(Closed) FFIL told FMIL he no longer loves her..how would you react if your FI/H said it?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
7564 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it’s very easy to say you couldn’t share a house/room/bed with someone who told you that they didn’t love you, when you’re looking at someone else’s relationship; and it’s much more difficult when it’s your own relationship.  There are many couples who choose to stay together after the romantic love is gone; for some, it’s a matter of culture or religion not allowing a divorce. for some, it’ financial. Some people still genuinely have love for each other, but not romantic love, and want to continue to be partners. Maybe they feel they are too old to start over or too scared to be alone, or maybe they are satisfied with companionship.  Don’t judge. What you should be doing is giving your FIL’s the space they need to make decisions about their own relationship, and supporting whatever choices they make, even if you don’t understand them.  The only thing that would be appropriate would be for your fi to ask his mother to please not use his living situation as a factor in her decisions (or even better… he should move out…).

There are thousands and thousands of couples who stay married for decades despite not even really liking each other, let alone loving each other; because to them, divorce is an unforgivable sin, and I’m sure to them, your leaving your husband would be the real insanity. 

Post # 3
Member
5938 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

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Baal:  Relationships can be so complicated, who knows what’s really going on with them?? Me personally? No, I could not sleep next to him and I wouldn’t be cooking his dinners. But I can see why they’d stay in the same house, for now, for financial reasons.

Post # 4
Member
776 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Magnolia House

My mom told my dad after 34 years of marriage that she had love for him but couldn’t love him the way he desreved…also know as… she was cheating on him. She wanted a separation to work the feelings out but he said no, just leave. Now 7 years later she is kicking herself and desparately wants him back and he has moved on, its killing her. My boss and his wife have been together for 40+ years and he said they both have their “fun” but after that many years you don’t just leave someone.

I don’t know their situation but her not wanting to sell the house may be her attempt to hold onto it. I know a lot of people who bitch about their spouses and how they are going to leave them, but never do anything, and if the spouse even suggested a divorce they were offended. Some people just like to complain and stuff. 

I personally would be too hurt and probably wouldn’t stay although at 66 I can see it being very scary to be alone and start over. 

 

Post # 5
Member
3534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

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Baal:  every relationship has its own dynamic. My grandparents didnt share a bedroom for as long as I can remember. I wouldnt say they were “in love” but they loved each other in their own way. Sometimes when you have been with someone that long, you can’t imagine leaving even though you probably should. 

Me, however, he wouldn’t have gotten a chance to say it a second time. 

Post # 6
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

I feel bad for your Fiance that his mother told him this and involved him.. unless she planned to leave his dad and Fiance asked her why, I dont see why she would make him feel bad knowing that information.

I hate when my mom tries to explain to us why her and my dad got divorced (aka an excuse for her to bash him). I want to think of my parents by how they are as a parent, I dont need to know who did what wrong in the relationship.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by  ktsteimel.
Post # 7
Member
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

You’d be surprised by the number of people who live in denial. It might actually be keeping many marriages together. I’d imagine it’s tough work to stay honest and emotionally connected with another person for 40 plus years. Not advocating for it, but a little denial (aka rose colored glasses) has been shown to be helpful in keeping a marriage together.

I would stay way out of this and put away your judgement. You don’t even really know what Future Father-In-Law said to her. You know what she told her son he said to her. Marriage is a private thing between two people and no one on the outside ever really know what’s going on. 

Post # 9
Member
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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Baal:  yep,that’s how I read that which is why I pointed out no one knows what Future Father-In-Law actually said to her. 

Post # 10
Member
10217 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

 

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Baal: 

 I know your post  is ostensibly a hypothetical about how we would react if it was said to us (which is a huge question needing all sorts  of context to answer ) but really this seems to be all about your Future Father-In-Law and  FMIL’s relationship.   Frankly  , I’d  keep right  out of it , they sound like one of those long-married couples who bicker and  snipe and occasionally say things that seem    to us insupportable . Leave well alone  I reckon. . Non committal  replies and much  subject -changing  .

Post # 12
Member
7365 posts
Busy Beekeeper

She’s 66 and her life is about to change completely. Umm so yeah actually think her behavior is normal, she’s probably shell shocked. Give her minute to formulate a plan. Jeez

The topic ‘FFIL told FMIL he no longer loves her..how would you react if your FI/H said it?’ is closed to new replies.

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