- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
I am really struggling with this situation, and there isn’t much I can do about it. Just need to vent. My fiancee’s father is… how do I put this? Not someone I would ever chose to be around. He is an alcoholic, he is a drug addict, he is probably the most selfish, self-centered person I have ever met. He was abusive to her as a child, and even now that she is an adult, he can be verbally abusive at times. Just recently, she had to throw him out of the car while she was driving him somewhere, because of how angry he became after she told him she would not register and insure his new van for him, because he has a suspended license from a DUI and would most likely never pay the insurance. He was screaming, yelling, calling her things I won’t even type here. She threw him out of the car, and he left her a hundreded million (ok, thats an exageration) messages about what a terrible daughter she is, before finally calling her two weeks later and apologizing. Of course, she forgave him, because even after all of this, he is her dad, and she loves him. She has always struggled with telling him “no” about things, and worries all the time that he is going to die (from some type of alcohol or substance related issue) and the last interaction they had would have been a screaming match or her telling him no and him telling her she is a terrible daughter. So she has given in to him countless times. And forgiven him countless times. And when she doesn’t give in, she feels so guilty, and gets so anxious.
It kills me to see this relationship. It kills me to know how he has, and still does, treat her. It is so difficult for me to be around this man and not tell him what I really think of him. And he is going to walk her down the aisle. Not her step-dad, who is actually a caring, loving, supportive man,who loves her like his own daughter. She wants it to be her dad. She still has this part of her that is just hoping and waiting for him to finally step-up and act like a father. I am soooo terrified that he is going to disappoint her on our wedding day. He is going to show up drunk, or late, or create some big dramatic scene. I want to say that I hope he doesn’t show up, but I know that if he doesn’t, that will be all she is thinking about the whole day.
Her dad has made promises to give us money towards the wedding. Two days later, he calls and asks to borrow money, which he never pays back. He tells us one day that he is happy his daughter is happy and doesn’t care that she is marrying a woman. The next week, he is calling her a very nasty word referring to that. One day we go out to dinner and have a perfectly nice time, two weeks later he is making a scene and being loud with us in public. The man is so unpredictable. I don’t want him to ruin our wedding. I don’t want to ask her to cut him off. I just want him to behave, for one day, like a father.