- 7 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
Hi everyone! This is my first post (been lurking quite a bit though) and I need to ask about a dilemma I am having. My Boyfriend or Best Friend bought a ring (one I picked out!!) and I think has asked my parents for my hand (he “disappeared” to my parents house for three hours on Friday on his own to “pick up a tool from your dad”). Anyways, I am so, SO excited for the prospect of marrying him except one thing– my Future Father-In-Law and FSMIL.
As a back story, his father treated him and his brothers like crap his entire life. He tried to reignite their relationship three years ago (before we met) and his father bought him a house to live in (he paid rent) while he was getting back on his feet from a divorce. At first his father was nice to me, as was his FSMIL although they were both, admittedly, rough around the edges. After I moved into the rental with my Boyfriend or Best Friend they both gave us their blessing, but I noticed that there was a weird relationship between my Boyfriend or Best Friend and his father. His father would call constantly and if no one was home to answer the phone, he would leave demeaning, rude, accusatory messages on the phone and claim he would disown my Boyfriend or Best Friend. He started accusing one of his other sons of stealing money and blamed my Boyfriend or Best Friend that his other son wasn’t talking to him because of the two of them.
Needless to say, after about 5 months they had a falling out, but we were still living in their rental place. I started handling his father and stepmother and fended off questions. When my bf tried to reconcile things at Christmas last year his father accused him of tresspassing and called the police to have him arrested.
A few months later when my FSMIL came to pick up rent money she (allegedly) assaulted me and threatened to kill me while my Future Father-In-Law watched. I ended up calling 911 and tried to press charges. My Future Father-In-Law is a former police officer and manipulated the system to blackmail me so that if I pressed charges they would press charges for theft under $5000 which could cause me to lose my job.
We moved out in 8 hours with a police escort and, needless to say, have not talked to them since. My Future Father-In-Law has tried to relay messages through his sons to tell my Boyfriend or Best Friend that he is crazy and I am a b**ch that is just out to get him, but my Boyfriend or Best Friend ignores it.
My question is this…. after all of this happened I told my bf that I would understand if he wanted to repair his relationship with his dad because, well, it’s his father! He said no, and did not want to ever see them again. This was almost a year ago now. We have been talking about wedding plans for a few months and have always avoided bringing up his father and stepmother. We are planning on having a very, very small wedding (less than 30 people) but I am afraid that my bf’s grandmother or other family might tell his father about our ceremony or reception.
Oh, the other issue is that if my Future Father-In-Law shows up I am afraid things might go bad. While this was all happening my sister was doing buisiness with his company and he ended up screwing her over on her legal issues on purpose to get to me and then claimed that the cost of the services were 10 times what she was quoted. My bf’s mother and brothers also do not want to see the man.
Any ideas or advice? I am so nervous about this that, even before an engagement, it is stressing me out beyond belief!