(Closed) FFIL prayer before meal concern (LONG)

posted 4 years ago in Secular
Post # 31
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

My SO and I are not religious, but my mother is. To placate her I picked a scripture for her to read during the ceremony. Perhaps you can choose a specific prayer for him to read?

Post # 32
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

Tell him that you changed your minds and aren’t doing a prayer anymore. If he asks why, just say he wasn’t able to respect your wishes. I would be so uncomfortable having to listen to that as a guest at a wedding. Make sure your DJ and whoever else knows that he is not to get a mic.

Post # 33
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

We have religious families but had a non-religious wedding. We had someone read Songs of Solomon 2:10-17 and it was lovely. It was just a little Bible/religion tossed in to appease relatives who were already up in arms about me being married by a non-pastor (and a woman! the horror!)

Could you do something similar? Say that the timelines don’t work for a prayer before dinner, but say you want to honor the family’s beliefs so you’d like him to read some poetic bible verse. He can’t very well sneak extra sermonizing into a set bible reading.

Post # 34
Member
6240 posts
Bee Keeper

He’s ruined it for himself. 

Im sure a heartfelt gratitude blessing for the bounty we have (or similar) would be well received by most. 

We aren’t religious, as in we do not believe in a separate god-being nor one dogma of worship and religion better than another, but we had a spiritual element to our wedding with a humanist ceremony and on our menus we used one of my favourite poems…

I thank you God for most this amazing day and for everything 
which is natural, which is infinite, which is “yes”

e e Cummings 

 

maybe you could add something like this on your printed menus or on something at the venue to represent the faith within the family but nothing he can rant about  

 

 

 

Post # 35
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

At this point, I would be afraid that he will still stand up and speak, even if you try to nix the prayer. He might just stand up and make a “toast” with this message!

Worst case scenario, if I were you I would prepare a response that you could give directly after Future Father-In-Law says anything, if he brings up his narrowminded views. For example, be ready to stand up and say:

“Thank you for the love and support you’ve given Fiance over the years, Future Father-In-Law. We are so happy to be committing to our marriage today, and to be joining the diverse community of all people who find love with each other and choose to share their lives together.” 

Post # 36
Member
880 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
UK-bee :  I love that quote. Such an amazing poet! Thanks for sharing!

Post # 37
Member
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

You say that Future Father-In-Law walked away and nothing was resolved.

Nope, that was the resolution. He doesn’t care what you think and would willingly offend you and your friends on your wedding day. He’s obviously forfeited his right to speak. You should tell him as much and make sure the DJ knows not to give him the mike.

Post # 38
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Make it clear that if his prayer includes anything other than generic goodwill wishes, he will have the microphone removed from his hands. Do you have an MC or DOC? Can you put them in charge of cutting the sound if Future Father-In-Law goes into his anti-LGBT stuff?

If someone tried that at my wedding, in front of my gay sister and her girlfriend and FI’s gay best mate and his partner, I would not only be removing the microphone, I would make it clear to the rest of my guests that their views do not represent Fiance and I.

Post # 39
Member
655 posts
Busy bee

So sorry that you’re having to deal with that situation, but I also wanted to say that I respect the hell out of you for being so open and respectful to all views. It’s super admirable that you wanted to respect his religious views and include them (and him) in YOUR special day– but it’s even MORE impressive that you’re then willing to stand up to him and take that away in order to respect your friends, and uphold your own beliefs. I seriously wish there were more people like you 👏👏👏

Post # 40
Member
655 posts
Busy bee

Also– I second what others have said about making sure your dj or band knows not to give him the mic. I’m a musician and I play A LOT of weddings (like that’s my main gig), so just as an FYI, we love playing “mic police” and you can TOTALLY shift the blame/responsibility to us. Have a specific list of who is allowed to talk and who isn’t, and i promise on the day of, we can be firm without involving you. I have an awesome list of excuses I use to keep anyone and everyone from coming on stage and using our mics…and not one of them mentions “the bride said you’re not allowed”. You can totally just make the band/dj/mc aware and have them take care of it (if he tries to make a speech after you’ve kindly told him not to.) and then if he complains, say, “oh I’m sorry the band was so rude! I guess they’re protective of their equipment *shrug*”

Post # 41
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

View original reply
underblueskies1016 :  as others said I think its best he says nothing at all anymore. He clearly has his own ideas in mind and doesn’t respect what you want.

 

Im straight but if I went to a wedding where someone said “marriage between a man and woman only” that would really turn me off and if I was gay I would straight up leave that is beyond rude and awkward.

Post # 42
Member
4234 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
underblueskies1016 :  Personally, I don’t think he gets to speak anymore. If he can’t be trusted to get up and give a nice speech and not turn it into a platform for his closed-minded agenda, then that is his problem. I wouldn’t feel guilty, either. You were the one allowing him to say a prayer when it wasn’t something that felt natural to you and your Fiance, and he is the one who ruined it with trying to put in the “one man, one woman” part of it.

Frankly, if I attended a wedding and someone said that marriage is between one man and one woman, I’d probably get up and leave. I don’t care who you are, I do not have patience for the closed-minded bigotry. 

Post # 43
Member
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

my husband family is a different faith than mine so we did something that had a tiny bit of religion – maybe giving him the exact prayer to read would work? If you don’t think that he can keep to this then I would say scrap the whole idea

Wedding Prayer by Robert Louis Stevenson

Lord, behold our family here assembled.
We thank you for this place in which we dwell,
for the love that unites us,
for the peace accorded us this day,
for the hope with which we expect the morrow,
for the health, the work, the food,
and the bright skies that make our lives delightful;
for our friends in all parts of the earth.
Amen.

Post # 44
Member
1989 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d remind him what’s acceptable and what isn’t. I’d also have a little chat with the DJ about cutting his mic off if things start to go sour. I’d ask for a script of what he’s going to say and provide a copy to the DJ. If things start to go even a liiiiiitle off track, boom cut the mic. Blame it on a tech issue, but have everyone say AMEN and keep it moving.

Post # 45
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think if you can’t be certain that he won’t say something that will hurt or upset your gay friends then you should tell him you’ve decided not to have the prayer. I am sorry, this is such a tricky situation because this is bound to anger him. Get your Fiance to be the one to tell him, if you can.

So at my grandfather’s funeral my aunt made a speech and she mentioned that he was a very “scientific and non-sentimental person” and she disclosed that he was an athiest. The funeral was not at a church but rather a “funeral home” (not sure what they are called?). Anyway, the officiant proceeded to go off on a tangent about how everybody there should beleive otherwise they are going to hell (he didn’t directly say what he thought would be happening to my grandfather). The whole thing was really upsetting. Anyway, I suppose this isn’t really related to your question. I just thought of it and its a good example of how badly wrong things can go. 

The topic ‘FFIL prayer before meal concern (LONG)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors