Post # 1
Does anyone else have so few friends that it’s actually making the wedding process difficult? I am struggling to get bridesmaids together and it’s really really upsetting.
First, there are many reasons why I’ve struggled to have friends-mainly, depression in high school, moving to a new school in junior high (where they had known each other since Kindergarden,) and not engaging in the same activities many people my age do (such as partying or drinking-I’m a junior in college.) These are at least the main factors I think it’s due to.
So, because of this, I have had a really hard time picking bridesmaids. This is what I have so far:
Bridesmaid or Best Man #1: Sister
Junior Bridesmaid or Best Man: Little Sister
Bridesmaid or Best Man #2: College Friend
and that’s it…
I still need 2 more people.
I’m planning to ask my sister-in-law to be a bridesmaid soon and then I need a maid/matron of honor, which is another problem…
I have had some friends come and go but when I thought about choosing a maid/matron of honor, I wanted to choose my good friend since 3rd grade. Now, for the past 4 years, I haven’t seen this friend (but we’ve talked a lot on facebook) because she moved several hundred miles away and we didn’t have the resources to really visit each other. Now, she’s back in the same state as me and I’m dying to ask her. However, she has really been putting off meeting up with me. I just told her that I wanted to hang out with her and catch up and she said she wanted to as well but it’s just not happening. Now, she is really busy (helping her sister move, looking for a job, and she’s trying to get her life more stable) but I sent her an e-mail telling her that I felt like she was avoiding me (this had been after a month and a half of waiting to get together.) She assured me that she isn’t trying to avoid me and that her life is just crazy. (However, I feel like on facebook some of her comments look like she’s hanging out with other people…) She’s extremely blunt so I don’t know why she would be lying though. I feel like she would have just told me if she didn’t want to be friend anymore. So, basically, I just don’t know what to do. I really wanted to ask her in person and I want to get it done ASAP since my wedding is less than a year away. However, I don’t want to have to tell her I NEED to talk to you in like 2 weeks (or whatever time limit) because I don’t want to give it away and I don’t feel I should have to. So, basically, I’m scared that I won’t have a Maid of Honor and I have no one to replace her with. I seriously have very few friends and I don’t know what I’m going to do..
Is anyone else having this problem or something similar due to only having a few friends? I’m worried that I’m not going to get the wedding I’ve always wanted because I don’t have the friends I hoped I would at this time.
Post # 3
I am definitely having the same problem. FI does not like the uneven sides idea for the bridal party. He has his best man and 4 groomsmen. I have my Maid/Matron of Honor and 1 bridesmaid. I am thinking of asking my cousin that lives in Virginia. We used to be super close and kind of drifted apart but we a slowly getting closer again. I am at a loss too so you are not alone.
Post # 4
do you have to have 2 more it sounds like the ones you got now will be fine i’m only having 2 girls i’m like you i’m in college i don’t party and go wild but i’m happy with my choices
remember it’s quality not quanity that count!
Post # 5
Howdy- I know how you feel! Don’t feel bad, and don’t feel like you need 5 bridesmaids. What for? I wouldn’t ask the girl you’ve known forever if you haven’t actually seen her in a while. I’ve decided to ask a guy to be my “Ted of Honor” (sounds less like he’s gay than man of honor). You’ll figure it out. Don’t stress about the ladies. It’s your day, whether you have 3 girls or 5. It isn’t a bad idea to get the future SIL though. You’ll be seeing her for a long time! Good luck.
Post # 6
First off, I am so sorry you are going through this… some ideas…
– What if you made your siter your matron/maid of honor?
– You could then ask your friend to be your bridesmaid (that you are having a hard time getting a hold of) with a “will you be my bridesmaid” card… something you could mail. Then if your fears are correct and she “doesnt want to be friends” (doubtful) it is less awkward.
– Your wedding is far away! So, why don’t you focus on being positive and finding ways to meet some new friends! You could join a church or a club or something and maybe you can meet a girl or 2 that you could add in a few months! My wedding is 3 months away and I just added another bridesmaid… we have grown so close and she has been so helpful with the wedding it just made sense! She was so excited and I was thrilled!
Post # 7
Is your mom in the picture and do you have a good relationship? You could always ask her to be your Maid/Matron of Honor. I wish I thought of it earlier (for mine). I had a hard time picking mine too. I have a ton of people who are good for a drink and a fun time, but not a whole ton of people that I wanted to have such a special spot in my day.
Post # 8
I don’t have any suggestions but I understand where you are coming from.
I try not to let myself get depressed about it but I am not even having a “bridal party” really. Just my brother who will “give me away” and our kids who will have roles (7 year old flower girl, 12 year old ring bearer and 18 year old will play music)…
I am an older bride (late 30s), married before at age 25, split after 10 years together, met my Fiance almost 8 years ago, been together 7 years with “our” 3 kids. We are both introverts, we are both full time students. We are too busy with school and work and kids to nurture new friendships and my Fiance doesn’t have any ‘old’ friends since she moved to this state at age 16 and didn’t go to school here or anything and all her old friend were back in her home state and she didn’t keep in touch.
I have ONE friend I’ve had since jr. high, we are still friends but she is too flaky to be involved in any way with the wedding. I have another friend who is super busy. I have a third friend who has proven to be NOT a very good friend at all so that’s that for me! Fiance and I have one mutual guy friend and he might be coming to the wedding. My family is small and my mom is a crazy you know what.. my brother is the only one interested in our wedding. It’s all very small and makes me kind of sad but it is what it is. 🙁
So I am no help, but I can commiserate!
Post # 9
I don’t think it is wrong to have a few good friends. Fiance and I are probably going to end up with an unbalanced wedding party because of it also. I have my Maid/Matron of Honor who is my best friend in the world and 2 BMS who are my Future Sister-In-Law and FCIL who I have become close to. He has 2 more people than me, and while I would love a balanced wedding party I just don’t want people in my wedding who we (FI and I) aren’t close too. I completely understand your problem, but this is one of the biggest days of your life. You want it to be special and only special people should have the honor to stand up for you. Good luck.
Post # 10
honestly you dont HAVE to have more bridesmaids. our wedding party is uneven. i refuse to “find” people to add to my party just because FH has an army (he wanted 9 to my 4 – its now 7 to 5)
it will be just fine that way. i would rather have women i know and trust around me than relative strangers to just fill a dress.
Post # 11
I’ve actually gone back and forth about writing a post exactly like this. I’ve always been an introvert and while I get along with people, I’m a private person, and I’m awkward… and my fiance is my best friend. I always wish I had a stronger group of girl friends (and guy friends in general), but for the last 3 years I’ve been in law school, I haven’t particularly liked it or fit in, and so I only have two really good friends and a handful of others who are good enough to be invited.
My fiance on the other hand is charismatic, outgoing, charming, etc. He has a solid group of very close friends. Our wedding party is 5 each.
So far, mine is my 18-year old cousin, my 13-year old cousin, my future sister in law, and then… I was thinking my best friend in high school. We’ve kept in touch just barely these past 6 years. By that I mean we’ve e-mailed each other maybe once every 3 months. We fell out of touch for a long time and I started up an e-mail conversation last December. For the 5th Bridesmaid or Best Man I was thinking one of my good friends in college who I actually met over the internet originally, and we ended up going to college at the same time in the same city and becoming close friends. She is an introvert like me, and we function in very similar ways. My fiance says, “You guys are both weird enough in the same way that for some reason your friendship works really well even if you don’t talk very often.”
None of those people live near me. I though about making one of my local friends a Bridesmaid or Best Man. She is actually really experienced with supporting friends at weddings, but she has been in my life for a far shorter time than the others. Many times these past few months I’ve felt really lame. I feel like I’m inviting people I feel close to who don’t feel the same way in return. Some of the people I’m inviting, I wonder if they think I’m weird for considering them close enough to invite even though in their eyes we’re not actually that close. It’s kind of demoralizing.
And I’m in the same boat as you for the Maid/Matron of Honor stuff. I have no idea which one I should pick. I’m not closer to any one in particular. I thought about picking my Future Sister-In-Law because we get along, she’d probably make a good toast, and I probably interact with her currently more than anyone else in my party. As for my bachelorette party… my fiance is going to have a kick ass bachelor party and I’m afraid I’m not even going to have a bachelorette party at all.
So yeah. I can totally relate. :/