Female Perspective Please- Engagement Stealing Spotlight?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
47445 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
socalwaves :  Your fiancee is a girl behaving badly. Her actions are immature, self-centered, self-entitled and don’t reflect well upon her at all. There is enough happiness in the world to be shared amongst everyone.

Post # 3
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Your fiancée cray.

 

Post # 4
Member
7815 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I made it about half way through your post. Your girlfriend is being ridiculous. Two months is a healthy margin between events. Geez. She wants a whole season? What happens when someone else gets married while she’s engaged or pregnant while she’s pregnant? The world does not stop because of one happy or one sad life event–she needs to learn to embrace every happy event that comes her way.

ETA: just read the rest and agree with TheGridMonster–she’s cray. ‘nuf said. 

Post # 5
Member
5160 posts
Bee Keeper

Think very, very seriously if you want to be married to this woman. She sounds incredibly spoiled and self centered. People who expect the spotlight to be on them at all times do not make good spouses. 

Post # 6
Member
2561 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

She’s 30! You need to have a serious talk with her. Maybe even rethink the engagement. She is being utterly selfish & ridiculous. So very unbecoming.

Post # 7
Member
3149 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

She is being absurd.

It’s ok to feel a bit sad that she has to share the spotlight, but that’s the kind of shit that as an adult you admit to your partner and then laguh about the fact that it’s stupid and move on…

My brother and his fiance got engaged about 6 months before my fiance and I, despite the fact that my fiance and I had been together far longer and that I had been anticipating an engagement for well over a year. He was concerned that it would upset me if they got engaged first so, like your brother, he asked me what I thought about it. I told him to go ahead with his own plans and actually used your dads exact words – don’t put your life on hold for anyone else.

Because they got engaged and set their wedding date before we got engaged, we are now pushing our wedding a year and a half further out than we would otherwise have done (a close friend of mine also got engaged around the same time they did and is marrying in a Destination Wedding the week before his too) and it kind of sucks, but I’m not mad about it. That’s just life!

Do I wish I was getting married next year instead of in 2021? YES. But I care a heck of a lot more about my relationship with my brother than I do about when we get married. As for sharing the spotlight? I actually am finding it a lot of fun to be able to gush about weddings with my Future Sister-In-Law.. when the four of us hang out, we get to all be excited about wedding stuff instead of one couple prattling on about wedding shit while the other one puts up with it lol

Post # 8
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

Not only am I a woman, I’m a stupidly emotional woman. So this point of view comes from a chick who is 26 years old, cries over *anything*, and empathizes easily even with a murderer!

Your fiance is being incredibly selfish, egotistical and quite frankly. Mean. She has ZERO rights to ask someone to hold off THEIR engagement because she wants to enjoy hers alone for a little longer. She has absolutely zero rights. 

Having a shitty childhood or family situation does not excuse people from shitty behavior.

The world doesn’t revolve around her, and for someone who apparently cares a lot about familial relationships, she is certainly not giving two fucks about how YOU will be affected and how your family will behave with you if your brother is barred from proposing because it’s almost two months after you proposed to your fiance. 

To be 100% honest? I’m the type of woman that would walk the fuck out of that relationship. If an engagement is making her THIS entitled with your behavior and your family’s business, imagine her as a wife? Thinking she has 100% every right to have your support her every dumb decision? No. Way.! 

RED FLAG ALERT!!!!

Post # 9
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2018 - City Hall

View original reply
sboom :  Totally off topic, but omg you’re so right. No one gets excited about your wedding plans more than another bride! <3 All my friends are all single for life, too young to care lol

Post # 10
Member
411 posts
Helper bee

I agree with all of the PPs that she is acting unreasonably and entitled. A bit of a fleeting bite of jealousy is one thing, but to carry this on so dramatically to the point where she now regrets your even getting engaged, is causing tension in your relationship with your brother (over her telling him how she feels then running off like a child when not getting the validation she wanted) and now wanting to cancel all holiday plans is way too extreme. 

Think long and hard about what your future will be like if you marry this woman and what kind of affect it may have on your relationship with your family. 

I am curious as to how she handles other major life events? If she bought a new car and then your dad bought a new car a month later would she hold a grudge for years and throw a temper tantrum. If she got a promotion at work and then found out a coworker got a similar promotion would she try to sabotage the coworker so that her own work shined more brightly?

Post # 11
Member
1858 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Having no family support growing up doesn’t entitle you to be a piece of shit later. 

She wishes you hadn’t proposed? Cool. Good opportunity to take the ring back and leave her selfish ass, I would never entertain this kind of fuckery in my relationship. 

Post # 12
Member
452 posts
Helper bee

I say dump her selfish ass. This is a 30 year old woman who is throwing a tantrum like a toddler because she can’t stand to not be the sole center of attention for months. I have no tolerance for that kind of bullshit behavior. This is a glimpse of her true self and how your future with her will be. Is that the kind of life you want? 

Post # 13
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee

Now would be a good time to run to avoid a lifetime of drama. 

Post # 14
Member
8255 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

She sounds like a brat. Please consider if you want to have every milestone in life look like this. 

Planning the wedding. 

Planning the honeymoon. 

Buying a house. 

Getting pregnant. 

Baby showers. 

Birthday parties. 

etc etc etc until you die. That sounds miserable. 

Post # 15
Member
13889 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your fiance is acting like a petulent child.  She is super selfish and immature.  If it were me, her actions would make me reconsider the engagement.  Next time she says something like “I wish you hadn’t proposed,” just ask for the ring back then and see how she reacts.

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