(Closed) FFIL in Hospital

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Have the doctors decided what they are going to do for your FFIL?  I would wait to make a decision until then.  Talk to you Fiance and find out what is going on.  He needs you for support I’m sure. 

Post # 4
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Why won’t he tell you what’s up? Can you call FSIL? I think it’s really strange that he is leaving you out of the loop. I get not wanting to talk about it….but he’s your Fiance. Not your boyfriend or something.

As far as going, I agree that you should see what happened and make a decision from there. OBVIOUSLY if it’s a critical situation then you both need to go…IMO

Post # 6
Member
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.  My thoughts are with you and your FI’s family.  In my experience, my mom was by my dad’s side the entire time when his father (my grandfather) unexpectedly passed away.  And the same was true when my mom’s mother (my grandmother) passed away from cancer.  I unfortunately went to many funerals as a child and both my parents always went together.  Personally, if your husband decides to go to the funeral (if unfortunately that is the outcome), I would go with him.  I’m so sorry that you and you’re Fiance are going through this right now.

Post # 7
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think you should ask your Fiance.  Are you close to his parents?  If so, I think you should go if there is a funeral.  Is there a reason he doesn’t want to go tonight and say goodbye? 

Post # 8
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

That is really terrible. I think it depends on what your Fiance does.

To share a similar story, my FI’s grandfather died a year before we even got engaged but I tried my best to support him and even went to the hospital with him as often as allowable.

If he isn’t even planning on going (though I do think he might regret this, not saying goodbye and all that) then I would say as his fiancee it is your place to go with. You’re a social unit now, and will be part of this family very soon. As far as the funeral (if it gets to that point, as you expect it will) please tell me he isn’t thinking of skipping that too? Not that I know the family dynamics but that would be unforgivable to my mom if I didn’t even come home for my dad’s funeral.

Good luck and just be supportive. He’ll let you know what he needs, in his own ways.

Post # 9
Member
46376 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My thoughts are with you and your Fiance.

Family relationships are complicated and we all grow up witnessing different precedents.

My parents always attended funerals of their partner’s family-taking us children when we were old enough.

It would not occur to me not to go to my partner’s mom’s or dad’s funeral.

I hope he will attend the funeral if it comes to that. These are the events in life that we  later regret not attending .
 

Post # 11
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee

When one of SO’s good friends passed suddenly 2 years ago he did the same thing, curled up on the couch and didn’t want to talk. At the time I encouraged him to go out and see his friends. I wish I would have been a little more leanient. I think you should be patient and kind and let him know that you are hear for anything he needs you to be.

I’m surprised he doesn’t want to go see his dad but there are people who want to remember a person living rather than dead. I absolutely would go with him to the hospital, funeral, and any planning or family gatherings. You are his Fiance and you belong wherever he is.

Post # 12
Member
661 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

When the time comes, if your Fiance decides to go, I think you should go with him for support.  One, it’s a long drive.  He’ll be exhausted I’m sure.  Two, he may seem distant, but even just having you there will probably make him feel better.  I’m sorry you are having to go through this.  Many hugs.

Post # 13
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

If his dad is unresponsive, he may not want to see him like that.  Maybe he doesn’t want that to be the last memory of his father.  I would respect his wishes not to go now.  Just be prepared for the worst.  You don’t have to go back with him if he’s not comfortable with it.  Just be there for him.  You don’t have to know what to say, because nothing makes it feel better.  Just be a shoulder to lean on, and don’t force him to talk about until he’s ready.

Post # 14
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I understand why people are saying not to go, but I would get on the computer and book your fiance (and possibly yourself) a ticket home whether he wants it or not. If he’s close with his family he should be there with them. I’d force my husband onto a plane because I know he would regret it later on- but you really  have to gage who your fiance’s personality. If it’s not going to be a big deal not to be there, don’t.

Post # 15
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

@youhavemyheart:  I am so sorry you and your Fiance and his family are going through this.  My best suggestion to you is to follow FI’s lead.  Support him entirely and if he wants space, he will let you know by his words or actions.  Pay close attention to his behavior.  He may want you by his side for comfort all the while he is grieving and he may not be able to express that to you. 

If I was in your situation, I’d load up the car and leave now or I’d fly out first thing in the morning.  As someone in the medical field who cares for very ill patients, even if the doctor gives a prognosis of one night, it doesn’t always turn out that way.  I have seen doctors give families a matter of 24-48 hours only to witness my patient hold on tight for another week or so.  In fact, I’m experiencing it now with a patient who is fighting for dear life against all odds.  Again, I’m sorry you are going through this and my thoughts and prayers are with you. 

Post # 16
Member
1391 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am so sorry you guys are going through this 🙁 I am sending my prayers

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