(Closed) FFIL/FBIL problems

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We let Father-In-Law wear whatever he wanted which was a formal tux. Didn’t really go with what my husband was wearing but I didn’t care.

Also, why can’t your Future Brother-In-Law bring a guest?

 

Post # 4
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@leecy87:  It’s not uncommon for the FOB & FOG to wear something similiar to the groomsman.  I’d let your Future Father-In-Law wear the same thing if he wishes.  As for FBIL’s girlfriend, make your life easier, let him have her as a date, it’s a nice gesture.

Post # 6
Member
644 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@leecy87:  It’s your wedding but 55-60 people, though intimate, is not like a 10-15 person wedding.  Technically your Future Brother-In-Law should be able to bring a date if you want to be a gracious bride or follow “etiquette”

I think you should invite her. But it’s your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@leecy87:  Yeah…I still think she should be invited.

Post # 9
Member
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

My Father-In-Law wore the same as the groomsmen. He’s a grown man. I say let him wear what he wants as long as it is appropriate.

And usually etiquette says that you invite spouses and signifcant others if they are living together. Even if it wasn’t etiquette, I would say let FBIL’s new “woman” come along. I am confused about if they actually married because you call her wifey of 1 month, but then you say she ins’t his wife. Either way, if it were me I’d say she needs to be invited.

Post # 10
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

All of the weddings I have ever been to the FOB matches the ushers

Post # 12
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

As for Future Father-In-Law, I would lean towards agreeing with the other ladies. I had a friend whos Father-In-Law REFUSED to wear a tux. And her wedding was formal!

As for FBIL- hes not welcome to bring a guest to my wedding either… but thats a WHOLE different story. In your position I would pick the nephew over the new fling as well.

 

Good luck to you!

Post # 13
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Perhaps you should speak to your Future Brother-In-Law about the possibility that if you invite his “wifey” then his son may not be able to come. Pehraps your FBIL’s ex wife doesn’t feel comfortable with her son spending time with a woman his father has been involved with for only 4 weeks. I actually see that point as valid and think you should talk to him about that. I would approach it from this type of POV though, as opposed to the one where you just don’t like her and would rather invite a different family member. You’re probably not gonna get anywhere if you keep saying that.

As far as what your Future Father-In-Law wears, I think you should give it up. It doesn’t really matter, and he probably won’t be in many, if any, pictures with the bridal party. I don’t think anyone will even notice. It will look like he is just coordinated with the wedding colors or whatever. 

 

Post # 14
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Give Future Brother-In-Law a guest. It’s not worth it in the long term to create drama with the in laws. It’s not your business to judge their relationship.

Let Future Father-In-Law wear what he wants. You don’t have to have the groom and groomsmen in ties. A lot of dads end up dressed like themen in the bridal party. If he wants to wear a clown costume, he’s the one who will look silly, not you. 

Dont get started on the wrong foot with your husbands’s family. Having your way for one day isn’t worth having to deal with a lifetime of issues. These two things are really no big deal in the grand scheme of things. 

 

Saw your post about family before etiquette.  If your family is that important to you, have a bigger guest list and change your expectations about other elements of your wedding to adjust for the additional cost. 

Post # 15
Member
360 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

After your update about the child’s actual mother likely not allowing the boy to go away with her because she thinks wifey is bad for the child…I say do not invite her. Now I don’t know how old this kid is, but my parents divorced at age 10. I can tell you that if one of my parents moved onto a new person in just a few months, absolutely no way would I go somewhere with new woman, and I know for sure my mother would have not allowed me to either.  How disrespectful on HER part to think the time is right for her to be included in an “inner circle” gathering, especially one like a wedding where any kind of drama or uncomfortable feelings have no place. 

There is a time and place for everything, but a wedding is not one of them! I say stick to your guns.

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