(Closed) FFIL gave away SO’s cat!

posted 6 years ago in Pets
Post # 3
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

@VickyAurea: I don’t think you can confront his dad about a cat. Maybe the cat died and he is trying to be aloof about it. Regardless, your SO left the cat years ago, if he loves them that much you should have them in your care. Lastly, I did not have a childhood pet so maybe I am not sensitive enough to this situation.

Post # 4
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Soladylike: I had the exact same thought about maybe the cat died and your SO’s father is just not great at dealing with death and didn’t want to tell your SO that his cat died under his father’s care.

Post # 5
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

“sent it to live with a family with a farm” or some variety of those words is a euphamism for “it died”

Post # 6
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I don’t think he can say anything now, as he essentially gave them up a few years ago. Unless he was sending a “cat support” check to cover food and vet costs, he gave them up and therefore didn’t have a say in their fate. Sucks, but that’s how it goes when you relinquish your animals to someone else’s care.

Post # 7
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

It doesn’t sound like they were really his cats anymore anyway. He left them with others.

Post # 9
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@VickyAurea: Well, on the upside, it isn’t really dead then! I would also be upset if someone gave away a pet I entrusted in their care. Dad could’ve at least warned/informed you two, and maybe you could’ve taken it in.

Post # 10
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think you should let this be between SO and his dad since it doesn’t involve you. If he is really upset about it, the two of them can have that conversation. 

Post # 12
Member
14496 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@msfahrenheit: agreed.

@VickyAurea: if your SO is bothered, *he* should talk to *his* dad about it.  Its not your cat, your father, or your home the cat is staying at now.

Post # 13
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You can’t expect someone who doesn’t like a particular cat to be be obligated to care for it.  It seems like mom cared for the cat once your SO left.  Any decisions to keep or not keep the cat(s) at that point were totally up to his father.  He made his decision – that he had every right to make.  There is nothing you can or should say.  The time for action would have been when mom passed away.  That is when your SO could have retrieved that cat(s).  It’s too late to do or say anything now.  

Post # 14
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I agree with other posters who say you should leave this to your SO and his father. 

I also think if you want any say in the remaining cat’s life, you should just take her and have her live with you. If you can’t house her, then she’s not your cat and that’s just how pet ownership works.  

Yes, I understand that he went to university, but that was his choice to live somewhere where he couldn’t bring the cat.  If he lived in a dorm or whatnot for a year or so, he could have gotten an apartment that allowed cats later on.  I don’t think it’s fair to leave a family pet behind and then get upset when it’s new owner (even if it’s his father) does what he wishes to the cat. 

Post # 15
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@bookworm88: +1

I’m sure Future Father-In-Law was also upset that he told you didn’t want the cat anymore, and you didn’t make changes immediately to take her in then.  I think it best to leave this one alone, beyond making plans to see your Future Father-In-Law more regularly.  But I also think the cat died – naturally or your Future Father-In-Law had her put to sleep.

I still called my dog “mine” but I understood that my parents were taking care of him and thus had the right to make decisions for him after I moved out.  (I also called him a puppy till he died, which I must say worried the vet when he was near the end of his life).  If they said they didn’t want him any longer, I’d have talked to them about concrete plans to get him, when my lease was up and I could move to a dog friendly place and made sure they were ok with the plan, not a vague plan after I saved enough to buy a house.

Post # 16
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I also think there’s something to be said in how long it was between when you had a vague plan of taking the cat and when it wasn’t around.  Normally when people start telling people “I don’t want this cat anymore” it doesn’t mean “I’ll keep this cat for another year”… it means “I’m ready to not take care of this animal ASAP.” 

If you can’t take the remaining cat, do you have a friend who can provide it a good home or even a transitional home until you can take her?  

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