(Closed) FFIL/FIL How do they influence your relationship with MIL?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Future Mother-In-Law is the worst & My Future Father-In-Law is the best. My Future Mother-In-Law is your typcial stereotypical Italian mother. And to make matters worse, my hubby to be is her only son! She has always been very cold since the day he introduced me to her. My Future Father-In-Law is the greatest. I simply love him. He always greets me with a hug & kiss & does the same when saying goodbye to me. He comes over to our (my & hubby to be’s) house every Saturday & Sunday morning around 8am & I make breakfast. I know this makes my Future Mother-In-Law jealous but oh well. She has been invited to come over for breakfast but doesn’t open her eyes until 10am. I have been dating my fiance for almost 4 years & do not see how such 2 different people can be married. My Future Mother-In-Law & I had one huge blow-out this past September about our wedding. My Future Mother-In-Law tried to tell me that I could not get married in Sept 2011 because her daughter who had just gotten engaged 2 days (before our argument) wanted a Sept 2011 wedding but I had been engaged for 2 months prior. For 3 years I held back my feelings about my Future Mother-In-Law & let her have it in a 1 minute rant. By the look on her face, she was surprised I fired back at her since I had always cowardly accepted her condescending remarks. As I figured, she told me everything was in my head & she never intended for her remarks to be offensive. Then contradicted herself by saying this as she left my house, “You know people admire me because I tell it like it is & speak my mind & don’t sensor my thoughts & feelings.” I wanted to slam the door on her fat Italian wide @ss. I called my fiancé balling my eyes out. He couldn’t talk about it because he was at work. Within 10 minutes, my Future Father-In-Law to be rang my door bell. He got a call from my fiancé that my Future Mother-In-Law (from hell) had upset me. It was a fresh of breath air talking about the problems I had with his wife to him. Him said his wife is very difficult. He then said, “My wife & love you. I asked him, “how can someone treat someone their son loves & they so-call love, so horribly?” He couldn’t give me a direct answer. He did say it was no one’s decision when to get married besides mine & his son’s. He said if his daughter wants a wedding in September & I want my wedding in September, then September will be a fun filled month. He was very consoling & told me when he saw my eyes filling up with tears, “Don’t cry. This is supposed to be the best time of you & my son’s life planning a wedding. Don’t let anyone take this joyful time from you.” I don’t know if my Future Mother-In-Law knows my Future Father-In-Law visited me after she left that day & it’s probably best she doesn’t. My Future Father-In-Law is a great person & I know I will always have a great relationship with him even if I don’t with his wife.

@JaneDomani:

Post # 4
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Both my ILs are pretty great and we have a good relationship.

However, my relationship with my Father-In-Law is definitely in a different realm altogether. We have a special relationship that’s really in it’s own category, I don’t know how to describe it. He’s just a really really great man. I think my father dying young also has something to do with it and they never had a daughter so I really am the daughter they never had to them.

My ILs always a united front. Whatever Mother-In-Law says, goes, whether Father-In-Law thinks she is right or wrong and you will never know if he thinks she is wrong because they support each others decision 110%.

My Father-In-Law and I danced the father/daughter dance together and it was a great moment. I think it meant the world to him that I asked him and to me as well. He was practicing dancing for it, he’s so sweet.

Post # 5
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I love both my Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law dearly!  ๐Ÿ™‚  I do spent time visiting with my Father-In-Law without my Mother-In-Law there, but that’s easy to do.  He’s on MSN, so we text each other at times and he’s an easy guy to chat with!  He takes an interest in a wide variety of things and has a fair bit in common with my dad.  

He’s an amazing guy!  One of the first things that struck me about him was that he had eyes that literally twinkled when he got a kick out of something.  ๐Ÿ™‚  He’s also got a smile that reaches all the way down to his toes.  I love that after 30+ years, he still likes to hold my MIL’s hand and have a tickle fight with her, etc.  ๐Ÿ™‚

As for whether he gets involved, he has to.  My Mother-In-Law and I can communicate fairly well, but she only speaks a very few words of English, and I speak about the same amount of Dutch!  My Father-In-Law or Darling Husband or BIL’s are almost always there and translating between the 2 of us.

Post # 6
Member
1636 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My father in law loved me.  He knew I made his son happy and that was good enough for him.  I miss him.  (passed away). 

My Mother-In-Law…  well, of course, I can do nothing right.  Even still.  but whatever… it is what it is.

Ronney

 

Post # 7
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have a good relationship with both. But Future Father-In-Law and I get along better than Future Mother-In-Law. I’m kind of a guy’s gal so to speak. I always seem to fit with dudes better. And Future Mother-In-Law can be a little…um… high strung sometimes.

Future Father-In-Law and I like to cut up and drink beer together.

Post # 8
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

DH’s parents are divorced, so they don’t ever see each other. I am all by my lonesome with the Mother-In-Law disagreements!

Post # 9
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Your Mother-In-Law sounds like a wretch. But count your blessings – you have one awesome Italian father-in-law!! What a great guy!

And power to you for giving it to her in 1-minute rant. I’d love to do that to my Mother-In-Law (but we’ve limited our engagement with her to the point that we’ll only see her at mutual events, like a 5 year old’s birthday party, where I obviously won’t give her what she deserves to hear)! If she’s the ‘stereotypical Italian Mother-In-Law,’ she won’t forgive you for it or forget, but who cares. After 4 years, she’s already made up her mind about you anyway.

And limit her interaction with your [future] children! She sounds too self-entitled and passive-aggressive to be a positive influence!

Post # 10
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

I have an issue with both my IL’s. When I have a problem with one, I have a problems with the other.

Post # 11
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I am sorry to hear about your troubles with Future Mother-In-Law. Not cool – but her husband sounds delightful ๐Ÿ™‚

I am closer to my Future Mother-In-Law than Future Father-In-Law, but they are both quite lovely to me. Future Father-In-Law treats me like a daughter (they have three sons) – especially since my own father lives far away from me and I only see him 2-3 times a year. He always tells my dad that they are taking good care of me for him.

Post # 12
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

 

I’m different because most of my problems have been with Future Father-In-Law, not Future Mother-In-Law. 

Future Father-In-Law doesn’t like me because:

1) I’m divorced

2) I’m bipolar

3) I had a completely different upbringing to Fiance.

The last two are completely out of my control, and I don’t appreciate being judged by anyone on them.  Being divorced?  Not something I’m proud of, but I’d rather be divorced than having an unhappy life.

Anyway…Future Father-In-Law is a control freak, has serious problems with OCD and depression that he won’t get any help for. He’s a miserable git most of the time, and tries to makes Future Mother-In-Law and FI’s lives as miserable as his.  Unlike his family, I don’t and won’t pander to him.  He even had the cheek to ask my Fiance (after we’d been together over 2 years and engaged for over a year) if he loved me….how insulting is that?  As if Fiance, at the age of 41, would get engaged to a woman he didn’t love…

I’m sure Future Father-In-Law bad mouths me to Future Mother-In-Law.  I live 200 miles away from them, so it’s not really much of a problem.

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