(Closed) Feminism and my Dad walking me down the aisle

posted 5 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 46
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

 

kategf86:  I felt the same way!  So…the compromise was…dad walked me half way.  Dad kissed me, walked up to my groom, shook his hand and sat down.  My groom then met me in the middle and we walked up together. 🙂

Rather symbolic…I mean..dad raised me…I was single for a long while (got married at 36!)…then met my husband, and we are starting this life together. 🙂

Post # 47
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

GirlyGirl24:  Totally right!

 

OP, if you don’t want it to feel like he’s “giving you away,” why don’t you alter the part at the end? Instead of “handing you off” to your fiance in a transfer, maybe he walks with you and then right at the end you part ways, he goes to stand to the side, and you go up alone to meet your husband? Would that give you the best of both options?

Post # 48
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

A father walking a daughter down the aisle and giving her away doesn’t mean that he’s handing over his property. It shows that up until this point in his daughter’s life he has had the responsibility of caring for her, making sure she was safe and loved and had everything she needed. Now he’s handing that over to her husband. It’s now time for dad to step back and realize that the husband is the main guy and that he is now responsible for loving and caring for her through thick and thin. If he taught you to ride a bike, listened when you needed to talk, taught you valuable life lessons, fixed a booboo, put a roof over your head, etc. and is still on great terms with you, then he deserves this task on this day. It’s his last big fatherly duty.

And btw – This in no way enroaches on your feminist stance.

Post # 49
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee

We felt the same way, but I still wanted to acknowledge the importance of my parents so they both walked me down the aisle – one on either side of me. 

This way, the importance of my mom raising me as well wasn’t thrown aside. 

Post # 50
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

There is no one “feminism.” It essentially branches off into liberal feminism (which most people mean when they say “feminism”) and radical feminism. As far as radical feminism, you’re already “breaking the rules” by getting married, marriage itself designed as a patriarchal institution to transfer women from public property to private property, from father to husband, which isn’t to say radical feminists don’t get married as a matter of life in a non-radical world, but in theory, yes, that alone contradicts radical feminist philosophy. Like buddhism or marxism or any other -ism, there are standards that make it what it is. And then there’s liberal feminism… the “anything goes” feminism where the rules are made up and the points don’t matter and women can “break the rules” as long as they can justify it as “well I’m a woman and I’m making a decision, therefore I’m empowered and it’s feminist,” which is NOT to say that they are wrong in their decisions, only that it is not actually feminist, because feminism is a consistent philosophy with correlating life practices, as much as is possible. And to anyone who disagrees, I would ask how many cumulative minutes of their entire life they have spent studying actual written radical and liberal feminist philosophy and not just going off their personal experience and that one (liberal) women’s studies course they took in college. <br /><br />So as the others have said, either or both parents can walk you down the aisle, you can walk yourself, you can remove the “who gives this woman away?” and the part about the wife obeying the husband, but none of those questions have anything remotely to do with feminism.      

Post # 51
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

OP, I understand why you’re thinking hard about this.  An individual choice can aid a collective goal, and one can easily make the argument that modifying one’s individual preferences and making choices that are informed by a desire to send a message about a collective part of one’s identity could be justified.  One could argue that the ‘radical’ move of walking alone down the aisle demonstrates an understanding of marriage that could complicate the conception of the institution in ways favorable to feminist goals that may be important to you personally.  I mean, I dislike the aesthetics of “Ms.” and kind of personally prefer “Miss,” but I believe that my choice to go by “Ms.” instead of “Miss” creates unity with other women and sends an important message.  I could see myself making a similar calculation concerning walking alone down the aisle. 

Also, some of the people on this thread have absolutely no idea what genuine radical feminist positions look like and I find it hilarious. 

Post # 52
Member
1189 posts
Bumble bee

I think over time the idea of a father giving his daughter away as his property lost its original meaning and has just become a sweet tradition to honor the relationship between father and daughter. I’ve never looked at a dad walking his daughter down the aisle and thought “wow she’s so oppressed right now, she’s not property” I get that was its original intent but bridesmais and groomsman have pretty barbaric original purposes too if you research it. I totally get where you’re coming from though. Just follow your heart. 

Post # 53
Member
11520 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

kategf86:  My dad escorted me up the aisle and he shook DH’s hand but we skipped the whole who gives/who presents question as we didn’t like it for similar reasons.

Post # 54
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee

My dad walked me down the aisle but he didn’t give me away. Later, the parents were asked for their blessing – but we chose that as an option in the ceremony. No one has to give you away. My dad walked me down the aisle for tradition – same reason as why we did the Father Daughter dance.

Post # 55
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I had my dad escort me down the aisle but I never looked at it as him “giving me away”.  As an only child, I know it was something he was looking forward to, so I was doing it more for him than me.  Darling Husband also walked up the aisle and met us halfway, so I walked the rest of the way with him after he gave my dad a hug (they’re pretty close).

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where the officiant has asked “who gives this woman away”.  The officiant did not ask that during our ceremony.

Post # 56
Member
949 posts
Busy bee

kategf86:  I walked down the aisle with my father when I got married last month. Our ceremony doesn’t have a question of “who gives this woman”, so I saw it as a sign of my dad’s support at this milestone in my life. I’m a feminist, but a daddy’s girl as well, so while I could have walked down the aisle with my husband, I think it was something that my dad and I both wanted to do.

From a purely practical perspective, I was glad to  have his arm to hold as the combo of a long dress and heels isn’t something I’m used to 😀

Post # 57
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

I know that my father would like to walk me down the aisle, to have a part in the ceremony in that way. He knows I’m not his property. I know I’m not his property. No one thinks I am his property.

I’m a feminist, and I choose to let my father escort me to my husband, because it would make me happy, and him happy. That’s what feminism is about. Making decisions that make you happy.

Post # 58
Member
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh ffs it’s just a sweet tradition and  doesn’t  make you any less of a feminist if your dad gives you away. 

The topic ‘Feminism and my Dad walking me down the aisle’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors