(Closed) FFIL still sulking over so called ‘bad’ behaviour on holiday…what to do?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry you are going through all of this. Yeah, Scots are tight with money, but in no way does that mean that excuses FFIL’s behavoir. I think your Fiance should say something like “Dad, I know you were disappointed we weren’t able to party on XX day, but try putting yourself in (you)’s shoes. And I’m sorry I was so hungover that I was useless, that was wrong of me. Please stop bringing it up as you are upsetting my future wife”

Good luck! And continued good health to you!!! I know it’s rough after being through chemo, I’ve had family go through it. Your immune system is shot and it is not easy.

Post # 4
2742 posts
Sugar bee

Oh my! I feel so bad for you and what you are going through. I don’t know what to day. I would think they would have more compassion for someone who has a compromised immunity like you do but apparently not. There is nothing to be done for what has happened but you can continue to be nice to them. Hopefully they would realize at the grand age of 42, you will not be bullied. Let sleeping dogs lie and live your life to the fullest and don’t let them bother you. Good luck!

Post # 6
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010


As long as it’s not causing friction between you and Fiance, I say let Future Father-In-Law have his funk and just ignore him.  He sounds wretched.

Post # 7
2463 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

oh wow, that’s just ridiculous! as long as it doesn’t get between you and your fi, and your fi continues to stick up for you and your health, i just wouldn’t worry too much about appeasing your ffil. that’s just absurd that he’d hold this against you, you need to take care of your health first and foremost, because of course that isn’t just an “excuse.” ugh, that makes my blood boil for your sake! my mom is a cancer survivor and has residual health issues that can be really serious if she doesn’t take care of herself, so i understand how important that is!

Post # 8
305 posts
Helper bee

Wow.  Just wow.  First off, I hope you’re feeling better!  Given your medical history I just can’t imagine why anyone in their right mind would be mad at someone for not saying up all night and drinking.  I think your Fiance needs to man up and tell his father straight on that he’s a grown man and he doesn’t appreciate his father’s comments about his future wife.  Future Father-In-Law was annoyed; he expressed his opinion; and now it’s time to move on.  You did nothing wrong and I can’t imagine why he can’t just build a bridge and get over whatever imagined slight you caused him.

Maybe it’s time your Fiance and yourself distance yourself a bit from them?  If they can’t treat you two like the adults you both are, maybe they don’t need to see you both as much.  And if they ask why the distance?  Tell them.

Good luck!  And take care of yourself!

Post # 10
7403 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s his problem. Nothing you say is going to change his mind. This is a case that s should have already been resolved. So he’s holding on to a grude. Very immature of him. If anything needs to be said like the other bees said its up to your FH.

Post # 11
1037 posts
Bumble bee

Would just like to back up Scots here.  We’re not all tight with money and it’s unfair to lump us all in the same catagory.  Nor do we go about wearing kilts, chasing haggis up a mountain and have red, angry ruddy complextions to suit our moods 😀

That’s like saying all Americans are HUGE and eat their way through life, are bold, brash and need to be noticed all the time.

Anyway…not the issue but just wanted to back up my own 🙂

Post # 12
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would think if he is holding a grudge 6 months later, when it was the Uncle, not his party, then I would say it was not about not going, but something else. Are you in touch with the cousins that also didn’t go? Good luck and best of luck with your health. A little space might be good for everything, but if the Future Mother-In-Law is being nice then don’t let Future Father-In-Law get to you too much. Why not compromise and spend time with the Future Mother-In-Law, not the Future Father-In-Law, like a girls day?

Post # 13
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

for being a family that is “all about family” they sure dont treat each other like it. i’m sorry you have to deal with such nonsense especially coming from grown people.

Hope you get better soon!

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