Female Perspective Please- Engagement Stealing Spotlight?

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 61
Member
1158 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

Awesome update! You seem to be a down-to-earth, kind, and fair person. It makes me happy that you are going to take the necessary measures to properly protect your emotional health and well-being. Best wishes to you!

Post # 63
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

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sboom :  No, I saw OP post the update earlier and reponded almost instantly, but his post disappeared after a few minutes

Post # 64
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

… reading thread

 

Post # 65
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

 … post dupe

Post # 66
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

She sounds very unstable. Two months is beyond plenty of time in between. It’s her future sister in law and not her actual sister. Even then it’s not like the world has a limited amount of love, joy, and celebration. I am seriously shocked at how dramatic she’s being. I wouod RUN before it’s too late. If you think your relationship can be salvaged I strongly suggest premarital counseling but I suggest you spend a lot of time thinking about her actions. People make mistakes but this is beyond uncalled for. She’s being so unreasonable and I’m afraid for you that this manipulation and drama (and possessiveness?!) will continue throughout your relationship and lives. I have a cousin getting married in March. I plan on June. And he has a cousin who might be getting married next summer too. I wouldn’t choose to do them closely together but at the same time you can’t put your life on hold. Nothing is promised. We could all be gone tomorrow and idk about you but I’d never want someone to miss out on the best day of their lives because I can’t be a grown adult and be happy for someone else. 

Post # 67
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Just read your update. I’m so relieved and thankful you’re taking some time to breathe and think this commitment through. Wishing you the best in whatever way that may look like!

Post # 68
Member
2414 posts
Buzzing bee

Missed your second post but hope you are seriously considering “For better, For worse” because, trust me, it’s easy for better to get better, but even easier for worse to become worst…….

 

Post # 69
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee

Wow nice!! Really glad you took all our advice seriously. Honestly very impressed that you are standing up for yourself. It’s the smartest choice here. You are doing the right thing by insisting on therapy for you and her separately. 

No one should have to spend their life with someone who can’t be a support and a joy to them. We should all be with someone who reacts to things with understanding, who gives people the benefit of the doubt and strives to better themselves. 

No one gets a pass to treat people in their lives like shit because they had past trauma. Especially when they haven’t sought treatment for that past. 

Good for you, please keep us updated on how it all goes, Happy everyone on here could help. 

 

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socalwaves :  

Post # 70
Member
1268 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

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socalwaves :  You’re handling this very level headed-ly (although I think I just made that word up, but you know what I mean).

I truly hope your talk went well and she was able to see the error of her thinking. Good luck!! 

Post # 71
Member
977 posts
Busy bee

She sounds ridiculously immature and really selfish. You sound awesome and genuine. Good luck to you. 

Post # 72
Member
1224 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

I just want to know if you made her wait until after your sister’s wedding before proposing.  Had she been waiting for a proposal for awhile or did the timing for engagement fall into place after the wedding?  Did she know you were waiting to propose after the wedding?

Post # 73
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

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PaperQueen :  i was wondering this as well

Post # 75
Member
260 posts
Helper bee

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socalwaves :  You get one day, not a season, not a year, not a month.  I can understand not wanting to get married within a week of each for logistics, but even then you don’t get to dictate what people do outside of your wedding.  Your Fiance is behaving like a total diva and frankly I’m surprised that you are putting up with it.  I would make the relationship contingent not only on the counseling you mentioned but also an immediate, sincere apology to you and never raising the matter again.  And then I would tell your brother to get engaged when he wants (if he knows anything about htis) and not to put off getting married on your account.  Joy is something that easily compounds, unlike sadness.  So the reason to be the “only”  center of attention is completely selfish and unacceptable.  

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