Post # 1
I created my account pretty much just to get some feedback on this situation! I honestly don’t know what to do at this point and am at a total loss.
Basically, I have a childhood friend – we are not very close anymore, but I still wanted to invite her to the wedding, which also means inviting her husband. I also planned on inviting her mother, as I have known her for over half my life and she and my mom used to be friends and still get along.
Long story short – I have already asked them both for their addresses and they know it is for wedding-related stuff (save the dates, invitation, etc.) Therefore, just not sending them a save the date and invitation would be awkward and rude at this point. However…the mom and daughter/husband are in a huge family meltdown fight at the time. I will spare the details, but it involves court and legal custody of one of the other children, and it looks absolutely nightmareish.
I honesty do not know which side is telling the truth and have not asked for details. I think the truth lies somewhere in the middle between the two stories, as is usually the case, but I could be wrong. My question is…what do I do now? The last thing I want is to have a huge scene at the wedding, but I also don’t want to automatically assume that would happen and uninvite them. I can’t only invite one or the other without obviously taking sides. Help!
Post # 2
Honestly? I would just skip inviting all of them. You said yourself you’re not very close with her anymore, and I don’t even know why you would invite your childhood friend’s mother anyway. Even if you have known her for half your life, that seems bizarre to me!
Post # 3
I understand to some people it may seem odd, but we are having a large wedding and I don’t find it strange to invite someone I have known for over 15 years. She was basically a second mom to me at many points in my life.
Post # 4
It’s really none of your business. If you feel like you want both of them there (irrespective of the family feud), invite both of them. If they can’t be civil, then that’s on them, not you!!
Post # 5
I’d probably skip inviting all them like PP said you’re not close with the childhood friend anymore and it’d be weird to invite the mom and not your old friend. I disagree that it’d be weird to invite the mom (if you were still friends with the childhood friend and she were invited too). I’ve always grew close to my BFFs family/parents. Like all of them. Over the years I grew apart from the families when my life changed (and their lives changed. I.e bff got married and I was no longer invited to family functions the husband was, etc). I’m a big part of one of my BFFs lives. I’m her children’s godmother, we’re like sisters, so I naturally keep in contact with her mother. When I get married she and her husband will be invited.
Post # 6
Invite them both and sit them well apart. Warn each one that the other will be there but they won’t need to interact. If you feel it’s necessary, warn them each to stay away from each other and that your wedding is not the place to settle their differences.
This sort of thing comes up all the time when the parents of the bride (or groom) have been through a bitter divorce.
Post # 7
That sounds like the most doable and likely solution thus far! It’s hard because just because I am not especially close with this friend anymore, we were very good friends and I do still love her despite us growing apart, and I do love her mom as well. I honestly don’t know the real story so it has put me in a very difficult position. 🙁 Thank you!
Post # 8
You might be worrying too much. I was in this situation but I was one of the sides that were feuding. Me and the other girl were adults and were completley civil to one another. I would never ever bring my personal beef to someone else’s wedding. If you do invite them, and there is a scene I feel like it would be contained. I can’t envision them breaking out into a knock down drag out fight but I could be wrong.
Post # 9
The mom can be a little unpredictable…and when you add an open bar for 6+ hours…that’s really where my worrying starts to pick up, haha.
Post # 10
FWIW If I can’t stand to be at the same social function as someone else I’ll ask if they are coming and if they are I’ll decline the invite.
Post # 11
I would invite them all. You can place them at separate tables if you are worried they won’t behave at one together.
Post # 12
You don’t need to send STDs at all. You have up until you mail invitations to make a final decision. If you do decide to invite them both, just seat them separately, knowing that one or both may not attend at all if there is the risk the other will be there.
Post # 13
You don’t have to invite them. Just because you asked for their addresses does not mean you have to invite them.
The last thing on their minds is your wedding especially being caught up and distracted with their family drama.
I don’t agree with you or the other bee. Laying down the law and giving your guests rules of behavior and warnings of who will be there is a terrible thing to do to wedding guests. “Hi there! I know all about your family business and so Im just going to assume you’re going to act irrational and childish and ruin my wedding so please follow my rules.”
Dont invite them and quit thinking about it.
Post # 14
If I were deciding, I would not invite them at all, none of them. They aren’t close to me anymore so I would sidestep the hassle of maybe them putting on a floor show at my reception. And depending on chronological adults to behave properly is a fool’s guess.
It isn’t on you to judge who is telling the truth, it is their fight, not yours. If your friend asks why she didn’t get invited, you could tell her you forgot. Doesn’t matter. you just don’t have to deal with their family bullshit. If she presses for an explanation (which she knows darn well) say you didn’t want to get involved in family hassles.
And leave it at that.
Post # 15
Your wedding also isnt until dec, who knows what could happen by then.