from Paris so taking them there to visit his family is not a big deal. If he was from where else and this was his first time in Paris and you wanted to go but could not then I could understand how you would feel jealous. They are visiting his parents, what could possibly happen. 

Post # 12
Member
6087 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Your post reminds me of a video I happened to see recently from a young woman living in France and dating a French guy. She said that the frequency (and intimacy) of the opposite sex relationships were challenging for her initially but that it’s something she has come to accept and understand better.

I can’t personally say that I would be comfortable, either, but I don’t think you get to dictate terms on this relationship he’s had since before he knew you.

Post # 13
Member
5321 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

danaplease :  But it hasn’t only become a thing in the past 2 months as you knew that they often took trips together before now.  This isn’t the first time so why is it surprising? 

He has knowed them for 4 years. I think its exagerated to call them ‘family’.

Why though? Being neighbours and friends for 4 years could absolutely feel like family, particularly as he has no other relatives to rely on.  The important thing is your boyfriend says he feels like they are family so why are you doubting it? 

Post # 14
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

danaplease :  He is your boyfriend of 1 year get over it. He has know them for almost 5 years. My comment hasn’t changed. So the girls were 12 and 15 come on!!!! And they are FAMILY to him not FRIENDS he has to you this, so listen to him. He isn’t even outcasting you. He has invited you along numerous times. Even on this vacation but because you can’t go that’s not his fault.

Post # 15
Member
629 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

My husband is very close with an older lady he sees as a second mother. They’re not related, but he absolutely dotes on her, sees her at least once a week. She has grandchildren who are currently ranging from early 20s-early 30s, some of whom are female and particularly beautiful. He’s known them since they were children, sees them as nieces and nephews. He’s taken them out without me numerous times, he’s taken a couple of the girls to London to a concert on a couple of occasions when their parents were unable to make it. There’s nothing sinister in it, they’re like family and it doesn’t bother me at all. 

I know from first hand experience that blood doesn’t always equal family. These people have been a major part of his life for longer than you have, I think you’re going to have to learn to accept them if your relationship is going to continue, because they sound very important to him.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors