(Closed) FFIL prayer before meal concern (LONG)

posted 3 years ago in Secular
Post # 2
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would tell him you are no longer doing the prayer. I know you said you don’t want to but I think it was a bad idea to ask him in the first place so I would tell him that given your prior conversation on the subject you will not be doing a prayer now.

Post # 3
425 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I would tell him that he is no longer welcome to speak at the wedding. I went to a wedding once where the priest said some similar things about marriage being between only a man and a woman and although I’m not sure if the bride and groom were aware he was going to say that or if they agree with it, since they did not say anything against it at the time I think they are hateful people and I no longer desire to be near them unless I’m forced. I am straight, so I imagine the relationship would be even more fractured if I were not.

Unless you want to lose your friends, stop your Future Father-In-Law from speaking.

Post # 4
3448 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

It may ruffle feathers and you and your Fiance may not be prepared to do that, but if I were in your position I would tell him we’d no longer need him to do the prayer. I wouldn’t trust him to not make that statement and I wouldn’t want any part of my wedding used for an opportunity for him to do so.

Post # 6
1631 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2016

I would tell him no prayer. You’ve gotten a preview already of what the prayer will be. There is no easy way to stop a prayer once he starts, so stop it now.

Post # 7
5161 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

If he insists, or you suspect he is going to do it anyway (which, honestly, I suggest you do go on this assumption), I would retract the offer of him to do a prayer. 

Post # 8
3450 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

Agree with tell him you’re no longer doing the prayer. I’d rather risk him being upset for awhile than risk offending numerous loved ones, especially over a belief you don’t share. FWIW your Future Mother-In-Law may not 100% agree with his beliefs either and it might be why she chose to quietly leave the room. If you still agree to let him do the prayer I’m almost certain he’ll disregard your request and include exactly what he wants so be prepared.

Post # 9
551 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Can you ask for his prayer to cover a blessing specific to your wedding, asking that God bless the union of you and your Fiance, but not to mention generalities such as their or your beliefs to whom a marriage should be between…
This can be hard as obviously you don’t want to upset anyone. 

Mini sermon might also concern you about the length that your Future Father-In-Law intends on making this prayer. You might have to ask for a preview of what he has and state concerns over length (perhaps mention the difficulty small children might have to sit through it/ hunger of guests)

Will he get a chance to speak again in the speeches? Does he want that opportunity?

Post # 10
9527 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If he cannot be respectful to all of the guests then nix the prayer. They say do not talk politics or religion this is why.

Post # 11
2143 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

underblueskies1016 :  yikes that’s tough! I would just try to have that conversation again and explicitly state that it is not to be included. If he can’t agree a 2nd time or is noncommital then you have a few options. Ask him to give a specific blessing (pre-selected passage or written for him), ask him for a copy of his speech, or ask him to not give one at all if you truly think this is going to be an issue. You need to think about what happens if he does end up going off script or against you wishes. Would you have your now Darling Husband gently interrupt and thank him to have him sit down? Would you or your Darling Husband give a second speech to counteract his? Good luck!

Post # 12
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

jackiebee :  This seems odd to me. While I see your point, you genuinely believe the bride and grrom should have stopped their ceremony to correct  the officiant, or interrupted him to editorialize? And since they failed to do that, you think less of them? wow. 


Post # 14
181 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

underblueskies1016 :  I would nix the prayer altogether, or ask another person to speak. One who reflected my views more clearly, and could speak words that were more palatable to my entire guest list. best wishes to you! 

Post # 15
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

🙁 I would absolutely bring it up and say once again that you really only intended it to be a small moment and short prayer and that you are not interested in political or social views being brought up under the guise of a prayer and ask him to respect that.  And if that doesn’t work for him, you’ll understand if you need to have your new husband (or someone else) do the prayer instead.

Unfortunately, they’re trying to turn this into using your wedding as a “testimony/witness/opportunity”. Especially since the ceremony itself isn’t as religious as they want. I would tell them you’d meant this as a way to incorporate that religious element but now this is turning into something more and exactly what you didn’t want and you really would love for it if they could understand your intention and respect that, too. Especially since you don’t agree with what he wants to say – it isn’t a prayer you would be praying along with them or be able to say “amen” to. 

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