Post # 1
It’s rhetorical because there’s no way to please him so I don’t know what we’re going to do.
FFIL and FMIL divorced 20 years ago. 14 years ago she remarried to a man we’ll call Bill. FFIL is still not over it. FI’s brother and sister got married last year and FFIL left and disappeared during their wedding celebrations to go pout and then riddled them with nasty emails for about a month after the weddings guilting them about any time they talked or spent with FMIL and Bill. We expect the same.
Shocker of all shocks – FFIL ALSO fights with everyone in his own family and has even argued with FI’s friends about their “loyalty” to him. He get’s upset when anyone talks to Bill in front of him. It’s Grade A ridiculous.
Anyone else have to deal with a grown-up CHILD at your wedding? Where did you seat them and how did you do your best to ignore it and not let it bother you on your day?
Post # 3
Wow, sorry you have to deal with this on your big day! He sounds like hard work.
Pehaps he can sit outside… alone…. facing a corner? 😉
Seriously though, is there any way your FI could have a word to him and kindly ask who he might like to sit with and/or tell him that the way he acted at the previous wedding was embarrasing/rude and will not be tolerated at yours?
It’s true about not being able to choose your family huh!
Post # 4
@emerald_halo: Outside, alone, in a corner. It’s a winter wedding so it’s very tempting.
We can’t really reason with him and I’m sure he’ll be miffed if we put him at the table with my mom’s friends but as of now, he’s not enemies with any of them (though, give it some time.)
Post # 5
Put him with as much of his family as you can, as far away from FMIL as you can. And preferable near a door so he won’t get to make a scene when he leaves to pout!
Post # 6
@BrandNewBride: I would but he’s fighting with all of his own siblings (FI’s aunts and uncles)
We were just going to put my FBIL and FSIL and their SOs with him but then it would suck for them because it would mean another table would be broken up.
It really puts us in an annoying position – we either break up a really fun table (our table) to appease his baby-ass OR we just tough-love it and sit him with his own feuding family and watch the pouting/fighting begin.
Post # 7
- Wedding: February 2013 - Mansion House at the MD Zoo
We had a sort-of similar situation and sat my FIL with my parents. MIL and SFIL had their own table. It worked, and once dinner is over and everyone starts walking around and dancing he can go talk to (or pout or whatever) whomever he wants.
Post # 8
My parents are divorced and my father and SM are difficult to deal with too. We are putting the officiant and his wife at their table. Does your FFIL not have any siblings you can put with them.
Post # 9
Talk to his siblings and see how they feel about him being at their table. Is there anyone he gets along with? Does he have any friends invited? Who are your most patient or deaf relatives? in my family, we always put mean grandpa next to deaf grandpa and that worked out well since deaf grandpa couldn’t hear anything mean grandpa said.
Post # 10
Ugh that stinks. I like the idea of putting him with your parents, and possibly the officiant. It would be a place of “honor” for him, and he probably doesn’t know those people well enough to fight too fast.
Post # 11
A couple of things: first off, use tough love and sit him with his siblings.
Next: I recommend your DH sit down with him and say “Dad, I am not going to tolerate you going off in a corner to pout at my wedding like you did at my siblings weddings. I am also not going to tolerate you sending me scathing emails for weeks afterward because I spoke to Mom and Bill. We need to hash this out now. I want you there and you are important to me, but I will not tolerate the way you behaved at the other weddings.”
Then, call whatever bluff he comes up with.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this.
Post # 13
@skippydarling: Can you sit him with a mix of family and strangers?
Would it be possible for your FI to have a talk with him before the wedding? If it wouldn’t do any good, don’t bother. If he tries to bitch that you talked to your MIL or Bill after the wedding, tell him he’s being absurd and you won’t listen to you.
Post # 14
Maybe you could have him do a reading at the wedding… then his ego has some stroking before the reception. Then I’d sit him with his own family. They helped create the monster… and besides don’t you like your Mom’s friends why would you want to inflict him on them 😀