(Closed) FFIL prayer before meal concern (LONG)

posted 4 years ago in Secular
Post # 16
Member
445 posts
Helper bee

Nix the prayer before dinner.  Ask him to read a specific passage during the ceremony, somethng that you pick out specifically for him to read.  Reciting “Love is patient, love is kind…” is a much nicer tone than sermons that will offend you and your guests.

Post # 18
Member
822 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

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underblueskies1016 :  I just spoke to DH to get his opinion –  Firstly, DH reckons your Future Father-In-Law will feel that since he has voiced it, that it is now his DUTY to include that sentence whatever anyone else says.

Secondly, DH said it might be worth warning him that Fiance will stand up in front of your guests to explain that those aren’t your beliefs as a couple. That way you can say to Future Father-In-Law: ‘do you want a public argument on our wedding day?’

Thirdly, I would retract the offer altogether if you have any doubts that he’ll even hint at those beliefs on the night. To me, I’d worry that he agrees to take out the sentence and then thinks he’s compromising by saying it in a less obvious way…

Personally, I would be furious if he pulled any of that stuff and it would spoil the night/memories for a lot of people….

Finally I just want to say that I really feel for you, you guys sound like a lovely couple.

Post # 19
Member
3440 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

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underblueskies1016 :  Ah, I see. Everyones entitled to their beliefs, no matter how distasteful I feel about them. Well in that case I wish you luck but I think its best to nix the prayer. 

Post # 20
Member
3324 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I would absolutely retract your offer. If I were a guest at your wedding and that was the prayer said before the meal id a) assume you knew/approved it and would b) be very offended and probably reconsider our friendship. Saying something like that comes across very hateful and would be really innappropriate I think.

“Thanks dad, but we are no longer doing a prayer before dinner. Oh geeze did you hear about Aunt cathys new cat? Like she needs another!” 

Post # 21
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would also start worrying how they will be around your non hetero friends. This is could be really awkward…

Post # 22
Member
1188 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

I second the bees who’ve said that if they attended a wedding where anyone announced that marriage is only between a man and a woman, they’d reconsider their friendship with the couple.

I would be appalled.

Post # 23
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

This sounds like something my father would try to pull. I’m sorry but at least he told you of his plans before the day. Imagine your horror had he said this for the first time during the prayer at the wedding??? I agree with some pp that you should give him a specific prayer to read or nix it all together. 

Post # 24
Member
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Is there any way you and your Fiance can do a toast or a little speech before your Future Father-In-Law speaks, saying ”thank you all for coming etc blah blah” and somehow encorporate your own beliefs into that speech, making it clear you believe a marriage is a union between any two people who love each other? Or ask your officiant to include that during the ceremony and to make it clear that you two believe that? That way if your Future Father-In-Law then says the opposite during his prayer he will just embarrass himself and everyone will know that’s not what you guys believe.. ?

Post # 25
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I would find a specific prayer or grace you would have him recite and give it to him on a cue card. The argument, “I’m going to pray what’s in bible” is ridiculous. It’s such a long book and it’s not like he’s going to come up and quote all the sexy bits from the Song of Solomon, right?

 

something like, “Lord, please bless this food to our use and the solemnity of the beautiful beginning my son and Blueskies have created together. May the abundance of this food mirror the abundance of their lives and love and ours as a community supporting them under you, o Lord. Amen.”

Post # 26
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee

Not to start any mess but your Future Mother-In-Law is probably the driving force behind all of it. You posted that rainbow thing on Fbook and she specifically requested you take HER SON out of the photo. Now they’d like to use this opportunity (in front of pretty much the same audience you have on Fbook) to make some proclamation about how THEY view gay marriage – which btw, is a weird as hell blessing for any type of dinner. In other words, “rainbow filter or not, we didn’t raise our boy that way”. At this point, I’d nix the prayer altogether. You can’t really risk that he won’t say it anyway.

Post # 27
Member
11533 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

What if, in this particular setting of your wedding, your Future Father-In-Law quoted Scripture regarding this topic but did not add his own comments to the Scripture? By doing this, he definitely would still be adhering to the clear Biblical definition of marriage without his appearing to some of your guests to be intentionally confrontational.

What I mean by this is that he could say, “God’s Word says that a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined unto his wife …” vs “marriage is only between a man and a woman.” They both make clear the Biblical definition of marriage, but the latter may be interpreted as your Father-In-Law making more of a political statement. 

Post # 28
Member
3212 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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Brielle :  these isn’t any point to that though, because it’s still going to set up OP and her FI’s backs. 

 

There is so much in the bible about love and community there is no need to bring up even that passage.

Post # 29
Member
210 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
underblueskies1016 :  Are you a member of a church? Could you invite a church leader as a guest and ask him/her to say the prayer?

That would be a way to include a prayer while also having some control over what is said.

Post # 30
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee

I’d tell him that you were no longer having a prayer. It seems that even if you tried to give specific instructions, he’d work it in there anyhow. 

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