(Closed) Feminism and my Dad walking me down the aisle

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 31
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Hawksnest Cove Beach St John USVI

I haven’t read all the comments yet, but if you look at other wedding traditions such as bridesmaids which were to trick evil spirits away or something like that, no one thinks of that any more. 

Post # 32
Member
7903 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think you can keep some wedding traditions just for the sake of it and not because of its original intention.

We are having a minimalist wedding, but if we had a place in the ceremony for my dad to walk me down the aisle, I’d probably do it. He was integral to a particular ceremony during my schooling, and it’s just a nice opportunity to have a special moment together even though he’s not literally giving me away.

Post # 33
Member
431 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

i had my Mom walk me down the aisle and they never did ask the “who gives this woman”question…but I’ve seen some ceremony’s were they ask “who presents this woman”. 

By The Way, my mom told me she was not “giving me away” bit she was very happy to walk me down the aisle.

Post # 34
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

He can always walk you down the aisle without the “Who gives this woman to be wed?” part. He could just walk you to the end and then take his seat. Then you approach your groom by yourself. 

Post # 35
Member
510 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I think people keep using “feminism” wrong.

Post # 37
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I walked part of the way myself, and then my dad walked me the rest of the way. Then I hugged him & my mom, and my Darling Husband hugged them too. I love the pictures I have of it. And then they took their seats, and I took the last couple of steps to be in position, and that was that.

Some traditions have weird origins, but fuck it, if I liked them I used them. I also wanted a blusher and to have it down while I walked down the aisle. But then I lifted it myself, thank you very much.

Post # 38
Member
71 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think there’s nothing inherently anti-feminist about having your dad walk you down the aisle, and even if there was it’s your wedding and you should do what you want 🙂 I like other Bees’ suggestion to have your dad say you give yourself away to make it clear what your views are.

An alternative would be to do what my sister did at her wedding and have your dad walk down after the bridesmaids but before you as part of the bridal procession.

Post # 39
Member
239 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

 

winterxrose:  This is the same thing that we’re doing! (Not a Jewish ceremony though). Both of my fiances parents are walking him down, and both of mine are walking me down. We’re not doing the whole “Who gives this woman to this man” thing though.

I feel that this way, it’s more like our individual parents are supporting us in our union, rather than “giving away” me to my fiancé.

Post # 40
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Having your father walk you down the aisle may have symbolized the transfer of a woman as property from one man to another, but marriage used to literally be the transfer of a woman (or child) as property from one man to another.

Frankly if marriage can be redefined completely as a partnership we can embrace as feminists, I think it is your prerogative to redefine some of its traditions and symbols in ways that are meaningful for you.

Having each partner walked part way down the aisle by one or both parents, then taking the last few steps on their own sounds like a lovely way to acknowledge your parents’ support and your own free choice.    

  

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  .
Post # 41
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

kategf86:  You could have him walk you down the aisle still! Just change the context of the purpose.  Normally the officiant will ask who gives this woman to be married or what not but you could have him say something else. OR you could even just have him walk you down the aisle, shake hands with your Fiance and sit down.

 

Post # 42
Member
2514 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My belief is that my dad is an amazing man who loves me.  He has waited my whole life to escort me down the aisle on my wedding day.  Just like he walked me to s cool in kindergarten,  just like he walked beside to baseball tournaments, swim meets, and girl guides.  Just like he walked me to my first dorm room at university. I’m not about to take this walk away from him or deny myself the memory of him walking with me, to support me at this next stage in life.  He’s not giving me away.  I’m not property.  He’s doing what he’s done my whole life, supporting me in my dreams. 

Post # 43
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

sostobe:  I completely agree

Post # 44
Member
54 posts
Worker bee

This is called being a fanatic and taking your beliefs too far. This is the man who raised you, provided for you, and dedicated his entire life to your well being along with your mother but you don’t know if you should let him walk you down the aisle because you’re a ‘feminist’?! You can be a feminist and that’s a great thing but theres such a thing as taking it too far and become a fanatic

Post # 45
Member
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

sostobe:  very well said, and I totally agree. And for myself, if I were to take that away from him, he would be really hurt. 

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