(Closed) FFIL threatening to cancel our end-of-June wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Where is your fiance in all of this?!  He should be telling his parents that they don’t get to bully you and use the threat of cancelling the wedding to try to control you. If he doesn’t see something wrong with his father’s statements, you have some serious thinking to do about whether the man you’re marrying loves and respects you enough to stand up to his family when they’re in the wrong.

Post # 3
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

Are there reasons why they’re paying? It would be much easier to call the shots if they werent. What’s you Fiance doing throughout this? How do you feel about marrying into it? 

I dont don’t see the problem with a pre nup

Post # 5
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
sahar90:  What on Earth?? This is going to be harsh, but let them call off the wedding. If it’s this bad before, it’s only  going to get worse. 200 people and you only know a few? Your parents can’t make it, they disdain your backgroud, apparently you have to go across the country to live with them?

Don’t get on the plane, that’s my only suggestion. If your fiance truly wants to be with you, he’ll understand and you guys can do something later. I can’t believe he let it get this far out of control.

Post # 8
Member
1444 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
sahar90:  Unless your Fiance is onboard with their nonsense, I would say that you two should elope and make some serious plans to keep your household autonomous.

If he is onboard with them, then you might have some serious thinking to do about whether this is the life that you want. Don’t get married just for the sake of a wedding. Is this someone that you can envision being with for life?

Also **huge** are you literally going to live with his family? Like in their house? If that’s your plan I say it’s time to get a new plan. 

 

ETA: I just read your updates. He is not your Fiance, he is already your husband. Screw them (your in laws) and their party. Stay with your friends until your apartment is ready and if/when they realize that they aren’t running the show, they can try to make amends. If they don’t too bad, so sad. 

Post # 9
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
sahar90:  so, if you don’t want them controlling you and your husband what are you getting out of letting them control the purse strings by using you as props at a party for 200 of their friends? Let it be cancelled

Post # 11
Member
5362 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

What cultural background are your Father-In-Law from? I would call it off since you are already legally married. 

Post # 12
Member
2266 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

View original reply
sahar90:  Wait, you’re already married?

I’m confused. For starters, I would not accept money from someone who was discriminatory or xenophobic towards my parents. Money comes with strings, and I wouldn’t want to be indebted to someone like that.

You need to decline their money.

You definitely need to decline moving in with them.

Also, when someone else is paying, it seems a little strange to complain about a crappy venue and a mediocre photographer. If you want something different, pay for it and don’t take their money. Finally, your Future In-Laws are not wrong for refusing to allow you to stay in the house that they don’t live in. They own it and get to decide how it’s used!

Either way, your Father-In-Law sounds terrible and I would altogether decline.

 

Post # 13
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

View original reply
sahar90:  I’m so sorry that you are going through such a difficult situation.

So you and your ‘FI’ are already legally married, correct? I know that a religious ceremony, for many people, is more important than the civil one. However, given that you and your husband wish to follow a different faith tradition, it seems to me that you might be best off allowing them to cancel their wedding. But it seems like part of the problem is that you’re involved in running interference. If you are both going to live your own lives together, away from their control, your husband needs to stand up now.

Unless they are providing support – financial, housing, whatever – that is separate from the wedding, I’m all for team cancel the wedding, especially since you’re already married and want your own ceremony anyway. You’re already legally bound; plan your own religious ceremony to cement your union in the way that is most meaningful to you both.

Post # 14
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

There are too many issues for a marriage coming up, much less a wedding. Sorry bee, this doesn’t sound healthy for you in the long run. It should be called off.

Post # 15
Member
1744 posts
Bumble bee

Call his bluff.  Let him call off the wedding, and lose whatever money he’s already spent.   If you and your husband want a religious ceremony you plan it, pay for it, and invite those you want.   You and your husband need to put some boundaries in place. 

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